DragonBlog

But it's all just part of the experience...

I'm tired today. I pulled some muscles in my leg at some point this weekend, and that hasn't been helping. But mostly I'm just tired.

And, by the way, happy Memorial Day...

It was a national holiday today. Not just an excuse to take a day off of work. It was a day of rememberance.

Not that we did anything special. It occurred to me tonight to wonder if there was anything we should have done today... some ritual or other.

I found this site in a quick Google search that pretty much sums it up.

It's about remembering those who've died serving their country. Not a day for a party or a picnic, but a day for somber reflection and rememberance.

Since I've not actually known anyone who's died while serving, it tends to be a holiday that doesn't affect me directly. Then again, I disagree with much of our government and how it is run, and some of the premise behind our Revolutionary War, but I frequently go out for the fireworks on July 4th. They're pretty and they make a nice boom.

And then there's Memorial Day. I didn't go see a memorial, or stop and think about those soldiers who gave their lives in the service of their country. Some of them dying in useless, unecessary wars that didn't do more than boost our national ego that we could still kick another country's proverbial butt. But they went. They made the choice to support our country through thick and thin (at least for the duration of their contract) and, in the end, they made the ultimate sacrifice for that promise. That, my fellow countrymen and women, takes balls. Even if they didn't see it coming - it took courage to go out there in the first place. And I salute them, and their courage. And I am thankful that there are those, brave enough to go where I lack the courage or conviction to go. Brave enough to fight for their country.

It's too bad that, as a country, we don't really deserve their sacrifice. How many people, who haven't lost someone near to them, actually did something to commemorate today? I'd bet we'd be pretty disappointed if we saw those numbers. I'd be tempted to put up a poll on this site, but I'm not sure I want to know the statistics.

I'm ashamed. Of myself. Of my country.

Next year - I plan to do something for Memorial Day. Go to a Memorial somewhere and thank them properly. Because they damn well deserve to be remembered.

G'night.

An' then it went FOOM !!!

So much for painting today. Nope. Not a lick of it got done...

For one thing, it rained. Really hard. This, of course, made it overcast, thus making it difficult to see in the room we were to be painting in.

"Sheesh," you might say. "Couldn't you have just brought in a light?"

Well, see... while we were laying there, procrastinating actually getting out of bed... there was this loud snapping noise.

That was the transformer for my section of the neighborhood frying after lightening hit one of the lines...

So, bringing a light into the room I could have done, but actually lighting the light would have proven tricky.

At least that's our justification for not getting squat done today, and I'm sticking by it...

So, nyah.

It was really cool watching all our neighbors getting worked up about the downed power line and the fire truck and ambulance that showed up and so on...

It was not as cool wondering exactly when we'd have power again though...

But it was cool lighting up my candles with purpose today.

heeeheee.

The only real concern was how long the crawlspace could handle having the sump pump out of service for... I'd estimate we were without power for 8-10 hours. It was around 10:30 or 11 a.m. when the power went out and it came back sometime just before 8 p.m. Despite the "hardship" we did manage to find other ways to amuse ourselves while our computers and our television were both out of service. As always, it was almost disappointing when the power did come back on. At which point I threw up posts on To Our Children's Children and Quick Shtick Writing before it could go out again. I'm just now getting around to posting on this one.

You know, it was so tempting to go out and play in the rain until I saw all the other neighbors out there gaping at the fire truck and stuff. Then it lost all it's novelty.

*sigh*

Oh, well.

G'night!

Moving Mild-Mannered and Miniature Mountains...

It doesn't feel like a Saturday. Maybe it's just the fact that we know it's a holiday weekend and we're compensating in our head, but neither Brian or I felt like it was a Saturday for some reason. It felt more like a Friday. A good Friday, where he didn't have to go to work, but a Friday nonetheless.

It might also have to do with the fact that we went and helped his sister-in-law move today. It's not unusual to think of doing something productive on a Saturday - it happens all the time around here. Saturday is the day we try to get all the crap done that we need to do for the weekend. Perhaps it's the idea that we got something finished that's skewing our perception of the day. We rarely managed to get projects finished around here...

And, also, the fact that we spent most of the day away from home may have affected our thinking. Saturday is frequently getting stuff done at home. So, in that aspect - tomorrow is Saturday - since we'll be doing all that tomorrow. We'd purposely left ourselves flexible on which day was going to be the "at home" projects one in order to be available to help Brian's sister move.

We did get her moved. Well, it was us and some of her friends. By the time we were able to get out there (I hadn't looked at a map before to see where she was at, but she was further into the city than I had thought for some reason) they'd already gotten most of the stuff out and onto the little rental truck she'd rented, so we took over much of the unloading once we got to their folks' house. Brian's mom watched our son while we went out and back, and then they had to head out, so I had to bail on some of the unloading in order to give Jareth his dinner. He was all upset when I tried to put him back down with some toys when we'd arrived, so I'd set him up in the stroller my in-laws have for him, where he got a kick out of watching us going to and fro with stuff for a while. But then he realized it was dinner time and I sat and fed him instead. Later, I was able to put him down with some toys and go back to helping.

We got it all in - crammed mostly into Brian's old bedroom until she can sort it out, and the essentials in her own old bedroom. Once it was all in, we headed out and my sister-in-law treated us to dinner before they (she and one of her friends who'd been able to stay longer) went to return the truck and we headed back home. All-in-all, it was one of the smoother moves I've ever seen. Whenever we move it's such a huge ordeal with all the furniture we own and crap still following me about from my mom's house and my grandmother's house that we've pretty much lost the ability to get anyone to help us move anymore... The last move we did mostly with movers to get to this house, and I'm hoping to have stuff weaned down at least a little bit before we eventually move again. I know we don't plan to stay in this house forever, but at least I know we have some time yet before we do move again. Gone are the days where we move practically once a year, unable to settle anywhere. We've thrown down some roots - known fondly as our mortgage, usually - which means we'd like to see some small amount of increase on our investment before we move on to another one. And I want to finish some of the remodelling. I just couldn't bear to leave this poor house in the state I found it in. It's my opinion that houses (and cars) have "personality", so to speak. And this house, although very upbeat in nature, had been sorely neglected by the prior owners (and, I think, the ones before them as well). It's about time someone gave this house a little love and makeover before inflicting some other schmucks onto it...

Look, leave me alone, my mom even gave the houseplants names for goodness sake. She even went so far as to make little labels to put on the pots so we'd be able to remember who was who... So, if I tend to only name my car then I think I'm doing okay on the psychometer.

Well, I'd better stop here. Tomorrow's awaiting my productivity, which means I'll need some sleep tonight...

G'night!

Three Day Weeeek-end!

I'm going to need a weekend after my weekend methinks...

Tomorrow, we help my sister-in-law move away from the scary neighborhood where she was mugged. For the moment, that means she's moving back in with the folks, which at least means we'll get to see her more often since she'll be closer than she was.

Which means Sunday is more work on Jareth's room, finishing up the primer and possibly getting some of the paint up. I'm also going to see how hard it is to get the windows out of the frames so I can fix them properly, and finish priming them. I've also got to get the old hardware off, I've gotten new pulls and locks to put in them once they're finished being painted. I also picked up proper brackets for the closet pole to go in, since it was only held in place by some old metal shelf bracket things and several layers of being painted around the ends. It's bad enough that his closet will lack doors at the moment, but at least I'll know the pole will stay up.

The usual Sunday family dinner has been moved to Monday this weekend, due to the holiday. My in-laws do some Civil War reenacting, and they've got a parade on Saturday and a memorial thing on Sunday going on. We used to do reenacting too, but our schedules really haven't allowed much time for that lately. We may start doing some again soon, since Jareth ought to enjoy it and we'll enjoy showing off our son.

*grin*

Although I'm not going to be taking Jareth in period costume for some time yet, as I've already heard some comments about how all kids wore "dresses" in those days when they were little... Eeesh. I'll just go "civilian" (as a spectator in modern-day clothes) for now, but Brian might go to an event or two this year. Lord knows I love the way he looks in that Civil War period uniform. I don't know what it is about blue wool pants, but man....

Aaaanyways...

The beginnings of yet another list -

The Things I Said Before I Had My Son, And What Really Happened...

• Before: I'm getting cloth diapers, and he'll never wear anything else! After all, it's good for the environment and soft on his bottom and everything!
• After: The first instance of having to deal with a poopy cloth diaper and a Ziploc freezer bag while changing him on the front seat of my car pretty much solidified the advice I'd been given about using disposables when going away from the home. Not to mention the fact that he had to wear disposables for the first couple of months - I got him home from the hospital and excitedly ran up to put his cloth diaper on him... They were too big for him yet... his legs stuck out on either side. Five minutes later my husband was on his way to the store for a package of disposables. Fortunately, I had saved the sample diapers that had been sent to me, so I had something to put on him right then. Although the cloth diapers are wonderful - and cost-effective too!
• Before: Oh, it will be wonderful when he starts eating our food! We'll eat healthier too, because I don't want to be constantly giving him all those jarred foods.
• After: When the child progresses to "table food", it means anything he's capable of mashing up with his gums. While I'm supposed to be giving him solids, I can't give him nuts or other super hard stuff that he can't mash up. I'm also not supposed to give him anything that could get caught in his throat where he could choke on it - nothing with skins, no popcorn. Sounds simple enough, right? The amount of food that we eat that I can't (or won't) give him has astounded me. Those little jars of diced veggies and ravioli are seriously handy on many occasions. I keep them well-stocked. I do try to plan my own meals around his ability to eat them, and we are eating better for it, but I can't always guarantee that the timing on dinner is right for him, or that he'll have anything he can eat when we go outside the home. This evening, for example, we hit pay dirt at I-Hop, where he can have the kid's cheese omlet with a couple of pancakes meal. We hacked it up into tiny pieces and he liked it just fine. He didn't even notice that we purposely neglected to drown his pancake in syrup like so many people do. I drizzled a little butter pecan syrup on my own, but only because I like the taste of their butter pecan syrup. There are some nights when we end up eating food that I'm not willing to have him eating yet - anything super greasy or fried, for example, he may get to taste, but I'm determined that the bulk of his meals be reasonably healthy. In the end, however, I do cook a whole lot more nowadays than I ever have in the past.

Those are the two I've noticed so far. I'll likely mention more as I notice them.

G'night!

Still busy...

More work to finish up tonight, and we just did a long stint catching up on some of the television we tape each week. Now that we have our son, we rarely bother trying to watch anything live, and we had four weeks to catch up on with 1.5 hours taped each week. We just finished a little bit ago. And now I've got some work to finish up on before bed.

There was stuff I've been coming up with all day to blog about, but it will have to wait for another night.

Note to self: the list of "things I wanted to do before having Jareth vs. how they really happen now that I have him"...

G'night!

Busy, Busy, Busy...

Working today. Paid work even. This is a good thing, pocketbook-wise, despite it leaving me less time to blog tonight. Paid work is always a good thing.

Bits of notes I've meant to mention recently...

The Mommy Blog is back, after a short hiatus. Yay Mindy! Welcome back!

Also, yesterday I got a large envelope that one of the machines at the post office had managed to munch a corner off of, but didn't, happily, eat the book inside... Ellie's book, Loose Ends has arrived! Thus, when I've not been playing with my little guy or working I've been perusing through it's covers.

In the process of looking through it, to see which letters I might or might not like to write, I had something occur to me. The real reason why I have five blogs I write or participate in, currently. Also, the real reason why the one I keep private only has two entries so far after months and months of existing...

If it's not public, I don't have to mean it. If I don't show it to anyone, or at least leave it where others could see, then it's as if I never wrote it at all. The risk of putting it up where the whole world could see it, makes it have to be the truth. I have to mean it.

I still run the risk of someone misinterpreting my meaning, but then that's what the comments box is there, in part, for. If someone doesn't get it, or disagrees, they can say something and I, in turn, can respond.

I'm currently seeing a therapist, trying to make sure I've got all my "issues" at least nailed down, if not worked out, before I inadvertantly pass them along to my own son, or overcompensate trying not to. I don't want to smother him, for example, just because I lacked parental approval in my own life. So I signed myself up for therapy. I think I'm ready to get all this crap off my back.

Which means that sometimes I'll put stuff up here relating to those sessions. She gives me "homework" sometimes - stuff to write out for discussion at the next session. My current assignment is to narrow down some pretty broad categories I'm wanting to work on - assertiveness and self-confidence. I may drop the list up here once I'm done. Announce my flaws to the world, so to speak. Or to my five or so readers at least...

Anyway, thought I'd warn you. Things might get a little more introspective around here from time to time.

But, for the moment, back to work. Going to get some more done before bed tonight.

G'night!

And now,

Would you rather:
1. your best friend overhear you telling somebody else a deep secret about them OR your child overhear you venting your frustrations about your significant other?
The best friend. I'm rarely the type of person who says anything about someone that I wouldn't say to their face. I'd like to think that they could trust my judgement on who I'd be willing to share such a secret with.
2. learn an obscure language only spoken by 15 other people on the planet OR be able to guess somebody's exact birthdate, just by looking at them?
Oooh. The birthday date thing - think of the power you'd have with that one! Actresses of the world beware! Mwahahaha!!
3. have eyebrows that grow in VERY bushy, daily, no matter how you try to prune them OR make a sound like a tuba whenever you blow your nose?
Eeesh. The tuba, I think. Seeing as how I'm not the type to get my eyebrows waxed to begin with, much less try to keep up with it every day!
4. have a job that makes $200,000 a year, but you only get to see your family once a week for 3 hours OR make just enough to survive from check-to-check, but be able to see your family whenever you want?
Pah. We're practically doing the second one to begin with. Almost anyway. Still enough in the budget for internet. I'll take family over money any day - no contest!

Feeling Shmuckish...

Well, admittedly, Brian didn't say anything on his blog either, but yesterday was our 7th wedding anniversary. Thus, I present the following:

Our Wedding Vows:
(as written by Brian Howard and Amy Goodwillie)

Reverend Lee:

Good Afternoon Ladies and gentlemen. Please be seated.

On behalf of Brian and Amy, I would like to welcome and thank you for joining them on this joyous occasion.

Although I have not known these two people long
I can tell that their love is strong
Theirs is a love that has grown through the years
there has been laughter, there have been tears
They originally met in 1988
though the teachers there meant to educate
The Business Week conference was only one week
but they found something there, something fresh and unique
they lived in different places, which seemed so far away
but they thought of each other each and every day
they wrote long, bulky letters and called on the phone
but it didn't work out, and again, they were alone
years spent at college sped away fast
then they discovered their future, while reminiscing their past
fate brought them together, gave them one final chance
and this time they met it without resistance
They both had matured while they were apart
then each found the other had snuck into their heart
Then, after a while, they got their own place
and crammed all their things into one little space
they became pre-engaged on Amy's Birthday
they knew in their hearts that they'd marry someday
the proposal itself was a Christmas surprise
he asked for her hand, as he looked in her eyes
Moving then, to a house, his and hers became theirs
They dealt with the stress and the moving nightmares
and today they begin their journey through life
together, they'll face all the troubles and strife
their friendship is strong, their fighting is rare
if you look in his eyes, you'll find her mirrored there

**( gesture for bride & groom to turn & hold hands)**

we've gathered here to join them together
as friends and partners in love forever
If any man or woman can show just cause
that they should not be married, speak up when I pause...
since no one here has asked us to cease
you may now and forever hold your peace
who gives this woman in matrimony?

Amy's Uncle:

I do.

Reverend Lee:

then let them be joined in harmony
Although Amy's mother has passed away
she is remembered every day
let us now light a candle in her name
so that she may be with us through the light of the flame

**(bride lights mother's candle with help from Maid of Honor & Bride's Sister)**

Brian, You've already shared with her a part of your life
will you now take her to be your wife?

Brian:

Amy, I give you my heart, my body, my soul
with you I have everything
you've made me whole
I promise my love will always be true
as each day begins, let our love seem new
I'll care for your sickness
share joy for your health
even if I had nothing
to me, you are wealth
I promise to honor and cherish
without you, I would perish
you'll stay first in my heart
till by death do we part
there's nothing in the world
more important to me than you
I love you
I do

Reverend Lee:

Amy, you've already shared times both hard and grand
will you now take this man to be your husband?

Amy:

Brian, I give you my heart, my body, my soul
with you I have everything
you've made me whole
I promise my love will always be true
as each day begins, let our love seem new
I'll care for your sickness
share joy for your health
even if I had nothing
to me, you are wealth
I promise to honor and cherish
without you, I would perish
you'll stay first in my heart
till by death do we part
there's nothing in the world
more important to me than you
I love you
I do

Reverend Lee:

Brian, do you have a wedding band?

**(Brian gets ring from his Best Man)**

Then place it on the finger of her left hand

Brian:

no matter what life brings in the years ahead
with this ring, I thee wed.

Reverend Lee:

Amy, do you have a wedding band?

**(Amy gets ring from her Maid of Honor)**

Then place it on the finger of his left hand

Amy:

no matter what life brings in the years ahead
with this ring, I thee wed.

Reverend Lee:

with all the love you both proclaim
each of you take up a flame
as your lives will soon have done
let two flames become as one

**(lighting of the unity candle)**

I now take this moment to wish happiness
and use the power that I possess
according to the laws of the state
and before witnesses here on this date
you now have been bound together for life
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
with love that nothing in the world can smother
you may take this moment to kiss each other.

**(Amy and Brian kiss)**

Friends and relatives who've joined us today
now is the time for me to say
for all the blessings on them you've showered
I now present Mr. and Mrs. Howard.

**(Amy and Brian practically zoom down the aisle so they can have two seconds "alone" before pictures and partying ensues)**

Okay, so that last sentence wasn't in the original.. but that's what did happen!

It's these vows that we wrote that remind me we do our best work together. Although nowadays, that belief is also strengthened when I look at our son as well.

Kissing the hurt won't make it go away...

I'm blogging later than usual tonight. Some nights it's hard to put my thoughts together before I ought to be in bed. And other nights I get too involved in some computer game and lose track of the time. Well, alright, it was the latter of the two.

*guilty look*

It's a very hard thing "knowing" sometimes. Understanding that there are no truely "bad" experiences... That the feelings of sorrow or anger are just part of it all... That all that happens to a person was meant to happen... That they chose it to be a part of what they wanted during this journey.

It's very hard, because it makes me feel like I must be regarded as a callous bitch when bad things happen to people around me and I don't just sit down and weep for them.

I have a case in point right now. I got a phone call from my mother-in-law today. It seems that last night my sister-in-law was mugged.

From the sound of things, she's physically going to be just fine. She's a skinny, petite white girl. Aparently that would seem too tempting a target for a couple of black guys that were prowling about near where she lives. Admittedly, she'd been warned before moving in (she only recently moved there) that being out after a certain point of night, alone, was probably not a good idea. It was around 2:30 am when she was walking back, presumably from her car.

The two guys grabbed her purse and hit her with the butt end of a pistol. I'm told she made it to a hospital afterwards and has a cut on her nose and some swelling but it wasn't broken and she's otherwise fine.

In other words, she got really damned lucky. Which is a good thing. A very, very good thing.

But now it's over. It happened. And, instead of worrying about how she's coping emotionally with what just happened to her, I'm wondering what the "experience" she had was like. I have a distinct feeling I've not experienced such a thing yet in my journeys. I'm thinking I'd still like to avoid it during this one, though, thanks just the same. I already know they'd likely have to kill me to get my wedding ring. Which, of course, my husband doesn't like me saying - as the ring itself is replaceable but I'm not...

So I'll just try to avoid getting mugged altogether and then we won't have to deal with such a situation.

But the real problem here is that I don't always look at things the way other people around me are anymore. I did have the initial "Oh my god!" reaction when my mother-in-law first told me, but it's worn off now. I'm sometimes looking at life through the eyes of a spectator. Especially when the things happening aren't happening directly to me.

But I don't want to seem like I'm minimizing the experience for her - part of the experience itself is to feel the emotional response to it. It scared her, I'm sure. From her perspective - some total strangers came up, took her purse, and hit her for no good reason at all. And they really did have no reason, as I'm sure she'd be smart enough to just hand over the purse if they'd merely threatened her instead.

I just can't seem to understand violence. I know it's necessary, on some level, but I just can't yet grasp why. I think, perhaps, I've yet to live in those shoes. I've not yet lived a violent life. And it's most certainly not meant to be this one. I'm quite pacifist this time around.

My mother-in-law suggested that I might want to call my sister-in-law. I thought about that, but realized I wouldn't have had a clue what to say... Do I ask her to describe the really awful experience she just had? Um... no. Let's not make her relive it over and over... sheesh. Do I tell her that it's great that she's not seriously injured and that it's all good? Nope, not that either... Because from her perspective it's not all good. It's rarely "all good" when it's a bad thing happening to you.

So, what would I say?

Nothing. I haven't had the experience myself. I haven't anything useful to say.

But, just because I didn't call, doesn't mean I didn't spend quite a bit of time thinking about her today. Hoping she's getting through this and coming out stronger for it in the end. Wishing her well.

*sends off a virtual hug in her general direction*

And, I can't forget - we're all connected. We're all individual parts of a greater whole. So in some small way it did happen to me as well, even if I didn't feel it at the time...

Of course, if I look at it that way - then what are the stats on how many muggings there are per day? If we're all connected...

I feel so violated!!!

Hrrrm.

How oddly my mind swirls sometimes.

Anyway, if you're reading this - maybe you could send a warm fuzzy "hug" over to the corner of our being that my sister-in-law resides within. I think she could probably use a few hugs today...

*hug. hug. hug...*

G'night.

Growing...

It's a cool night tonight down in the family room where our computers are, and I've got a lovely breeze washing over me as I sit here typing.

A little bit ago, I was upstairs washing my face, wondering what I was planning to blog about tonight... As usual, I grew distracted by other thoughts - the waviness and thinness of my hair, for one. The haircut I got earlier this month is quite short, a little boyish in style, but super easy to maintain. I wash it, brush it, fluff it with the brush some and let it air dry and it usually looks fine with just a brushing once it's dried. My hair has curl to it, creating waves with this cut. Usually, I have no clue how to manage it. For most of my life, my hair was thicker, stronger, and straight as a board. It's been theorized that the heaviness was what was keeping it from curling at all. I always wanted naturally curly hair, but figured it wasn't meant to be. And my mom never wanted me to dye or perm, and otherwise ruin my hair...(nevermind how many times she got to perm her hair during my lifetime. I know it was at least twice.)

I remember my first perm - I was terrified it would stay like it was right after the appointment, but it "relaxed" and I loved it after that. I never dyed my hair until a couple of years ago, and the first attempt was done myself and I did ruin my hair pretty badly. I mostly ruined it in the process of trying to "fix" the icky purplish color it had turned out to be.

But sometime while we were traveling in the motorhome (before hair dye ever sullied my locks), my hair thinned. I don't know precisely when, but I remember looking in the mirror and realizing it didn't look the same anymore - and it had developed some small waves here and there.

I've since been told that stress or a major life change can do that to a person, and I suppose I could call our motorhome journeys a "major life change". Maybe.

But that was also a marking of my aging. I'm noticing, a year after giving birth, that most of my bodily functions have finally settled back into previously known normal patterns. My colon and I have to watch the diet again and take our meds to be happy (at least more happy than not). My menstrual cycle is settling back into familiar patterns. My complexion is perhaps finally returning to normal from the nastiness that started during the pregnancy - thus adding some teenage-styled angst to my hormonal moodiness.

There are some things that haven't returned to normal, however. My left leg is messed up, for one. So much so I may need to get it checked out if it starts putting me out of comission like it's been trying. I had problems with it during the pregnancy - I noticed it felt like I had "twisted" my hip/thigh somehow. It landed me in a wheelchair while we were shopping for baby things a couple weeks after the shower. And it's happened a couple of times recently, where it's put me sitting or laying down for a period of time trying to massage or stretch it out.

I asked about it during the pregnancy, and she said it was because my son was keeping most of his weight on one side throughout most of the pregnancy. It affected the distribution of weight on that leg, as well as the way I was walking.

And now, it's the same side I tend to carry him on as well. I think most mothers (at least right-handed ones) do. It's natural to want to have your "dominant" hand available while your carrying your child - you need the dexterity available for catching little curious hands, wiping snot, and recovering your necklace before you are strangled. I have managed to make formula one-handed, but it's not an easy task.

Even when I have him sitting on my lap he migrates to that side of me. It's "his" spot in a way.

And, oddly enough, during that first month - that was the side that was working better for breastfeeding as well.

It kinda makes me wonder if the next child will do the same, or claim the other side of me? How does one hold both of their kids at once anyway? I'm familiar with the "extended hip and slightly swaying" pose, but that only works for one at a time. I'll have to think on that when we're ready for another one.

But my thinning hair was the first sign. Then my 30th birthday came along to haunt me. In between the two events my "maternal clock" had officially kicked in. I was ready. I "practiced" my new need to nurture by getting my cat, while waiting for my husband to say "yes - it's okay to start trying now". Then I became pregnant - another landmark moment in my life. And now I'm a mother. I've given birth and spent more than a year adoring the beautiful person that has come from my husband and myself. I worried "would I love him enough - how could I come up with enough love to give him when I loved my husband so much?" I never knew that when you gave birth you also opened up a whole new portion of your heart - previously reserved for just this person - and it's boundless! Wow!

Why is aging considered "getting older" instead of growing? The body itself may grow frailer as time goes on - the hair thins out - but you get more and more out of life with each new day that passes! My life is filled with new waves and curls and I now get to play and see what they can do. I don't feel "older" or "frailer", though I know that my body itself is aging. But my son brings out reserves of energy I never knew I had. His own boundless energy igniting it within me when I need it.

I had no idea that motherhood would be so amazing!

I am aging and growing.
But, for the moment, I refuse to grow old.

Well, I've rambled off again and no matter how anti-old I might be, I still need sleep...

G'night!

Movie day and other madness...

Today was the day for Brian and I to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary, although the actual date isn't until Monday. But Monday isn't a convenient time to do much of anything, but we could book my mother-in-law to babysit for today. So we dropped Jareth off with his grandparents for most of the afternoon while we took in a double feature...

warning! Possible movie spoilage about to begin... if you haven't seen Troy or Van Helsing yet, you may want to skip below...

The first movie we saw was Troy. This movie was actually very well done - both dramatically and action-wise - despite the casting of Brad Pitt as Achilles. I didn't feel it's length was overdone or drawn out - I was engaged the entire time. I felt the battle scenes were both exciting and tense, without becoming too graphic as many movies tend to do. In some movies, such as Saving Private Ryan, the intensity of the "gore" in some scenes are necessary to viably get the tone and mood of the setting across. Although I was startled by the extensive battle scene in the beginning of Saving Private Ryan, I understood the need for such bloodshed to be depicted. Troy did not require that kind of extreme measure to get their point across and, remarkably, they pulled it off without resorting to "shock-value" graphics.

Long ago, in high school, I bailed out on my Honors English Greek Mythology class in order to get A-grades in with the regular English classes instead. I never did finish reading the books we were assigned, so I didn't know how exactly it ended, which did help a lot. That means I also don't know how true to the story it follows either, so I can't point out any flaws there. Wonderful performances from Eric Bana, Peter O'Toole, Brendan Gleeson, Saffron Burrows, and many others (I'm not going to list half the cast here). Orlando Bloom felt a little weak in some of the scenes, but then again that was part of the character so I can't honestly fault him. He did do that marvelous "eyes flashing with anger" thing that I'm quite sure is part of what all the girls are swooning over him for. He is dashing, but likely a bit young for my tastes. Were I an unmarried woman, give me Eric Bana any day...

Then there was Brad Pitt. Whom I feel was miscast in this role. I will grant that he handles the action scenes with style and most other scenes where Achilles was specifically angry or violent. The rest, however, piddled off into one of two expressions - "I'm being pensive, leave me alone", or "I'm Brad Pitt and I'm taking off my shirt to show off my naked chest again... so you love me... right?"

*rolls eyes*

Apparently Mr. Pitt was the "big name star" for this film. And therefore, someone, at some point, decided we needed gratuitous "Brad Pitt scenes". If you happen to be one of the women who swoons when you see them on the screen - I'm sorry, but I just don't get it. So they can't get through his extensive role in this film by showing me some random part of his half or barely-clothed body in every other scene and expect that to be enough. He knows how to do pissed off, reasonably well... but I didn't really feel for him as much as I should have. And I saw next to no reason why the one girl fell for him. So he beat up a few people who tried to hurt her and then got all "brooding" afterwards. She took vows to her gods this should not have been "overcome" so lightly.

I have a feeling, however, that there was also much cut from this film to keep it to a reasonable time limit. I felt as if there were some scenes that should have been left in, to help us grow closer to all the characters, and to help us understand their reactions as we continued.

Overall, I still have to give this movie high marks.

The second movie of the day was Van Helsing. Yes, I'll start off by saying that half the draw is Hugh Jackson being good-looking, in my opinion. And the movie, overall, was a fun one. I'm not disappointed that I saw it, and I was fearful that I might be, as the trailers reminded me too much of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which disappointed me on so many levels I can't begin to list here. I'm very sorry that Sean Connery has that blemish on his resume.

So I was pleased that the movie itself proved itself fun, but it did leave me with a couple of complaints...

One. What the heck was up with the beginning being in black and white? I understand doing a "stylized" piece, but with only a "year" passing between that and the rest of the movie it seemed...silly. They kept consistant with the stylized music, lightening effects, dramatic pauses, and ... well technically the plot too... It was rather predictable. Let's have the good chick fight the evil chick, and the good comic relief guy fight the evil comic relief guy, while the hero fights the villan! Wow... what a new and innovative idea guys!

Geez. Get some actual writers out there in Hollywood will ya? Let's maybe see some character development, backstory, and... oh, wait... that doesn't sell as well as sexual tension and fast action scenes? Gosh! Nevermind then!

Oh yeah... and let's keep the adventurous chick in F-ing HEELS for the entire film - yeah, that's realism for ya!

*grumble, grumble, grumble*

But the topper to it all, is that I'm starting to feel that ILM is slipping. Industrial Light and Magic is losing some of that "attention to detail" that got them where they are in the first place. Half the industry can't create special effects without them, so they've overextended themselves and it's showing lately. I'm seeing it in a lot of films where the CGI is replacing the stunt people...

I'm sorry, but I don't care how "superhuman" some characters might be - they simply cannot bend backwards like that when their flipping from one unstable object to the next! And the way they were thrown into walls and through floors and such - half the characters in Van Helsing should have been dead before we finished the first half of the movie!

They did great on the "brides of Dracula". They worked really hard on them and it shows. But it felt like they "skimped" on some of the other graphics to do so. I feel like they're starting to say "Oh, it goes so fast they won't notice we didn't work hard on this one...", and it's pissing me off. Half the movies I save up babysitting time for to see on the big screen are done in part by ILM! And they are starting to go the way of Disney lately... it's like they're taking their audience for granted. I won't shell out big screen money for that crap. I'm especially glad I didn't pay to see Hulk in the theatres... or Spider Man. The movies themselves weren't bad - but the graphics were lacking the finesse I expected.

So far, the only people in the industry who don't seem to be getting cocky yet are Pixar. They're becoming the new Disney for this era at the rate they're going. Only one of their movies hasn't thrilled me phenomenally - and that one was a sequel! The sequels rarely hold up to the originals anyway - and it still wasn't a bad movie or anything... It's on my "to own on DVD" list.

Back to Van Helsing, however... It was good fun for an afternoon where you just want to see some action and monsters getting beat up. But don't expect an epic film. It kind of reminded me of The Mummy meets Batman. The original, dark and broody batman - not the glossier, newer versions. So if you liked those, you'll probably enjoy this one - just don't expect it to rock your world.

end movie spoiler stuff... you can read from here on out if you skipped the part about the movies!

A few more "rules" that should be added to movie theatres, in my opinion:

• Please unwrap your loud candy wrappers before the movie begins - the person in front of you does not need that happening right behind her head during several points throughout the film!
• Chew with your mouth closed, damnit! What, were you raised by cows??? I do not need to hear every single kernel of popcorn being chewed into oblivion after you've stuffed it into your mouth!
• Do parents even read the movie ratings on the films anymore? People bitch about "Huckleberry Finn" being read in schools and nobody does anything to stop them, but put a PG-13 rating on a movie and you might see as many as 10 kids in the theatre younger than that - with maybe two "adults" supervising. At this point, I want to see some theatres doing "adult only" showings of some movies! Then again - those kids in front of me were far better behaved than the four a$$head adults sitting behind me!
• And, for God's sake - ANY god's, I don't care - DON'T TALK DURING THE MOVIE!!! I don't care if you've already seen it six times - I HAVEN'T, and I can't afford the time nor the money to come back just because YOU talked through a crucial point. It's bad enough you distracting me from the movie experience with your food - don't make it 10 times worse by TALKING!
• Oh yeah - and no pagers, no babies, dispose of litter in the proper receptacle, etc, etc, etc...

Yeah, I know, I'm PMSing on top of that, so leave me alone...

*RAWR*

I came so close to just turning around and smacking the four of them...

Aaaaaanyway...

/rant off

So then we picked up our son, went out for somewhat disappointing burgers (not at the usual place), and that was that. Although I did get my pictures back today and have some of the mouse that I will have to post sometime soon.

But not tonight. I need some sleep.

G'night!

Missing: One Blue Rubbermaid Garbage Can Lid...

A storm blew in today. And then it blew away. And now it's storming again.

And I had it all figured out that I was going to have a perfectly valid excuse to not go out and run errands today. Because the sky was all dark and forboding, and it was raining buckets, and there were nasty winds (aparently up to 60 mph!) that blew away our garbage cans...

I ran out in the rain, in my "outdoor slippers" (which are just old moccasin "indoor slippers" that aren't as soft and fuzzy inside anymore) and a tank top and shorts, to rescue the garbage cans. One had made it out into the street, while the other one (which the first had been stacked inside) was only halfway down the driveway. Both were headed east, carried by the driving wind and chilling rain...

I gave up on the lid. There's only one lid for the two garbage cans - we technically acquired them when we got the house, along with some other miscellaneous items the previous owners didn't feel like moving and couldn't get rid of. The garbage cans prove useful though, so we let them stay on...

The lid, however, is likely halfway to the city by now. Now I think I know what must have happened to the other lid.

Yesterday, I was doing my best not to turn on the air conditioning - it was hot and sticky, and I knew that the central air would pull the sticky out of the air for me and I'd be a whole lot happier. But I didn't cave - I sucked it in and dripped a lot...

When I came in from securing the garbage cans, I was soaked and freezing! I ran upstairs and dove in under the covers of my bed, pulling them around me as I shivered! And I'd only been out there for a couple of minutes! Brrrrr!

I know that this area is prone to indecisiveness on the weather. I've become rather accustomed to the variety of temperatures we can bounce through in a week. I've seen snow on my April daffodils, and plodded through it to go trick-or-treating. I've seen gray and dismal sludgy Christmases where all it did was some freezing rain and then thawed into an icky mess. I've shivered from being cold and wet - soaked through in four layers of clothes, and I had an umbrella - on the fourth of July, and felt like having a picnic in November. It's Chicago suburbs - I understand.

But can I have a few days of nice thrown in there now and again? Maybe even *gasp* consecutively?

Pfffffft...

I shivered in my bed and called my husband. The lights had been flickering so I'd turned off the computer already, but it was dark and icky and I was cold and wet - I needed a reassuring voice. I normally like storms, honest! But when the wind really gets going like that it worries me. Especially if it gets going like that and then suddenly .stops.

That worries me more. Way more.

But it didn't do that today. Nope. It blew through, front to back, over the course of a half an hour. Three hours later the sun was trying to peek out.

So I bundled up the diaper bag and purse and headed out to run errands.

In the hot, sticky, warm.

*sigh*

The car, however, I have no compunctions about starting up the air conditioning in...

Heat, Air, Heat, Air,....???

Right now, it's been storming outside again. No nasty wind this time, just the usual fun lightening, rain, and rumbly thundering.

And I'm chilly.

Time for bed, I guess. If I'm really lucky, I might get to wake up feeling hot and icky sticky again!

*grumble, mutter, kicks the ground*

I take it back - I'll bet the garbage can lid turned southwest the first chance it got...

G'night!

Primer vs. Black Paint, round three...

Oof.

I have blisters on my blisters.

Did you know blisters sting like all hell when you get shampoo on them? Yep. OW!

So, anyway, I got back to work on my son's upcoming bedroom today. Got all the staples out of the wood that held the carpet padding down. Now the floor needs sanding next. But not yet, as I've taped the floor so I can get the trimwork primed and painted down there as well. I got the first two coats onto the baseboard today, the third coat onto the door trim and some of the window trim... Did I mention she painted the trim black? Why, oh why, did she have to have black? (nevermind that I caved on that one... it was a compromise - she wanted the whole room black at first!!!) It takes three coats... I say again... three coats of primer just to make it ready for the white paint I'm using for the trim.

RAWR...

I also got the second coat up on the darker purple walls, so they should be about ready for the blue that's going on the walls and ceiling. I still have some touch up here and there, mostly in corners and I have to finish the rest of the window trim and put the third coat down on the baseboard. But I'm getting close to the actual "paint" stage at least. Phew. I wonder if this paint will go on nicely in one coat or if I'll end up having to do two of that as well...oy!

I took such a quick shower that I still have teensy little speckles of white here and there on my arms. And I'm pooped. It was warm and humid up there, even with the fan going - it was pulling out though, not in - and I was dripping everywhere. I started carrying a separate towel just to mop my face with. At least I should have dealt with a few calories today, but with it all hot and sticky I don't feel it. Yeccchh.

I don't mind the hot. I DO mind the sticky.

Health, ice cream, computer games, and gas prices...

You'd think attention to one's personal health would be in the insurance company's best interest... However.

I had my husband come home from work early today so that I didn't have to try to keep an eye on my son while having a "womanly" doctor's visit. My birth control prescription is almost out and that usually means it's time to see the doctor, whether I want him inspecting me that closely or not. Usually, it's not. But it's part of the "joys of womanhood", so I go and grit my teeth and clutch the side of the chair until it's over. Although I did notice that the last time it wasn't quite as bad as usual, but then again I'd just given birth three months prior.

I got to the appointment, sat in the office waiting, filled out some stupid survey thing they wanted me to do, and let them photocopy my insurance card again.

And then they told me that I wasn't due for an exam until July and that I'd have to come back or the insurance wouldn't pay for it!

Sheesh! I'm all health-happy for once and the insurance won't cover it? Pah!!

So they are supposed to call in a new prescription for me and I need an appointment for July.

Nevermind it cost us two hours of my husband's paycheck... Grrrr.

Well, we were out already, so we had dinner out anyway. My son got his first taste of "rib" from the slab we split between us. He also got a dose of french fries and cornbread, followed up with some ice cream from our Kahlua brownie thing that we also split. Since we didn't want him having Kahlua, we limited him to ice cream and whipped cream. Fortunately 99% of the time we do feed him right. Honest!

And he's finally stopped making that "mommy what are you trying to do to me!!!" look whenever I give him a small bite of ice cream. He didn't seem to like "cold" for a while, but he's starting to like it now. He got very insistent tonight when we weren't quick enough in scooping up more of it for him! Now that's my boy! LOL! Then again, I shouldn't leave Brian out of the responsibility pool on that one - He's who introduced me to Ben & Jerry's ice cream... mmmmm!

In other news...

The most odd thing has happened to me recently... I've found myself having EverQuest withdrawal! Ack! I longed for the familiar sounds of dying Aviaks, or howling winds, or swishing waters... I longed to hit my Num-Lock key as I ran across the Karanas... I think I'm even missing people bitching at eachother in guild chat! But I'm unwilling to go back to paying a monthly fee for it, so we've re-installed Diablo II instead, as it's already paid for and Battlenet is free. It's not really a good substitute, but it's distracting me. I might find myself playing some Dungeon Siege from time to time too - I never did finish that one to see how it ends.

Bah! Computer game withdrawal! And I thought smoking cravings were bad! Although I did have to note today that it's currently possible to have your smoking habit be cheaper than your driving habit - gas prices here have gone to new highs! I was stunned the other day when I realized that the price meter turned TWO NUMBERS for every ONE GALLON of gas!! I think the average price around here is running between $2.03/gal to $2.10/gal. We were talking about it on the way home today and Brian estimated it would cost us about $ .50 per mile if we were still exploring the country in our motorhome! Sheesh! The actuality of it is that we wouldn't be exploring - we'd be parked near some major city where we could get work in the hopes of traveling again one day!

And, as long as we continue to pay it... they'll likely continue to charge that much for it.

Grrrrrrr...

Well, enough of this - I'm going to play some computer game or other for a little bit before going off to bed.

G'night!

And now,

Would you rather:
1. while visiting new york city, fall from the 4th floor of a building OR get hit by a bicycle messenger?
I'm thinking the bicycle messenger would hurt less - and you have someone to either beat up or sue for damages that way!
2. kiss somebody with severe chapped lips OR eat lunch next to somebody picking a scab on their arm?
Chapped lips - no contest there.
3. live next door to a registered sex offender OR a recently released murderer?
That depends... what did the sex offender do exactly? I suppose I'd go for that one over murderer. Less risk involved.
4. always talk like your nose is stuffed up OR talk with a lisp?
Stuffy nose. At least then you can justifiably complain about it all the time. "Oh darn dis stubby nodz!" And you'll have less stereotyping to deal with.

Pffft!

Found via Word Shadows...

You're Rubik's Cube!! You may think you're
popular, but you're actually extremely
annoying. Seriously.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

oh well.

The whole kit and kaboodle...

The work on the bedroom continued today - I'm learning even more about this stuff as I go.

I pulled up the carpet, to reveal some lovely wood flooring! I have to finish removing the staples that were used to tack the padding down, but I've got the carpet off and the tacking strips as well. I was amazed at how much dirt accumulates beneath the carpet. Then again, I think that my sister may have only vaccumed it four or five times in the almost three years we've lived here.

I've got a bunch of books on how to do these projects, so today I read all about floor refinishing. Looks like we'll be renting a sander at some point in the near future, as well as picking out the color stain we'll want and a nice durable varnish for the top. At least it doesn't look like I'll be needing many tools from the hardware store this time - a relief for my husband I'm sure!

I will need to put new hardware on the windows though - they were all painted over! Yuck! One of the windows looks like it needs to be replaced completely, though that one's not my sister's doing - someone blocked off the holes meant to let the window drain, and there's serious water damage to the frame structure. The house needs new windows all around though, so it will be on the project list once we've saved enough money. For now, we'll have to just keep an eye on it. I did scrape the caulk off the holes though, so hopefully it won't get worse in the meantime.

The black trimwork my sister insisted on is a real pain to cover up! I'm needing three coats of Kilz before I'm getting it white enough to paint white over it and have it actually look white. *grumble* I got the second coat up on some of it today, and taped the glass on the windows to get the frames their first coat.

Of course I feel like I neglected my kid today in the process of trying to get him a proper bedroom... *sniff*

Which meant I promptly spoiled his dinner after I was done, by curling up in front of my computer with him and some fun snacks. I find it amusing that he doesn't even bother looking at the TV much if we happen to have it on, but he'll watch the stuff on my computer with rapt attention.

This egg thing is his favorite - I say "peek-a-boo" whenever the face comes into view and he giggles up a storm! It's from the same guy that did the balloon on a string thing I mentioned in a previous post.

Tomorrow I've got some paid work to get done before I try to get back into the bedroom work, so we'll see if I'm able to get much done or not.

G'night!

Quiet Day...

Today was a quiet day, compared to most.

Woke up late, lounged in bed chatting for a while with Brian, did our daily posts on the other blogs, tended to our son, and dinner at the in-laws.

The other evening, while peering through the stats for my site to see what odd things people were searching for that ended up bringing them to my site, I saw one search where someone was actually looking me up, using my maiden name of Goodwillie. It looks like it brought them over to To Our Children's Children, which is where I've mentioned the name before - Of course it occurs to me that I haven't re-established my links back to this blog from there! I fixed it on Quick Shtick Writing, but forgot all about linking back from the other two...

So that's what I'll be doing for the next 20 minutes or so - adjusting the templates...

Then, it's off to bed if I want to get up at a reasonable hour tomorrow...

G'night!

One lucky little mouse...

Haven't gone to bed yet. "But why?" you might ask...

So my cat, Nora, was making some fuss about a small box sitting in a corner of the room with some cans of juice and bottles of tonic water stored in it. I squirted her with water - the traditional kitty-discourager around here, but she kept going back. So, I finally looked to see what was so enticing in that box...

An itty bitty mouse.

One really damned lucky mouse if you ask me.

(No girly screams this time!)

So, I removed the other items from the box, leaving just the little mouse. Since Nora hadn't gotten the chance to "play" with this one, I was able to take the box outside and tilt it over on the patio to set the little mouse free...

Awwww...

But not before I shined my desk lamp on the poor bugger and took pictures!!!

Mwahahahah!

Oooh... I hope they turn out! He was SO CUTE !!!

I even stuck a paperclip in for the last couple of pictures for a size comparison...

Heehee!

Okay, I'm off to bed now!

Moving Forward...

You'd think the smell of paint, or rather Kilz (the primer I'm using before the paint) would be considered a "noxious" odor.

Apparently you'd be wrong.

So, my sister moved out today. I managed to hide behind my computer in the family room for most of the duration of it. Yes, probably a bit cowardly of me, but I really didn't want to deal with another altercation today. When one of her friends that knows us wandered down, I was able to confirm that she'd gotten the apartment she had applied for, so she did actually have somewhere to move her stuff to today as well. I considered this a good thing, and continued to keep to myself. She, too, avoided me. She did not venture down the stairs into the family room, even to see her nephew or to say goodbye. I suspect it may have been better for both of us that she didn't, but I did find myself getting slightly misty-eyed when I heard her say she was done moving her stuff out and was leaving. Misty-eyed or not, I took on some of my mother's stubborness and stayed away. She needs to be doing this on her own anyway.

I wonder if tonight is the first night in her new apartment? Or has she been there for a day or two already, sleeping on the floor without her stuff? I remember it being one of those cool moments when I finally found myself alone in my own first apartment. It was a beginning of a new segment in my life for me.

After her keys were collected by my husband and she, with her friends, had driven off to go move her stuff into her new place - we went upstairs and surveyed the room.

The room that is now going to be turned into my son's bedroom.

After some brief discussion, we changed clothes, threw down a plastic dropcloth and started in on "Kilz-ing" the purple, black, and silver paint so that we can paint it "Avalon" blue with white trim and white clouds. There may even be a dragon flying about somewhere - we'll see. Although for that, I'd love to find some rub-on ones, as I'm not as confident in my drawing abilities for that. Perhaps a flying dragon sillouette won't be as difficult though - I'll have to try a sketch first and see.

We've primed the ceiling and mostly primed the light purple walls. The first coat of primer is also up over the darker purple walls and much of the window and door trim, although I still have to put the first coat onto the floor trim yet.

We went too long though, and even though we had both the windows open and a decent crossbreeze, we both got a little lightheaded and nauseaus (is that spelled right? Pfft. I don't feel like looking it up right now, you know what I mean), and Brian got "loopy" for a bit from the fumes. I couldn't smell them at first, so it didn't hit me until later when it smacked me full force. We'd spent almost three hours straight in there.

Needless to say, we ordered pizza and took showers. Although I had to send Brian out for more paint thinner first, as we didn't have enough to get the brush and rollers clean! Eeesh! What a mess! I scrubbed in the shower, but I still have some white left on my arm!

I'm all tuckered out now, so I'm going to hit the bed early tonight. I'm hoping to get in a little more (like maybe only a couple hours with frequent breaks this time?) tomorrow before we head off to Brian's folks for dinner.

On a side note, while my sister was moving out I spent some of my time working on re-designing my site around MT codes instead of Blogger ones. Except I keep trying to make it in CSS and it won't do everything I want it to do for some reason. If I can just figure out a couple of things, I think I can get it looking close to what I want sometime shortly thereafter. One thing that's bugging me is how to make something in a box that scrolls independent of the rest of the page without using frames. So if anyone has a clue how to do this, feel free to drop me a comment or an e-mail. I've tried setting table cells up and I'm trying to figure out layers instead now, but the code I've found just doesn't seem to do it.

Ah, well. It may just have to look like this for a little while longer is all.

It's all good.

G'night!

Paper or Plastic?

Oooh... someone got arrested in front of my house today! State police and everything... Hmmm. State police? Here? Makes me curious, but not so curious as to bother leaving my house to gape with the other neighbors. I actually had a really good view from my kitchen window, technically, but I had better things to be doing than watch the guy wearing handcuffs chatting up the cops who'd just put them on him. From my vantage point it looked like he was getting along famously with them. None of this TV-show "slam him down on the trunk and yell at him" crap. I did find it interesting that a) one of the police cars was an unmarked green sedan, and b) they were nailing some of the speeders as I drove out to run errands. About damned time they got some of them - we've got a lot of people who seem to think the road I live on is a drag strip or something... any time I hear it at night when the windows are open I find myself holding my breath, fearfully waiting for the crash.

There ought to be a law....

Oh, yeah... there IS! Hmm.

So, anyway, I was at the grocery store today, waiting in line with the ten or so other people waiting in the same line as there were only two open for some reason, and I was reasonably relaxed. Despite having just rushed into their bathroom five minutes prior, where I frantically stripped off my jacket for my son to sit on before I unloaded on the potty. I figured I had a good twenty minutes or so in me before I might need the potty again (Irritable Bowel Syndrome - it's not a fun thing to have, but I usually have it under control. Four days of hamburgers leftover from the party did me in though), so I was thinking I could make it. (I did, by the way)

I've lately found grocery shopping to be a reasonably relaxing thing - odd for me, since I resist the "housewife" tasks with considerable stubbornness - the smaller grocery store by me is a whole lot friendlier than it's larger sister two towns over, where it's swamped with mean people who think they own the aisles. This is one where the guy in the produce section is starting to know me, as I always need greens or carrots or something for the iguana at the very least.

But, no matter what store I go to nowadays, it always amazes me that there is one trait in all the cashiers that seems to be universal... Right when you've finished paying them, they grab up that receipt and anything else the register spits out at them for you, then they fold it up in some impossible way that you would never do yourself, and then they hand it to you.

That's not the problem, though. Really. I can refold the receipt.

But there's no time.

Immediately upon receiving that receipt, it is apparently assumed that you must now vacate the aisle!!!

The cashier turns to the next customer, who all but hits you with their cart to get you out of what is now their space as far as they're concerned. They've received their signal - the cashier looking at them and saying hello, asking for their discount card - and it is expected for you to heed this unwritten law that says you must now get out of their way.

So, you grab up the wad of receipt and coupons and what-not, and you juggle that, your wallet, your open purse, your squirming son who's decided he wants to lean waaaaaaaaay over in the cart seat, and the handle of the cart so you can awkwardly push it off to the side so you can sort it all out!

I don't have that many hands! Perhaps I missed some hand-out (yeah, pun, I know) in the hospital when my son was born where they give you the extra pair of hands required to tend to his upbringing. I think the eyes in the back of my head are starting to grow in, but I may have had a head start on that one when my sister was still little.

So there's that. It annoys me every time. Not enough for me to actually turn and say anything, mind you. What would I say?

"Hey, hold on a minute while I get this all sorted out, okay? You know, right here where there's a little counter-like thingy for me to set my purse on? You just wait back there and - hey! No! Don't take his discount card yet! I'm not DONE here!"

Hrmph.

And don't even get me started on the baggers. Whoooo boy! My grandfather was once the V.P. of Marketing for this particular chain of stores... I remember my mom telling me how she once held a job at one of them and she had to learn how to "bag properly". Of course they were paper bags then, and you had to bag them properly or they'd break.

Instead, now the little jars break when they've all been jammed into one flimsy plastic bag which has a handle that breaks and they all go bouncing on the ground...

I actually put things on the conveyer the way my mom taught me - you group the stuff together so that it's easier for the bagger. But in her day, they put an extra bag around your frozen stuff so that it wouldn't melt on all your other groceries. And they tried to weight the bags evenly from side to side. And they gave a damn.

"Would you like help outside and loading your car today ma'am?" they ask me.

The last time I said yes, I had several things get smashed or broken the way the guy tossed them into my trunk. He had no care in the world about actually "helping" me - it was his job, he had to do it, so he did. But he had no pride in doing his job well.

I find it ironic that the best baggers are usually the ones who are "mentally handicapped" or whatever the PC term is to use today. Most of them seem to genuinely appreciate their job and try to do it well. The jewel I go to has a very nice young man who takes care of the carts. He may have conversations with himself while he's doing it, but some days I can't find a cart in the lot when I arrive and want one to put my son into... At some stores I've been known to have to move a cart to get into a spot - but not my usual store.

What does that say? Do we need to be less "smart" in order to take pride in a job well done again?

Of course, when it comes down to "work ethics", we're lacking in a whole lot more areas than just my local grocery store...

*sigh*

And on that note...

G'night!

No N00dity here, just little ol' me...

So, I was just peering in at my statistics for my site...

How on this earth is there a listing under "Links from an external page (other web sites except search engines)" from a celeb-p0rn site??? Yes, I did just spell that wacky to throw off the search engines... Curious (thank goodness I'm not a cat), I clicked it, and ended up on a page boasting the availability of some video on Paris Hilton?? Certainly no links to me on that page! I have to assume it's somehow related to a tuesday is chooseday day when the woman was mentioned in the questions. Now I've got an idea what she looks like - clothed fortunately - although there was some "actual footage" from the video playing over and over that I could have done without. I won't be linking it here - I try to be a reasonably clean site. None of that hanky-shmanky here!

Mostly I was thinking how quiet it had been in here lately, so I checked to see if I still had my (five?) readers or not. I just wish there was a way to properly filter out my own IP address so I could stop discounting it. But without getting one that stays the same all the time (which is an expense I can't justify), I'll just have to continue to filter through. I should stop having sitemeter sending me those silly e-mail reports, as they are entirely inaccurate. I am seeing stats through the webhosting service that's giving me more detail, but still can't figure out how to filter me out. Sitemeter can do that, assuming I wanted to log in and change my IP address in their ignore system every time it changes... pfft. Tried that. It got old real quick. I've got way better uses for my time.

It's been raining here lately - it will be sunny but cloudy and then five minutes later the sky opens up and dumps on us. It makes for a lot of rushing suddenly around to slam windows shut. The humidity is making everything feel all hot and sticky, even though I know that the temperature is technically just gorgeous. I refuse to turn on the air conditioning if it's technically nice outside - just a little humid! (A little humid? who am I kidding?) I woke up this morning in a damp t-shirt because it got so warm in the bedroom. We had the fan pulling out, as it had been raining last night still and if we put the fan pulling in it gets our bedroom VCR wet. Since that's the newest VCR, and the only one that tapes reliably I kinda want to keep it dry.

Anyway, with the humidity hanging on me like this, productivity is down. That and the fact that Saturday is coming. And, on Saturday, starting sometime between 8 and 9 am, my sister will arrive (with boyfriend in tow apparently) to start packing. She's got a truck rental lined up and some other friends arriving at different times - it ought to be an interesting day.

It will be good all around though - some of the stress between us will go away when we're not sharing quarters (or rather, when she's not storing her stuff in one of our bedrooms while she stays everywhere but here), and my son will finally get a proper bedroom - one that's not cluttered with the remaining stuff for the remodelling of the upstairs bathroom, including most of my tools, and some other boxes of crap that ended up in there as well. I plan to repaint the room a pale blue for him, with white trim and white clouds. I have to figure out what the right tecnique is to make clouds, along with the right paint... I'm thinking it might be a sponge project, but I'm not sure. I'm going to have to experiment first. And it depends on if I want puffy clouds or wispy clouds - hmmm.

Oh boy - another project. I need to start finishing some of these!

Ah, well... all in good time!

G'night!

A country without honor...

Well, I spent a chunk of time today re-building some of the titles on my older posts, as well as putting in categories. I'll have to re-categorize some of them later, as "web stuff" is an awfully broad one at the moment - anything from web links to my fiddling with my site. I don't have them all done yet though. It looks like I might not be able to open my archive file from December for some reason, so I may have to give all of the posts for that month new titles instead. It also looks like it didn't grab some posts from earlier (added in from my old web site before I started on Blogger), so I'll have to put those in and then fix the dates...

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I also fixed up To Our Children's Children and Quick Shtick Writing today. Both now have categories in the form of chapters so people can follow along easier. I've also moved a couple of links off my personal blogroll to where they really belong - there are two people linking to Quick Shtick Writing, so we're linking back at them. Call it a possible "reader's list" if you will. Yay!

I also threw the "rules" page up, but it's the old one from blogger. I haven't had time to fiddle with design in Movable Type yet, and all my tags have changed, so bear with me while I regain my bearings. I'd also like to not have my site in so many frames, but I'm not understanding CSS enough yet to make a proper transition from html on that level. I'm just fiddling about here, learning as I go...

Last, but most certainly not least...

I don't normally bring up the news on my blog. I want to stay out of that area, as I can frequently see both sides. I don't support the war - I'm a pacifist myself - but at the same time, I can understand some of the possible "why's" that the war might be needed...

But there's still no justification for someone wantonly taking the life of an innocent bystander. Soldiers fighting soldiers is one thing - they signed on for it, so to speak - but this incident with Nicholas Berg is entirely unjustified, even in my most liberal moments...

My heart goes out to his family members - The shock and pain that I'm feeling over another life being snuffed out cannot even begin to compare to what they must be going through. And the justification for that death is entirely unbalanced... Those men had no right to kill one innocent man just to make a point!

I agree that our soldiers have no right tormenting their POWs in any manner. I don't care if it's still "better" treatment than Sadaam was giving. I thought we held ourselves, as Americans, to a higher standard than that. I thought we were trying to be the better men and women.

Some days I wonder if we aren't repainting our flag in stripes of blood, and if the stars aren't looking very tarnished about the edges.

What happened to our honor?

I pledge allegience,
To the flag,
Of the United States of America,
And to the Republic,
For which it stands,
One nation,
Under God,
Indivisible,
With liberty,
and justice,
for all...

I think that's how it went. And you can define "God" however it suits your needs... perhaps it would fix it if we just pluralized it.

With liberty and justice for all. I guess that only applies to other Americans. We apparently can't seem to take that with us on foreign soil. Perhaps we didn't learn the lesson well enough while we stood there each day in school and recited it, hand held over our breast. Or before each ballgame. I guess rote learning doesn't work after all. Considering we have people starving in our own streets. Is that justice? Are the homeless to be considered "liberated"?

Where is our HONOR?

Where are those men with white gloves and smart blue suits saluting the flag in the recruitment commercials? I thought honor was supposed to be a part of it. The honor of carrying our flag on foreign soil, of representing our country for us...

As an American, I am ashamed for us.

It would be one thing if we'd gone in and dealt with the situation. But we continue to piddle about trying to negotiate, now that we're already there.

What the hell?

You don't go blazing halfway through and then stop to compare notes! DO or DON'T - make up your damned minds!

I just want to know why it is that we don't just allow the highly trained agents that we "don't have" go over there and deal with the actual troublemakers - quickly, finally, and efficiently. Like the one who claims responsibility for the killing of Nicholas Berg. He's on a "most wanted" list. C'mon - we can do better than that. Some serious undercover work and a well-placed sniper. Perhaps we'd consider that "tax dollars well-used" if it got the job done right the first time. I bet it would actually cost a whole lot less too.

Then no innocents would have to be killed. No infrastructure would need rebuilding. No prisoners would have to be taken.

I wish we could just take all the world leaders and put them in a boxing ring together to duke it out any time there was a conflict. It would be a whole lot simpler.

Do we have any right to be over there? I don't know. If this is a "holy war", which I think it is for them, then no, we don't. We have no right to go over there and tell them what to believe.

If it is, as was said, concern about "weapons of mass destruction" that could be unleashed across continents, then yes we do. With the United Nations.

Since when are we the policemen for the whole damned world?

*sigh*

I'd better stop here... this was going to be a "short" blog tonight.

To Nicholas Berg - Good luck on your new journeys... may your next one be filled with joyous experiences instead.

Good Night.

And now,

Would you rather:
1. one day at a job you like, have your boss catch you masturbating OR sending out resumes to other employers?
Sending resumes (*sigh*). I'm just too "nice" a girl when I'm in an office.
2. be seen on a date with a beautiful woman that was actaully a man OR be seen on a date with a really ugly skank that smelled bad (courtesy of genuine)
Well, seeing as how I'm a woman... I'll take the cross-dresser. Hey, why not?
3. be on a totally nude beach all day long (with no chance of escape) without any kind of sunscreen or shade OR use the nastiest construction-site port-o-potty (out of severe need) that is lacking toilet paper? (courtesy of shaunacat)
Seeing as how I have actually held it until I found a different gas station bathroom - I'm thinking I'm gonna get me some serious sunburn. That'll go away, but I'm a girl and have to "sit" on that nasty potty!
4. be the first one to know the world is ending OR be the last one to know the world is ending? (courtesy of ilgondo)
First. Then you can plan what your last moment will be! Not to mention place yourself somewhere where you'll be knocked off instantly instead of dying in a slow burn or something horrible like that.

The end of my rope...

Blogging is hard today. I have so much on my mind and spilling it all out for the world to see is not something I'm entirely used to when it comes to events such as the one that occurred today. But I need to get it out of my system. I've been dwelling on it all day...

Because today I, quite literally, threw my sister out of my house.

Okay, I actually chucked her purse out the door so she'd go running after it, which had the same desired effect. Screaming for her to get out of my f&%*#@g house so loud that the neighbors could hear me didn't seem to work. Neither did banging my fist on the kitchen table for emphasis at the time.

She is one of the very few people left in this world that can reduce me to an enraged woman, acting on raw emotion. She has put me into tears on numerous occasions, which is the reason she is supposed to move out this summer anyway. It was determined by the end of last summer that she should no longer be living in my house if we wanted any chance of maintaining some sort of relationship.

Some background, for those who don't know me personally...

My sister and I are 12 years apart in age.
We have different fathers.
Our mother died in January of 1995.
My sister was 10 years old at that time.
She went to live with her father.
My mother and I had a frequently strained relationship.
I did not move out until I was 21.
I should have moved out sooner.
A few months before I moved out, I tried to commit suicide.
My mother didn't believe me.
She stood in the hospital emergency room and declared it a "stunt".
She never approved of me.
She never believed in me.
She certainly never believed I deserved any respect.
I see a lot of my mother in my sister lately.
When I'm around my sister at those times, I see my mother crawl in under my own skin.
This is not good.
I'm in charge of trust money for my sister from my grandfather's estate.
This is a huge problem between us.
Money has always been the root of all evil in my family.

So, today she comes in - presumably to start packing up her stuff for the big move into her first apartment next weekend. This was pre-arranged, so I knew she'd be in and out this week to get everything packed...

She began by coming down and, "oh, by the way", telling me about the problems with her car. This car was purchased with the trust money for her, along with a four-year warantee to get her through college with it. A week and a half ago she decided she wasn't going to go to college anymore, but would go to beauty school while working and having her own apartment instead. She thought she might also take some business classes towards a degree in that so that she could open her own salon one day.

"Good luck with that." I told her. "The trust won't pay for beauty school though."

Now she feels as if she's being punished for her choices.

She doesn't get the trust money until she's 25, and then more at 30. OR, I told her, she could get the first half upon graduation with a bachelor's degree. In my opinion, I have been more than understanding with the trust money helping to pay (her father has been putting in his money towards her schooling as well, mind you) for her first college (she didn't like the dorms, hated all her teachers, and was totally unhappy there) choice, her second college (she seemed happy enough until she came back for the summer!) choice, as well as an "allowance" based on her grades each semester so she'd no longer have to worry about the "stress" of her daily expenses.

I have a friend out in the state of New York who would likely faint upon hearing of such a handout. Hell, I would have liked it when I was trying to get my degree - I have my Associates, but the money ran out for me to continue further. Two weeks after I moved out of my mother's house, I got my acceptance letter from the college I wanted to attend. I cried. I was no less able to go there than I had been while living in my mother's home, but it was no less difficult to bear.

But, if my sister wants to do beauty school instead - that's her choice. I want her to be happy, no matter what she chooses to do. But I can no longer give her a "free ride" while she makes up her mind. I've had it. I'm pulling the plug. She needs to experience what "real life" is. She's applied for an apartment, she's got two jobs lined up for this summer - she can figure out what it's like to live on the money she earns for once. I've caved in and given her money on one too many occasions.

Alright... many too many occasions. I've let her take advantage of me.

Well no more.

It's bad enough that I'm going to have to repaint her room myself after she's moved out, just so that it can be ready for my son to move into. Nevermind how she promised she'd paint over all that (egads! purple!) paint when she was moving out. But that was said back when she first moved in, so apparently I can't expect to hold her to it. She said a lot of things when she moved in that never happened. How she'd help me out during the pregnancy, how she'd help me with my new son when he arrived, how she'd pitch in with the stuff around the house while she was living there, and how she'd let me know when she was coming and going and ask before bringing people over (and I rarely said no - I just wanted warning so I'd be dressed decently)...

I was so excited when she moved in... I thought it was going to be that chance to bond again. That chance to be family.

She was hardly ever home. She was too "busy" to help with much at first, so I let it slide. Then she was too busy to bother with anything anymore. She breezed in and out of my house like she owned the place...

Wait a minute... I own the place! My house, my rules? WTF happened?

And every time we actually did see her, it was nothing but her complaining. She hated her job, for example. Her boyfriend and my husband and I all agreed that she should find a different one. She finally relented and quit the job. We all breathed a sigh of relief - her life would be better now right?

A few weeks later, she yelled at me, saying I had "forced" her to quit, and now she was broke and it was all my fault.

Like I could "force" her to do anything.

And, gosh, what a horrible person I must be to recommend that my sister quit the job that was making her back hurt, giving her lousy hours, not paying enough, and the customers were all a pain too - and don't get me started on some of her managers!

Wow... what a bitch I am. Maybe I should join up with those families who don't give a flying F*&K about whether or not their siblings are happy. Maybe I should go back to school for some "insensitive clod" lessons after all...

I'm done with this. I've cut her off. The only thing the trust money is going to cover right now is her car insurance, and any real emergencies. And the only reason her car insurance is on there is because it's so damned expensive I know she wouldn't be able to bother owning a car if she had to pay for it herself right now. But she already knows that if she gets into another accident and it's her fault - she's S.O.L. on that one too. The trust is not there to pay for her carelessness or inattentiveness. It's supposed to be there to make sure she gets a decent college education!

She told me today that she'd go back to college (the first college - the one she hated?) in the fall instead, just so she'd still have the money...

I don't think so.

At this point, she can get a student loan or something, like everyone else does. I'm not paying for tuition on "free ride" classes that she's only taking so she doesn't have to live in the real world.

Nope. Not gonna do it.

But explaining that to her is gonna be hell more than likely.

Da bank is closed, the silver spoon has been recalled until further notice.

And today is likely going to eat away at me until I have a good cry.

*sigh*

Why can't my family be more like my husband's?

I see mine just slipping away from me.

But I'm so very tired of trying to hold it together anymore.

G'night.

(P.S. - forgive any spelling/grammar errors tonight - if I preview this it might never get posted, and it ought to be.)

Sowwy, no more in-ter-net for joo!!!

BAH !

I only just got my Quick Shtick Writing post and my To Our Children's Children post up. The internet was down most of the day...

I guess the big storm we were having this-a-ways was doing some sort of havoc on my ISP. My sister even called me to warn me that there were tornado warnings coming out our way, and that there had been a touchdown south of DeKalb or something. Of course DeKalb is about an hour away, so I wasn't too worried. When my husband got home we ran out and rented some movies. After yesterday's party, we just wanted to vegg out tonight. We came back, munched down some leftover burgers, and kicked back on the dual-recliner love seat. Ooooh yeah!

After all, it's not like we were going to be playing any online computer games...

I felt so disconnected earlier today though - I didn't know what to do! I finished up a Powerpoint slide for my boss and went to send it off to him, and that's when I realized there was no juice! I had to call and have my husband e-mail my boss so that he'd know why his slide wasn't coming back... LOL! Good thing they're both with the same company, or that would seem odd.

Hey... why don't they make Band-Aids adhesive bandages that go around the crux of your thumb? They've got them for fingertips and knuckles, but I've got a dry skin problem and a blister from the yard work last Thursday, and the bandages won't stay on. Right now I have a bandage on top of another bandage - and some medical tape holding the topmost bandage together at the ends. But it's all rolling up and trying to peel off. It doesn't help that I wash my hands a gazillion times a day either, getting it inadvertantly wet no matter how hard I try. But I've got a little one-year-old boy, and I've become obsessive on a few preventative measures.

Argh... have you ever had a moment when you remember something that needs to get put on the grocery list, and then forget five minutes later - before you've added it to the list? I had that happen to me this morning, and I still can't remember what it was for the life of me. It's been bugging me all day. I know it was important, and something that we don't often need to replen