DragonBlog

Oh Baby!

As promised, more pictures. As always, these pictures are also located in the gallery, where they will show in larger sizes for your viewing pleasure... *grin*

That's all for today. Enjoy!

Current Mood: okay

Sleeping Beauty...

Of Breasts, BLOOD!, and Refrigerators...

So much to blog about, so little time. For the moment, I've sent my darling husband off to do some groceries with Jareth, while I plant myself in front of my computer with Kayla and try to rip through my unread e-mail and post here during "naptime" - which could end at any moment. Enya and other soothing artists play in the background through winamp, burned off of my CDs and now, hopefully, keeping my littlest one in dreamland for a short while...

To catch up a bit, there has certainly been a few things I've wanted to blog about over the past week or so. First off, this whole "breastfeeding thing" is frustrating the hell out of me again. While this time around I am finding that I am at least producing more than I was with Jareth, it is still not enough. We are supplementing with formula and I am worried constantly that she's going to stop latching on one day and demand to have the easier bottles ALL the time instead. Half the time she doesn't latch on correctly and the other half my nipples are so cracked and sore that it hurts regardless of how she latches on. I've been working on pumping, in the hopes of increasing my milk supply, and now my son has an understanding that mommy's breasts yield milk. In fact, when I put Kayla up on my shoulder to burp her midway through a feeding, while my breast is still out, he'll point over at Kayla and insist that we "don't squish milk!"

I dare say that I'm particularly glad he won't remember this part unless we were to reinforce it - Brian read somewhere that anything he learns before age three he will forget unless we reinforce it between the ages of three and ten to solidify the memory. Let's just say that pumping isn't going as well as I'd like either, and I don't need my son having specific memories of me wringing my breasts out in an effort to hand-express some more milk than what the pump I have is capable of getting. *sigh*

Recovery has gone slower than I'd hoped on my own part. While I'm feeling up to more and more each day, I had a serious scare near the end of last week.

When I'd left the hospital, they told me not to be concerned unless I saw any blood clots egg-sized or bigger. Oooo-kay. *shudders* Having an especially icky "period" that lasts nearly a month and a half is nasty enough as it is. Sheesh! But, when I DID have a big bit of nastiness (that sure as hell seemed at LEAST egg-sized!) pass out of me, followed by what seemed like a WHOLE PUDDLE OF BLOOD!?! I was lying down, with Brian calling the doctor's office, in no time flat.

Now, it's an interesting thing, what the body does when one panics. After the pain of this recent childbirth, I've got a new perspective on the frailty and strengths of the body under pressure. However, I'd like to be done with pain, thanks. Enough already. I'm aiming for a healthy, healthy me. Within reason, anyway - I'm not forsaking chocolate or anything THAT drastic!

But, I panicked when I saw all that blood. Words like "hemmorage" ran rampant in my mind as Brian asked the answering service to have the doctor call us back. So, when I started feeling cold and light-headed too - panic INCREASE! I was ready to have 911 called, terrified that something was horribly wrong. Fortunately, one of the nurses called me back quickly and assured me that it should have been FIST-SIZED or bigger before I needed to worry. *gack!* She gave me some other things to watch for and we got off the phone with me a little more calm, but still concerned. I ended up staying awake for an extra hour that night just to make sure things looked better before going to sleep. Looking back, the chill and light-headedness were probably the result of the panic in the first place. Even after calming down again, I had some terrifying dreams that night as a result.

The other little "event" that happened recently was the end of the compressor on our refrigerator. At least this one was well-timed, as having Brian home meant I didn't have to handle moving everything from the fridge all on my own. We ended up losing nearly everything we had in the freezer, however, even after we tried to put it all in coolers and dump ice in over it. It had all been defrosting for a day or so before we realized it though, and what we couldn't eat right away had to be tossed out. We didn't lose as much in the regular fridge as we were able to put the important stuff into the mini-fridge we have downstairs for the iguana greens and soda pop.

The really good news was that the fridge was still under warrantee - it expires in July of this year! Thus, we didn't have to pay anything to get a new compressor put in and now it's working again. *phew* I really doubt we could have afforded to repair it right about now, with Brian not getting paid for the three weeks he's been taking off from work. He's still getting the commissions on any sales he made beforehand, but the company is small enough that they couldn't really do paid paternity leave for him. Right now we're kind of holding our breath and hoping sales will be really good when he goes back next Monday, since we didn't get as much saved earlier as we would have liked. *crosses fingers AND toes*

Anyway, that recaps some of the main recent "events" per se. Our days are still a lot of juggling Kayla's feedings and trying to get a handle on how the scheduling is going to work next week when everything changes again. I'm still attempting to "rest up" as much as possible so that my body can be as ready as it can when I a) go back to class, and b) have to start taking care of the house and lifting Jareth and heavy objects again. They tell you not to lift anything heavier than the baby for six weeks, but I just don't have that kind of time. I've been trying to think healthy thoughts at my body, but I fear I've been overdoing it some already. I feel like my house is a total mess right now and I've been continually trying to "tidy up" here and there, despite the need for rest. Also, bopping up and down the stairs hasn't been helping me much either, since I was supposed to be avoiding those too. But, when one's couch and TV are on ONE level and neither bathroom is on that level too - you have to do stairs.

Although I think I've watched enough TV to last me at LEAST a year. And commercials haven't gotten any less STUPID since the last time I was intimate with my TV. Not. At. All. *sigh* Then again, neither have most of the shows...

Okay, enough for now or I'll end up with a TV rant next. Ugh! I'm hoping to upload some pictures onto my computer shortly, so the next post I put up may well have some new ones.

G'night!

Current Mood: pensive

No Time...

It was pointed out to me by my father-in-law that there was nothing, literally nothing up here on the blog. As it only shows the last week's worth of posts - and I haven't posted during the last week - it had run out of "current material" to display. This wasn't usually a problem back when I had time to post daily... *sigh*

To be sure, I've been "blogging" in my head on a daily basis. I certainly have plenty of stuff to put up here - from breastfeeding concerns and cares, to recovery issues, to the utter frustration that I do not yet fit into my favorite blue jeans without some effort. I've written it all out in my head, mind you, but have just not had the time to sit down and blog it all properly here.

Once I find the time, expect lots of long posts. And pictures. LOTS of pictures. I've been taking them, I just haven't had time to upload them onto my computer either. Nor have I found the time to upload the disk of pictures I have from the delivery room, although at least I did get them back from the store and have seen them myself.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with a couple of pictures from my father-in-law's camera instead...

Later in the day, after Kayla was born, Brian came back with Jareth so he could meet his new sister.

After pulling an all-nighter to deliver Kayla, (so, not exactly at my photogenic finest here) I was still awake to snuggle up with both my children as Jareth got to meet his little sister for the first time.

That's all for now.

G'night!

Current Mood: busy

The Obligatory Tits and Ass post...

First off, I'd like to thank everyone who's sent e-mail, left comments, or otherwise shared their good wishes and congratulations on Kayla's birth. I've got an inbox full of e-mail and not remotely enough time to answer them, so I figured I'd drop a note on here instead. I'm one of those people who feels guilty if I pick one e-mail to respond to and then end up having to forgo answering another, so rather than give myself a total guilt complex I'll just have to hope that everyone is stopping by the blog at the moment.

Now, I'm not usually what is referred to as a "Google slut", but I couldn't help myself with the title today, since that's pretty accurately what this post is going to be about. Tits and Ass folks. Of course, not in the way that the people who might be searching Google for that phrase might like. But then hey - they ought to get their minds out of the gutter now and again, yes? *grin*

So, yesterday I ended up going to the doctor. Brian gave them a call on Tuesday, trying to see if we couldn't just get the prescription that the doctor had forgotten to write me for pain meds, since the area where the stitches are at hurts if I sit on my butt for too long. Since breastfeeding generally entails that I sit on said butt, and occurs frequently throughout the day, I'm sitting on my butt a LOT right now. Normally, sitting on my butt would be considered as "resting", however it seems to be taking it's toll as I progress into the day. I had also had an instance where I moved a little too quickly and was concerned I'd pulled one of the stitches. The doctor said everything looked okay, but she still was kind enough to give me a small prescription to help me out. I'm only taking it when I can be relatively sure I can sleep for a longer chunk of time, however, as it knocks me out pretty good.

Stitches. Other than in my mouth, from tooth removal, I've only ever had stitches after childbirth. The closest I've ever come otherwise was when I sliced open my finger while we were living in the motorhome (I was cutting a plastic shelf to be smaller and fit over the bathroom sink) and it wouldn't stop bleeding. We went to the emergency room, where I gave them a sigh and told them I probably needed "a stitch". In the end, they didn't even give me one, they were able to get the bleeding to stop and use a little funky bandaid instead.

But, well, as much as a woman's body is built for childbirth, there are just some things that don't seem to stretch as much as they need to in order to let the kid out. Last time I needed two stitches. This time it was three. They sort of glossed this bit over in childbirth class - not enough for my eyes not to get as big as saucers as I took great gasping breaths of horror, mind you - suggesting that if the doctor thought it was going to be a problem, they might even cut the mother a little to ensure it wouldn't be a jagged, difficult tear.

Um... no. No cut. No no no no no... So I put on the sheet, with my preferences about what should and should NOT happen during the delivery, that I didn't want to be cut unless absolutely necessary. Thus, I tore. I didn't feel it happen though. Neither time. And they gave me something to numb the area before stitching me up, so I didn't really feel that either.

But, the info they gave me suggests that I LOOK (imagine big, round, shocked eyes in that word, folks) at the stitches so that I'd know how they were doing. Now, sorry, but I'm squeamish when it comes to that stuff. I'd make a horrible doctor or nurse. So far I've remained calm when I've seen blood on my son, but his injuries have been very rare and entirely minor. I wasn't too keen on the idea of looking at Brian's knee when he had his surgery a while back, however. Stitches weird me out. There's no way in HELL I'm going to snag up a mirror and start trying to angle in on my private places just so I can see something icky like stitches. Nuh-uh, no WAY.

In the meantime, then, I've been going overkill on keeping that area clean, while using the gentlest means possible. *sigh* I was told it took a week to two weeks for the stitches to dissolve, which suggests thats how long I need to be extra careful, and will likely be tender. Ow. *grumble, grumble* I already feel like I have my sense of balance mostly back, since I'm not front-heavy anymore, and in some aspects am feeling great, and ready to hop back into things. Of course, I mainly feel this when I'm lying down. I stand up, or shift in my chair, however, and am reminded that I'm NOT fully healed yet. Brian darn near needs to tie me down already, because yesterday I overdid it entirely. My sister stopped by to see the baby last night and I stayed in my chair the entire time. Not because Kayla was breastfeeding or anything, but because I couldn't get out of the chair without revealing just how difficult it was just to walk. But that mostly has to do with internal healing. I feel like I'm degassing or something as everything settles back in to place again within me. My innards are making odd noises and hurting. So the part of me that is ready to jump up and throw in the Tai Chi tape and get myself back into shape again just has to wait. Let's just hope I can hold onto the inclination to do so this time, instead of letting it slip away in a puddle of sleep deprivation and frustration. Overall, however, that seems to be going better than last time. Brian and I already know how to handle the sleep thing (he's catching up on some right now, actually), and breastfeeding is going much better this time than last.

Breastfeeding. Enter the "tits" end of the blog post. My double-D cup overfloweth with milk! *bounces around cheering* Last time it felt like I was starving my child. I couldn't seem to produce enough milk for Jareth, and certainly not enough to pump too. While I haven't started pumping just yet, it's coming soon (I'll need to pump some for when I go back to class, at the very least), and I don't think it's going to be a problem at all. We had some problems with Kayla latching on in the hospital, but she seems to be eager enough to breastfeed at least. We have supplemented a little bit with the occasional half ounce of formula, and fortunately that hasn't seemed to deter her from the breast at all. She still occasionally doesn't latch on correctly, however, but I've switched to a different lotion that seems to be doing a better job of keeping my nipples more intact. Ow. One evening during the last few days, Brian looked over at me and said, "You know, everything I've ever heard about breastfeeding has always been that it's this beautiful bonding experience, but it sure doesn't seem like it's going that way..."

The struggle to get the positioning right, the latching on correct, and for her to drink enough without passing out at the boob, has made it tricky to say the least. Those first few days, I totally understood why it is that some women choose bottle feeding from the get-go. I even considered it, but the overall health benefits for Kayla are what kept me trying so hard. I want, very much for her to have the benefits of the antibodies and nutrition and so on that my body is tailoring just for her needs. While bottle feeding would be more convenient (then Brian could feed her too, for one), and feedings wouldn't take as long, there's no formula company that can honestly say they've matched or surpassed what breastmilk can offer. I wish I'd been able to get more time breastfeeding Jareth, but we had lots of problems, mostly with how much milk I was producing.

I think, however, we've finally gotten over the major hump of the issue, and the mini-bottles of formula to tide her over and get her to sleep so she feeds properly at the next feeding have greatly decreased in occurrance. My actual milk coming in (as opposed to the colostrum that is there in the beginning), and doing so plentifully, has made all the difference. Now I just need to find a damned bra that fits. You can't just go to the store and buy a breastfeeding-enabled bra that's double-D or bigger these days. Google, here I come. I've already warned Brian that I'm going to order about three different ones and then send the ones that don't fit right back. Hopefully one will and then I can just order more of that one. *sigh* Curse my ample cleavage!

I'll also have to get a handle on the breast pump. The one I used last time hurt like hell, although that might have also been due to having so little milk coming in. I have another pump I picked up at a resale, however, that might be more comfortable, so I'll give them both a try and see what works. The first week of April I'll be heading back to class, so I want to stock in some milk before then and make sure there's at least a couple of feedings available for each time I'll be gone. I'm just hoping that giving her breastmilk in a bottle won't slowly degrade her latching on properly. It would suck to end up doing nothing but pumping and feeding her via bottle instead.

Ahh, well. Enough rambling for today. There's other stuff I need to get done during this little bit of quiet time I have right now. I just have to remember to pace myself while I'm at it.

G'night!

Current Mood: energetic

The Delivery (or How To Use One's Diaphram For Optimum Volume)...

Sooo... I don't think I really went into detail here on how my son's entrance into this world went, partly due to the fact that I began blogging after the event occurred. The last time, I found it rather amazing just how much the mind manages to block out the pain aspect of childbirth. Within a day, I realized I had a difficult time actually wrapping my mind around how painful it had really been.

That's because it wasn't. Epidurals ROCK.

With Jareth, I went into the hospital around 1:00 am. After a short while they had given me a shot of Nubane to take the edge off the contractions and sent me in the attached bathroom to take a warm shower. The contractions became difficult when I started having back labor (where the baby is turned so that his/her head smacks against your spine every time you have a contraction), and I finally broke down and asked for an epidural when they were a bit late bringing a Nubane shot. They gave me the IV (a traumatic experience in and of itself for me, since I'm terrified of needles), the epidural (easy enough, except for the holding still during contractions aspect), and then something was put into the IV to help speed the whole process along so the epidural didn't slow it down unecessarily. That last bit worked really well, as I delivered in rather quick time after that, popping Jareth out in about a half an hour of pushing. I remember a particularly weird moment when he was coming out and only his head was out - I was worried about it being so tight around his poor little neck and wanted to finish pushing him out right away, but they stopped me while they cleared out his mouth or something. Very odd feeling to have your child half into the world like that. Then he was suddenly out all the way and placed on my stomach, all still gray and covered in bloody fluids. I was both in absolute awe and almost afraid to touch this beautiful little being they had just placed before me. I also remember being frustrated that they took him away so quickly to clean him up and people kept standing in the way so I couldn't see him over there while the midwife bugged me about one last push to get all the other stuff out. It seemed to take forever for them to bring my little boy back so I could hold him again.

This time, it was vastly different. Vastly.

Before arrival at the hospital, I'd made sure that I was really in labor. The last time I'd had a "false labor" a couple days prior, where the midwife had told me to take a shower to see if the contractions stayed steady afterwards or not. They had pretty much stopped afterwards and thus I didn't go to the hospital that night after all, so I knew to check on that this time around. Within a half an hour after the long, hot shower, however, I knew that it was time. Contractions were running about six minutes apart and getting steadily stronger. I called and had the doctor paged. She told me to head to the hospital once I felt I needed something for the pain. About a half an hour later, we told Brian's folks to head on over since his mom was coming with to the hospital and his dad was going to stay with Jareth. We grabbed the last few items for the bag together, tucked Jareth into bed (late, mind you. We were distracted), and otherwise got ready to go. A short bit before his folks arrived, I put in a call to RainMoon, as she was coming to the hospital with us too, but a lot closer distance-wise. I couldn't reach her, so I left her a message that I was heading to the hospital, so she'd know where to go.

We arrived at the hospital around 11:30 pm, having to use the ER entrance that late at night - same as we had for Jareth. It took a little while to get the paperwork out of the way, despite the fact that I'd pre-registered. They still needed current insurance stuff and to have me sign off on stuff. We were in the delivery room by about midnight. The nurse checked me and said I was about 3 centimeters dialated at that point, but she still wanted to "make sure I was really in labor" so I wasn't given anything for the pain yet. In fact, it seemed a really long, long, long time before I got the Nubane - they wanted a good fetal monitor test strip first too, aparently. The contractions seemed like they were getting awfully strong to me...

Eventually, the Nubane shot was administered. Didn't seem to do a whole hell of a lot of good by that point, if you ask me. Last time it had seemed to work really well. This time it just seemed to make my head a little hazy instead. About halfway through it working, I said that I was probably going to want that epidural again this time. I said this to the people in the room though - not the nurse, who was off doing other things just then. When she came back, as the Nubane was pretty much wearing off, I mentioned it and she checked to see how dialated I was.

Let's just say it went all downhill from there. The key phrase that was spoken that heightened my overall sense of horror? "I'm sorry, but it's too late for an epidural."

Apparently she even meant it too.

And thus began the screaming in earnest. I have never screamed, yelled, or otherwise vocalized with so much emphasis or sincerity in my life. I seem to recall yelling for "someone to PLEASE HELP MEEEEEE!" at some point along the line. If there were any other women in the ward (and it was full - they almost didn't have a room for me) who were considering natural childbirth just then, I expect all the nurses had to say was "SHE isn't having an epidural. Are you sure you wouldn't like one for yourself?" and they probably would have signed right up for that teeny little needle in their back. I really don't know WHAT all came out of my mouth, to be honest, just that it came out REALLY DAMNED LOUDLY. It was not one of my finer moments, to be sure.

A couple of tips for pregnant women - 1) The epidural is your friend. Embrace it. Risk vs. Reward here folks. 2) Learn that Lamaze thing. All the breathing? Yeah, they kinda skipped over most of that in the childbirth class I took before the last pregnancy, and I didn't end up needing it so much with Jareth's delivery. I could have REALLY used it this time, however. Brian said it was all he could do not to pass out from trying to "coach" my super-fast breathing. I realized early on that it WAS easier with him breathing along with me. He blew on my face with each breath, which helped distract me to focus on him and his breathing. It got to the point that when another contraction started I all but yanked him back over, screaming for him to help me breathe.

Last time, I said pushing went for about a half an hour right? This time, it was maybe half that time. The nurse looked down after she'd given me the go ahead to give a small push or two and then sent RainMoon running out to get help as the baby was already crowning. She tried to tell me to STOP pushing at this point (I think she even had her hand there, trying to hold the baby inside me!). The doctor had been "on her way in" and only barely made it into the room in time to help catch the baby! I swear that Kayla must have come out in about four pushes total. The water broke on it's own too, early in, and instead of all gray and bloody, it washed her off and she came out already starting to look pink and having been cleaned off from the fluids rushing out around her. They left her on my stomach longer than they did with Jareth and I got to really touch and see her before they took her to clean her up properly and such at the little table in the room they do that stuff at. I still couldn't see her while they did it, which was just as frustrating as last time, but then I was busy with the aftermath again. This time, instead of being told to push it out though, the doctor waited for my body to naturally contract again and push the rest of the stuff out. I expect that difference had to do with the epidural/no epidural difference, since one of the concerns with the epidural is it's numbing effect can also make it harder for the mother to push.

Kayla was born at 3:31 am, only four hours after we arrived at the door to the hospital. It was the most intense and painful four hours of my life, mind you, and I'm pretty damned sure I never want to feel pain like that EVER again, but still...

It was all worth it.

As I type this out, my little girl is sleeping in a spare carrier on a chair next to me. Every now and again her eyes flicker or she makes a soft sound. She is so tiny and fragile, beautiful and precious. I wouldn't trade her for the world. Once again, a small being is filling my heart with more joy than I could have imagined.

Once again, I have been blessed.

Note - I've put a couple more pictures up in the gallery. :-)

G'night!

Current Mood: grateful

Kayla Evina, My Beloved Young Warrior, Is Born!

I am now a mother of two. At 3:31 am, Thursday, March 10th, 2006, my daughter Kayla Evina Howard was born. Behold, my littlest joy...

This photo was taken moments after she was born, by my friend RainMoon, who had my digital camera ready to capture the moment. My mother-in-law was also armed with a disposable camera I picked up for the occasion - those pictures will come later, once I've had a chance to finish the roll and develop them.

This photo was taken minutes after she was born, once the umbilical cord had been cut and they'd had a chance to clean her up. Kayla was measured at 21.5 inches long, 7 lbs, 9.5 oz.

This picture was taken just a little while ago, before I came down here to drop a line to friends and family via e-mail and put this post on the web. She's sleeping happily in her daddy's lap, although some family members just arrived, so she's about to be passed 'round and snuggled by them as well. The pictures are also located in my gallery - the link to that is in the sidebar on the left.

That's all for now. The full story later - and believe me, there is one. This is MY little life - there rarely isn't some kind of story behind an event like this.

G'night!

Current Mood: enthralled

Any Day Now...

The "bag" is packed (finally). The lists are written. People are waiting in the wings.

Any day now, my newest little one is coming.

I am all but holding my breath in anticipation. I will be holding my breath during the delivery. Several times when delivering Jareth, Brian had to remind me to breathe. Not in the way a partner "coaches" a woman giving birth, but more in the effort to get me to actually DO so!

I am already reminding myself to breathe. While some people say the second childbirth is easier than the first, nothing about this pregnancy has been quite the same as the first one. I'm a little nervous and scared. Mostly I just can't wait to a) meet my little one, and b) have my body back. Of course it will actually take a little longer for that second one to happen. The body doesn't just spring back overnight like one might wish. Oof.

The newest set of baby blue eyes are coming... I can't wait to see them gazing up at me. Which of us will look at the other with more wonder? Her or me?

G'night!

Current Mood: anxious