DragonBlog

The One Two Rings...

Wednesday we did yard work, which resulted in my finally getting the big ole lump of dirt that's been in our yard since they dug it up to fix the pipe last fall. I smoothed it all out and left it a little risen so that it can settle more over the next few months. At some point I'll need to get some grass seed and make it green again too. We took care of some other bits of yardwork too, although we still need to do plenty more, and Brian took care of mowing the lawn for the first time this year.

During which he lost his ring. Fortunately, he found it again in the end.

Normally, this is the type of event that sends cold chills down the center of my chest to settle with turbulance in my stomach. For some reason, it didn't do that. I had that moment of panic when he called me outside, as he knew I had just come in to change clothes, and feed Kayla - thus making me somewhat unavailable to just pop outside for a bit. So having him call me saying he "needed help" suggested there was some sort of trouble afoot. I dropped everything and left my daughter crying in her carrier to run outside. At which point, he broke the news to me that his ring was missing. Thus began the search.

But I wasn't in chills over it, or giving myself ulcers. That's strange, since I'm usually quick to feel emotional over stuff - especially lately with the pregnancy and then post-partum additives. I was emotional though. I was angry instead.

It felt like a bad omen at an already difficult point in our lives. Then again, some of the most wonderful things seem to happen at the crappiest points. Right now, we've got the birth of our beautiful, healthy little girl. The event, however, seems to be the beacon of light holding everything just barely at bay from running me under emotionally. Things weren't as bad for us when my son was born, but my in-laws were going through a rough time then instead and Jareth helped keep spirits up for my mother-in-law especially. Despite the fact that they can be such a handfull, infants are amazing at enthralling a person so that, for a moment, nothing else in the world matters but how beautiful they are. It really is amazing.

But even with that wonderment, the reality of the world still manages to slap me back into it frequently enough. The incident of the ring being lost seems like more of an omen to me. It's as if I knew we would find it - I just told myself it HAD to be found, with no doubt. But the fact that it was lost at all resonated with me, even after the situation was resolved. I keep wondering what it means.

Now, a part of me was pissed that he didn't notice it when it happened. The one time my ring fell off (also due to weight loss at the time), I noticed it go flying and ran after it. I wore it on the middle finger of that hand for months as I knew that pregnancy (this was while we were trying to get pregnant with Jareth) would cause weight gain where it would fit again so I wasn't going to alter the ring itself in any way. I also couldn't bear to not have it on my hand, so I just changed which finger I wore it on. The important part was that it was there. The symbol of our connection to one another. Just a symbol, I know, but one that represents one of the most important things in my life - my commitment to the relationship that Brian and I share.

It's not that I think our relationship is in trouble, don't get me wrong. Brian is my soulmate. That just doesn't happen lightly. But we've had our troubles, like most couples. When money is tight, most relationships suffer from the tension that it causes. Also, we haven't exactly had a lot of time to spend alone together over the last year. Between his work schedule and the kids, it's been tricky. And the realization that we won't get to take a weekend to escape next month and celebrate our anniversary isn't helping either. But we will find our way through, and we'll do it together. We always do. That's part of what love is all about.

So then what does the ring omen mean? I know, I'm probably just putting more symbolism into the incident than I ought. The logical side of me stopped me from staying pissed about him not noticing - after all, his hands were half-numbed from the vibrations of the mower! It's not like he was trying to lose it or anything. I shouldn't feel all worked up over it.

And yet, I have that slightly unsettled feeling from it. As if it's saying something more that I haven't seen yet. Ironic, since it's usually Brian that talks about life sending us signs...

Hrm. Oh well, back to the day at hand. We're hosting a drum circle at our house tonight, so I need to get cooking and cleaning. Maybe filling the house with all that good drumming energy will purge any bad omens away. Like a musical smudging. That'd be cool.

G'night!

Current Mood: pensive

Flashback One Year (part 2)...

One of the things I've been meaning to blog about lately was the yearly futureme.org letter. For those who don't know about this, it's a letter you write to yourself, then forget about, and have delivered to your e-mail box one year later. I've done this before. Here is the letter I sent myself this time around:

(The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Monday, March 21, 2005, and sent via FutureMe.org)

Dear FutureMe,

Another year has gone by. Do you have another child now? If so, I hope the managing of the bills for it has gone well. Who's got the job and who's juggling the home stuff? Have you secured health insurance yet? Are you still writing religiously?

What about those classes you were planning on starting at ECC in the next session? Or has something else captured your attention for now?

Are you still true to yourself and your spiritual path?

Are you learning?
Are you growing?
Are you taking time out to just be?

How is your family?

In what way has the past year made you wiser, do you think? Or has it?

Remember... It's all good.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
delivery brought to you by FutureMe.org
like hearing from your past?
we like donations: http://www.futureme.org/donations/
(your support helps keep FutureMe free)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Yes, I do have another child. My beautiful daughter, Kayla, has chosen us to be her family. As for the bills, well... KidCare has helped enormously by covering the pregnancy and child medical costs and reducing the costs for Brian's medical care too, although fortunately he only got sick once over the winter. Brian is the one working, and has moved to another field - RV sales. I'm juggling most of the "home stuff" although Brian does what he can to help me. I'm also taking classes at ECC to become a jewelry designer now. I'm trying to stay focused on the goal, and most other projects are being set aside while I do. We're still keeping up with Quick Shtick Writing as best we can with the new baby though. Writing is still something both Brian and I want to pursue in our spare time.

Health insurance was only just finally offered at Brian's job, and we had to turn it down for now. There's a clause that might allow us to pick it up once the KidCare thing ends though, so we'll see where we are at when it does. For the moment, we still can't afford to be paying the monthly premiums on it, not until sales pick up for the season. Hopefully this will start happening full-force in May and our luck will improve. Meanwhile, we are cutting corners where we can.

My spiritual path is sometimes shaky, but I'm still on it. I'm working on blending my own beliefs better with Brian's so that we can present something cohesive and unified to our children as they begin to understand about holidays and ask questions. He has more need for ritual and tradition throughout the year than I do, so we're looking for ways to embrace that in a way that will be fun for the kids. I received a wonderful book from my sister-in-law for my birthday that I think will help us choose activities in that respect.

I'm still learning, growing, and being. At least once a day I find myself in a moment where I pull away from the chaos around me and let myself feel something small in it's entirety. Some days it's the only thing keeping me sane. Right now, as I posted recently on my blog, I seem to be experiencing my sense of touch a little more acutely. Although the birth of my second child has me feeling extra emotionally too. Partly due to hormones, and partly due to the tiny little bundle of joy that I snuggle in my arms so much throughout the day.

Jareth is adjusting to his new little sister, and about to turn three years old. He's going through the "No Stage" of the terrible two's still though, so some days can be a struggle. Overall, however, he's still such a joy in my life. I cannot imagine my life without my family. They are my everything.

Am I wiser? I think every year I get a little wiser in some things and perhaps less in others. I certainly don't know everything - I never will. I may be learning new things every day, but sometimes it feels as if my brain can only hold so much information and stuff slips out the back door as the new is coming in the front. I know that's not really true, but I've been tempted to look into some of those classes that help with memory recall and speed reading. Both would be useful to me right now. But then, wisdom isn't necessarily about what I know either. Yet as I open doors and break down walls on one side of myself, I close and build on the other. I suppose, in that regard, I sound as if maybe I've found a little more balance in life. That's something anyway. A step towards the right direction if nothing else. I want to be a good example to my children, so I work to make myself better in the process. I don't want to just expect better of them if I can't at least try to achieve it myself.

I have days that suck. I mean really suck. But in the end, it IS still all good.

Okay. Now I'm off to write the next letter to myself, for next year. I wonder what I'll say? Hell, consider it a "hook" to keep y'all reading. *wink*

Current Mood: good

Vid-Card Roulette...

Been playing video card roulette every time I reboot my computer. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't. Today, while rebooting to try and troubleshoot why we've been having problems with the DSL, it didn't. Last straw. I can't get to the internet on Brian's computer without moving cables around (after trying to remember which is which first) and then making changes on his computer so that it knows how to log onto the internet. The way it's set up now, it logs on automatically for him whenever my computer tells it there is internet. Without my computer running, we're SOL when it comes to anything online. Kinda makes me realize how dependent I've become on those little things, like Mapquest and Google.

Needless to say, I went out and spent money we don't have on a video card I didn't want to buy yet. I wanted to wait until we could afford to buy me something a little nicer. Instead, I picked up the least expensive version of the one I already had that fits in the AGP slot. Even going with the lesser model, however, it's still got twice the memory on it that my last card had. The last card was pretty top of the line when I got it, but that was around five years ago. So it ought to be nice when I start gaming again. If I ever find time to do any that is. Free time is pretty scarce lately.

I picked up DSL filters too, since that's the likely problem with the internet. I'm having trouble with finding the right filter for the wall mount phone, however. Looks like I need a different one than I have and I've screwed up the wiring in the process. I'll need to rewire the wire running down the wall, through the crawlspace, and across the basement ceiling. Good grief. I needed that extra project like I needed another hole in the head.

*grumble, mumble, complain, whine, bitch, mumble, grumble*

Okay, done now. I wanted to blog about other stuff. Like Brian's post about losing his ring yesterday. And the couple of THOUSAND spam pings I had to delete on my blog, because some jerk hit me with a bot. I've disabled pings entirely now, probably for good. Comments, however, are still functional. Maybe I'll find time to tomorrow to blog about more stuff. But now - I have to get to bed.

G'night!

Current Mood: cranky

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...

Seems the spammers are back again, plaguing my web site. More and more entries in my archives are having their comments and trackback pings shut off to keep them from being spammed. Mostly I seem to have one person who comes back every so often to drop a single trackback ping on 8 or so posts. They do this for several days and I diligently delete them every time I see them come in. Eventually they get bored and go away to bother some other poor soul. Still, it's annoying as hell. I have far better things to do with my time right now.

Like take more pictures of my baby...

Brian has managed to convince the people he works for that he needs Monday mornings off right now so I can go to class. This gives me some more time to figure out what to do with my kids in the fall while I'm at class. I've found a few options but some are rather costly and others are things I didn't want to do - like put them into daycare. Maybe I'll have better luck while I have the summer semester to look. There's no jewelry classes offered over the summer, so I can't go in to the lab to work anyway. Come fall, I'm planning to take an independent study class. I can choose my hours, but I'll still need someone to watch the kids while I'm there. Short of just making it so that I go in for a full day on Wednesdays...

We'll just have to see what happens I guess.

G'night!

Current Mood: okay

Memories of Touch...

Every once in a while, I go through this stage. I'm experiencing it again right now. It's as if my sensation of touch is more vivid to me than my other senses.

The heat of the water in the shower right now, for example is glorious. The odd sensation of sweat on my scalp when I get too hot, and the cool soothing of the wind as it ripples through my hair. The warmth of the sun on my skin as I'm driving, and it's contrast with the air that ruffles those tiny hairs on my arm. The difference between the slightly oily skin on my baby's scalp, and the soft fuzziness of the skin on her arms and legs. The feel of my son's arms around my shoulders or neck when we hug. The fascinating roughness of my husband's beard. The difference between the cool linoleum of the bathroom floor and the warm, raggedness of the carpeting. The luxury of flannel sheets when I slip into them while the windows are open to let in the night air...

Sometimes sound seems to be this loud, muffled thing around me. Sight can pass before my eyes unnoticed. Taste is savored for a moment, indulged in part because of the change back from the diabetes, but then quickly forgotten. And my sense of smell is still diminished from my head injury about four years ago, so that's rarely a remarkable sense to begin with.

But touch. Touch is so sharply apparent to me right now...

Perhaps it is because I am so tired, a symptom of my stress and exhaustion. Or, perhaps I am just in tune with my infant daughter, for whom touch is so very important right now. Was I like this when my son was first born? I can't remember. Other things come back, however, things I'd forgotten. The way an infant looks at the world, her mouth a little "o" and her eyes wide as she sees it all. The way she tries to hold her head up to see and yet it gets away from her, swaying down to one side or other with gravity when she's laying on her tummy. The way she tucks her little knees up, butt in the air, while she's lying on my chest. How red her little face can get when she's unhappy. How much her little smiles light me up inside, even when I know it's just from her having gas. She can be just like Jareth was when he was this little. But then she is her own tiny, individual self too. It's so amazing to behold.

Sometimes I am just an observer in this life. Sometimes I just sit back and let the experience of it all wash over me. For a moment, I'm connected again. Then I snap back into it, to actively participate and interact with the world around me.

G'night...

Current Mood: contemplative

Out and About...

Last Sunday was Easter, which usually results in a family gathering at Brian's folks' house. Naturally, we attended. After all, how could we possibly resist a chance to show off our newest little family member? Unfortunately a good majority of my pictures turned out darker than they appeared on the little screen my camera has. I think I need to adjust the brighness on it to better reflect how they actually turn out. *grumbles*

There were some that turned out good, however. I thought I'd post a couple here...

Kayla with her Grandma. Brian's mom has itchy fingers as soon as she's near her grandchildren - especially while they are still in the infant stages. She just can't wait to steal them away for a snuggle!

Kayla with her Great Uncle Steve. This is MY uncle, on my mom's side. He was the funnest of my relatives while I was growing up. For some odd reason, my son is terrified of him! It makes NO sense at all, since Jareth usually has this keen sense about people. Despite the fact that Jareth has pointed my uncle out in pictures we have around the house, and seemed to look forward to seeing him - he literally tried to hide in my arms every time Steve actually tried to get near him! I'm totally baffled. Most kids love my uncle. Maybe Kayla will be the one of my kids to figure out that his nose "beeps" and his tongue comes out when you poke him in the belly!

Anyway, it was fun to see family again, and I actually got a chance to kind of relax a bit with all those people around to want to play with Jareth or hold Kayla! I even had wine! A glass of a wine cooler and then a half-glass of a raspberry zinfandel! Mmmm! AND I got to eat both the yummy dinner and dessert without having to worry about my sugar and carbs intake! A holiday indeed!

G'night!

Current Mood: awake

The Long And Short Of It...

Some of you may have seen the comment left on my last post, from RainMoon. But, because I had chosen not to blog about the problems she and I were having in our frienship, there's no real reference point as to what she was commenting on. For one, I've never yelled at her. I CAPITALIZED a few words for emphasis in a recent e-mail I wrote, but that's hardly yelling. *sigh*

I vented about being stressed in my last post, and never even mentioned one of the things that has had me stressed to the max since Monday. Because I didn't feel like airing the dirty laundry here on the internet. Contrary to some people's beliefs, I don't actually blog everything that happens in my life. Sometimes I like to just let things lie quietly in the background and deal with them on my own, especially when friends or family are involved. In this case, however, RainMoon has chosen to bring it out herself. Not just here, on my blog (when I made her a perfectly good blog of her own to do her ranting on), but also on a forum for stay-at-home-moms that she and I are both members of online. She posted a longer version there of what she posted in the comments of my blog. I've already posted my response there.

RainMoon is a nanny, by profession. Therefore, when I started going to class and needed someone to watch Jareth, it seemed logical that I would hire her to do it. If I was going to pay someone, I might as well pay a trusted friend, right? After all, this was something she was used to doing as a job to begin with...

She's been watching Jareth all along, every Monday morning I went to class. I also go to class on Wednesdays too, but Brian has those days off work, and I technically couldn't afford to pay someone for just the one morning, much less two. That's why we arranged it that way. But I didn't feel I could ask RainMoon to watch my son on a day when she could have been making money elsewhere, and NOT pay her something, so we scraped together enough each week to make it work. It's been tight around here. More than I'd like to admit. Especially right now, after three weeks of Brian being off work to be home with Kayla and I. He did not get paid for those three weeks. Thus, the budget is thin right now. And even so, we upped the amount of money we were paying her to a little bit more to compensate for the added child when I went back to class and she was watching them both.

There were issues to begin with. There were a few things I needed to find a way to talk to her about anyway, some relating to watching my children and some relating to our friendship. But what happened last Monday was something I couldn't ignore, wash over, or otherwise disregard.

When I left that morning, I gave her instructions. I told her that there was breastmilk in the fridge (she knew I was having difficulty producing enough milk, and that anything I pumped was precious). I pointed out the empty bottle for it, sitting next to a can of formula on the counter. I opened up the cupboard and pointed out the extra bottles that she could use if she needed to supplement with formula afterwards, if the breastmilk was not enough. I ran upstairs and pulled out more diapers, so she wouldn't have to search for them. I set out everything Jareth needed for breakfast. I did all the stuff that I usually do to get things organized and ready, so it wouldn't be difficult and she could focus on my kids without hassle.

When I came home, however, I found out that she did NOT give Kayla the breastmilk first. Instead, she somehow mistook one of the bottles sitting with the dirty dishes by the sink (NOT next to the formula can where I'd set things out for her) as something to feed Kayla. A bottle that happened to still have two ounces of formula left in it from THE MORNING BEFORE!!! Then, after somehow getting Kayla to drink some of it, she later found the breastmilk and gave it to her...

Fortunately, Kayla is okay. I happened to have a doctor's appointment for her on Tuesday too, and asked him about it. She may have had some extra indigestion as a result, but overall she's fine. Nonetheless, I am still appalled that this could have happened. Not only that, but by someone who nannies as a profession! My children come first and foremost in my life. I don't take chances on their well-being. My trust in RainMoon's ability to care for them was utterly shattered. Thus, I fired her. I sent a long e-mail, explaining my feelings (especially since she stood me up for a mom's group meeting we had that same night, where we could have talked it over), and telling her I'd find someone else to watch my kids. I'm having to entertain the idea of seeing if my professor would let me still finish the class if I only come in on Wednesdays at this point. It's going to be tough trusting someone I don't know to watch them. Look what happened with someone I did trust?! Fortunately a friend I've known for a lot longer is willing to help me out next Monday, but I'm not sure what will happen after that point yet.

This isn't the only issue that has caused the rift between RainMoon and I. I wasn't intending on getting into any of it here, so I'll leave the other problems out for now. But it was not something I could just casually overlook. Not when it's my kids, damnit. No. Fucking. Way.

One does NOT feed my infant day-old formula and then act like they are the one that has been hurt while they leave the house after collecting payment. At least some admission that it was wrong would have helped. But the vague apology for "ruining your day," or whatever exactly she mumbled as she raced out the door, was simply not good enough. She should know what the other issues are that made me want to fire her. Most of them, anyway. There were a couple I never mentioned. I wrote them off as "personality differences" and tended to ignore them out of friendship. I made excuses for her to myself and my husband. After all, she sometimes doesn't come across as she means to - she usually has the best intentions, or at least that's how I looked at it - so I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. But I've had it. And I'm laying my own words out here now, since she chose to bring this out of private e-mail and onto both my blog and another internet forum. Seems only fair that I can speak my mind here. I've even given my readers some context while I was at it, instead of just leaving a paragraph that goes from wishing me a happy birthday to hurling insults.

So, that's that, for now at least. I'm hoping that she'll take any further discussion she wants to have with me up via e-mail, instead of here on the internet. I suppose, if she doesn't, it could be interesting for my readers. Or annoying. Whatever. I can always choose not to justify comments with a response if things get out of hand.

More, hopefully happier, posts another time.

G'night!

Current Mood: discontent

Please Sir, May I Have Some More?

Lately it feels like someone has written "Kick Me" in thick black sharpie on my back. I keep hoping to get through these first few months of Kayla's life gracefully. There are some moments when I even think I'm doing better than I did last time, when Jareth wouldn't let us sleep for more than two hours at any given time. Kayla lets us occasionally get four, five, or even SIX hours all at once. The trouble is, she often seems to make me pay for them later on, with similarly long hours of discontentedness.

While I know there is an end in sight, it's making it harder and harder each day to embrace the "joys of breastfeeding" that's for sure. And, being the type of person I am, every tear my little girl sheds becomes somehow my fault. I'm quick to blame myself. It's how I was raised. Something I'm trying not to include in my own kids' upbringing.

The rest of the world doesn't seem to want my life to be any easier, however. Money is currently tighter than it's been in a long, long while. There's about a billion things I need money for right now and yet there's none extra to be had. We're playing catchup from the three weeks Brian wasn't working, and thus not getting paid. Because companies smaller than a certain size don't have to make any guarantees about paternity leave, no matter what the laws on the big companies are.

I have been hoping to get my jewelrymaking kicked into gear over the summer, once I'm done with the second class. In the fall there is a show I was hoping to have a booth at, if I could get enough merchandise together by then. My main birthday gift was even a four-walled canopy for my booth - people pooled money to get me that! However, I've found out that the jewelry classes don't happen over the summer, and access to the jewelry lab and equipment is dependent upon taking a class. In the fall, I can sign up for Independent Study, and write my own curriculum - learning new stuff and having the teacher handy to ask questions of when I need to. At that point I can start incorporating my curriculum in so that I'm creating pieces I will inevitably sell. That, and access to the equipment, will make the expense of taking the class worthwhile. But, until then, I'm SOL. I've still got to buy quite a bit of stuff before I can start making some of the more basic pieces at home - much less the complex stuff. There's also the matter of needing an area appropriate for working with flame in. We've talked about setting up some walls in the garage and insulating an area that could be heated and cooled for me to have a lab in all year round. But that, too, requires time and money I don't have right now. My hopes of being ready for a show in the fall seem like they are being slowly crushed. I will have to focus myself towards a later show as a goal - I need to keep my eyes towards the endgame.

I've also got a zillion things around here that need to get done. For one, Kayla still doesn't have a bedroom. Hell, the crib is still set up in the corner of Jareth's room - she can't sleep in there when we transfer her into it eventually! Also, thank you's need to be sent for gifts that have been sent to Kayla - ironically, it was MY birthday yesterday, but two boxes arrived for Kayla! I found that amusing at least, since the day itself was pretty much unlike any other Wednesday. But everywhere I look there are things that need doing, and yet I can't get anything done right now. Anytime I'm home there's one child in my arms and another one talking nonstop. I mean NONSTOP. Jareth is at THAT stage. His mouth runneth over, and my head doth spin because of it. Not to mention his HUGE usage of the word "no". Bah. I'd hoped we wouldn't go through that stage. Silly me.

While I may be getting more sleep than the last time I had an infant around, I'm still not quite getting enough. Enough to survive? Yes. Enough overall? No. And Brian is technically getting less than I am I think. I'm not sure. The days sort of mush together in a big aching blur sometimes. I've had a headache since Kayla was born. Literally. It started in the hospital. They mentioned that it was possibly a side effect of the high blood pressure problem I was starting to have at the end of the pregnancy. They almost didn't let me out of the hospital because I couldn't get my blood pressure down enough. The nurse all but yelled at me to try and keep calm during the delivery so I wouldn't have a serious problem. I'll be curious to see what my blood pressure is like next week when I see my doctor again. I fear it may still be high. Between stress and not quite enough sleep... Well, I'm taking an awful LOT of Tylenol lately is all.

Bah. I'm just ranting here. Whining to let off steam. I know that all of this is really being made to feel worse because I just had a baby. That damned post-partum depression thingy. But still... right now I just want to curl up in a little ball in a corner, clutching my aching head, and have a good cry. My head hurts enough I want to throw up. I'm hoping the Tylenol I took ten minutes ago kicks in shortly, as dinner is waiting for me upstairs. Brian's got the baby, so this is the first chance I've had to type anything all day. I should be answering e-mail. I should be doing this. I should be doing that... You should hear the guilt rising. So much to keep track of all the time, there's just no way in hell that I can actually do it all.

And yet... I keep trying. Because otherwise, it won't get done. For most things, I can only rely on myself. Mommy fix. Because that's what mommy does.

But who fixes mommy when she's feeling broken anyway?

*sigh*

I'll stop now. Happier posts next time maybe. I just needed to let some ranting out.

G'night.

Current Mood: depressed

Searching For The Rythym...

I've still been searching for that pattern - that rythym that forms as mother and child settle into some assemblance of a routine with one another. Today, Kayla is one month old, and still we are struggling with breastfeeding, sleep schedules, and her gas pains as she and her gastrointestinal system come to terms with each other. I know enough to realize it's not necessarily what I'm eating - I've been trying to keep a rather mundane, yet healthy diet going, but avoiding things like broccoli (yeah, I know, that's rough huh?) that might cause undue gassiness. Most days I can bring it down so that she has maybe two to four ounces of supplemental formula total - usually at night, when I'm trying to get some sleep and Brian is looking after her. Otherwise, it's breastmilk all the way, despite the fact that it seems like I have her attached to one nipple or another for a good 80% of the day. Hopefully, by doing that, my milk supply will increase enough and then we can narrow it down to bigger, more fullfilling feedings. Plus one pumping per day (hopefully) to have milk on hand for when I'm in class or otherwise unavailable to whip out the old boob. *snarky grin*

Some of the roughest stuff to deal with, however, is when she gets gassy. She cries and cries and there's really not much I can do for her. We give her baby gas drops, and try and find positions that she's more comfortable in, but otherwise she just needs to cry it out. Sometimes the pacifier helps, sometimes she ends up wanting what I call "comfort boob" where she's not really drinking, but suckling purely for reassurance. I try to discourage that, so that she will associate being latched on with eating, but there are times when I just can't bear to hear my little sweetheart cry any longer and I let her just snuggle up and take comfort in me.

She has developed a small case of "baby acne" as the pediatrician calls it - something normal, although it seemed like Jareth had less of it when he was little. Brian has this theory that maybe she's also responding to hormones changing in my body right now too, something I'll try to remember to ask the pediatrician about tomorrow when we go for her one month checkup.

She's also following things with her eyes very avidly and loves watching things during her awake "playtime" when she is active and cooing at everything she can see around her. Jareth has already gotten to "play" with his sister, showing her small, colorful stuffed animals at close range. I've got the 30-second video footage to prove it too - having snagged some .avi files on my digital camera. One of these days I may even get around to putting up a file for the relatives who check in here to download if they wish. Maybe. I tend to get kind of strapped for time though and don't get around to as many of those little things as I'd like to.

In other, slightly belated news, one of Brian's cousins had a baby last month too, which means that Kayla will have a relative her own age! Their baby girl came a month early so she's especially teeny-tiny. The proud parents e-mailed out photos and she's absolutely beautiful. Of course, not a cute as MY little girl. But then I'm not biased at ALL. Nah. *evil grin*

There's other news, technically too. Tons of things I either could or would blog about if I had more time. Much of it is depressing, frustrating, or otherwise unhappy so I've been generally leaving it out. Jewelry class is going well though, despite the leave of absence I took. I finished up a project today at least. Wednesday after next I'll maybe stay late after class while Brian is at home and get more caught up. Not this Wednesday though - that day is MY birthday. I'm gonna kick back and relax after I get home from class. In the meantime, I've got other things to address. *grumble*

Going back to the more cheerful note though, also this week - Happy Birthday to our friend Dr. Matt, who's another year older tomorrow, and to RainMoon, who's birthday falls on Sunday. And to Griffin - in case he's still checking in... isn't your birthday on Wednesday too? Or are you the one who was on the 14th? Arrrgh - I forget which! *grin* So many birthdays in April! Wow!

And last, but certainly not least, here's another photo of Kayla - taken just a couple days ago during one of her "playtime" moments...

G'night!

Current Mood: distressed

Crisis Averted...

This morning was my first day back at class, Brian's first day back at work, and the first day I've left the house without my daughter since she came home from the hospital. I still worried, seeing as how she's only three weeks old and I'm an avidly over-protective mommy, but she was in RainMoon's capable hands and all was well.

The morning itself, however, did not bode well. After feeding Kayla and getting mostly ready to go to class, I put in my Quick Shtick Writing post and then threw together a quickie document of images of my kids (okay, admittedly they were mostly of Kayla - duh!) to print out and take with me to class. The printer did weird things on me (as my printer sometimes does), causing me to have to reboot after the computer somehow decided that it no longer existed (problem with the USB hub too - she needs more power Captain!). The problem was - when I rebooted, there was nothing showing on the screen suddenly!

I ruled out hard drive/motherboard error quickly enough, leaving monitor/video card failure as the only options. Swapping monitors momentarily seemed to fix it, but only on a fluke. In the end, it seemed the video card was the culprit. But I had to go to class, so I couldn't troubleshoot it further.

Examination this evening showed that dirty gunk had clogged up the fan on my video card - EWWW! I guess I need to open the box and use a can of air on it now and again. I was able to clean it up and get it moving again and all appears to be well. *phew!* We really can't afford to be replacing expensive computer bits just now, so I was pleased to see it all come back online. Crisis averted.

That's all for now though. I think my littlest one is getting hungry...

Current Mood: relieved