DragonBlog

One does not thump the cage of G'Quan...

So much going on, much of which I'm just not posting about right now. Upcoming Solstice celebrations will include a family breakfast, which we're looking forward to. And there's lots of little year-end things adding themselves onto my long "to do" lists... so much to remember as 2007 winds quickly to an end.

The end of this year is marking the end of quite a few things, but I was stunned to learn that we lost our iguana the other morning. I suppose it shouldn't have been totally unexpected - we've been kicking up quite a bit of dust and fumes in the family room for a while now, trying to get it redone ever since the flood, but we'd been trying to keep her cage covered during the worst of it, to minimize her exposure. Unfortunately, the habitat she's been in is just too big to just move into another room while we worked. I suspect that she finally succumbed after we had a huge round of cleaning and clearing out last weekend, which kicked up a surprising amount of dust and cat hair. All the while, I had been more worried about how Jareth and I were going to deal with all those allergens assaulting our systems - I didn't expect it to be harder on G'Quan. We also think she might have been building up eggs again and she's had trouble with those in the past. I guess it was a combination of things. Regardless, it's still hard to believe. Every time I go down into the family room, I expect to see the familiar greenish-yellow glow of the heat/UV lamps coming from her cage. It seems so DARK down in our family room right now. I suppose it's a good thing we're not done yet, so we're not spending any time down there. Jareth hasn't even realized she's gone yet. We're still trying to decide the best way to explain it to him...

There's a doozer. What to tell the four-year-old when a family pet dies? It was easier when we gave the cats away - they went off in carriers to be with another person. A new home! How cool! It was a positive thing and we presented it that way. When my in-laws had to put their little dog to sleep, we just sort of never mentioned it. We waited to see if he noticed and planned to keep it simple, but he must have just assumed that the dog got a new home too or something - he never asked. I think the cat situation led the way for that, and children adapt easily if the concept is set up for them.

Fortunately, he hasn't been seeing the iguana every day. I suppose that's a blessing. But the next time they go down there, one of the children will ask "where'd the 'guana go?" and something will have to be said. Explained. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that.

To top it off, I miss the durn critter. Now it's just me and the kids in the house during the day. I feel outnumbered without my cats and the lizard to at least lsten to my whining about the kids. She and I used to watch one another sometimes, when my desk was down in the same room with her. She probably thought I was nuts...why aren't you out basking in the sun, you stupid biped! Get off that computer and get some fresh air!

I hope her next life rocks!

Anyway... more later. When things aren't as chaotic!

Current Mood: anxious

'Round the Old Oak Tree...

It is coming up on 13 years now, since my mother passed away of a rare cancer. Finally, after that many years of keeping her ashes safe, I have released them. Well, my half of them anyway. Yesterday, I sent the other half off to my sister, so that she can choose what she wants to do with them. Despite the fact that she and I aren't currently on speaking terms (a whole other story in and of itself that I'm not going to get into here), I figured she'd want the chance to do something on her own. Part of what I'd been waiting for was to do something with her, but now...

Well, frankly, I need to move on with my life. There are too many stressful things hurting me and my family right now as it is. Releasing my mother is also releasing one burden I've been carrying on my shoulders. Eldest child syndrome, I guess. I don't know. But I seem to be the keeper of all things relating to my mother's family.

But I've been holding on to too much of it apparently. So last Saturday, Brian and another friend, M, helped me in a small releasing ceremony. Some other friends of ours (thanks J & J!) allowed me to hold it on their propery, around a large, mature oak tree. Since they also have a small, old cemetery on their property, and have a beautiful space of land where they do prairie restoration and awareness programs, it seemed like an appropriate place. There is a lot of positive energy flowing there. A good place to let my mother rest.

I didn't know how (or if) the act of releasing the ashes would affect me. But it does. I have been carrying around a guilt about it for some time. Her ideal had been for her ashes to be released in some other country - to go abroad, so to speak. A friend of hers had planned to take her ashes to New Zealand, but I guess it never worked out as she never asked for the ashes. My mother really wanted to go to England, and I had hoped to go on a trip with my sister to England, once she'd graduated from college. Unfortunately, by graduation, we weren't speaking anymore. I guess it's just as well. We could have had a ceremony, but I'm not sure they would have actually allowed us to take the ashes there anyway.

Honestly, it doesn't really matter if it is here or there, so long as it was somewhere beautiful. I remember her saying that once. She would like the place I have chosen. There is so much life and positive energy there.

The urn itself, now just an empty vessel, is not traditional. She didn't want some ordinary metal can, so I had painted a gallon-sized glass jar (the kind with the rubber seal top). The jar has been gently washed out and will now become a repository for little things that remind me of her. Trinkets, perhaps some photos - things relating to her that will remind me of something. Things that will allow me to tell the happy stories to my children when they are old enough to remember the stories I have to tell.

This is good. All of it. A good way to finally say goodbye.

And now, my own family can move forward, free of one more burden.

Brian will be blogging about this too. I'm not sure what he'll say. He led the ceremony, as a shaman would - calling the spirits to protect us and bear witness, creating the circle, etc. For him, it was the first time he did such a ceremony. A shamanic "ritual" as it were. So, for him, it was a different experience...

Current Mood: relieved

Photo pretty

So much going on and I'm looking at changing formats here on the blog. It's not that I don't want to keep blogging, it's more that I don't have a lot of time for long posts and I know most of my readership won't mind at all if I bulk up on the photos of the kids and such moreso than the long-winded posts...

Thus, when I have time, I think I may pull this blog into archives and upload something more photo-blog like. I'll still have some antectodal space for my ramblings, but I think I will be heavier on imagery. No clue as to when exactly it will happen though. Things are busy, busy, busy right now.

Meanwhile, in proper photo-blog style, a picture:

She finally let me put little pigtails in her hair. They didn't last long, but I totally got pictures. Wheee!

EDIT: sometimes pictures aren't showing up properly on my blog. Not sure why, but I've also been uploading them to the gallery too. Link on the left. :-)

Current Mood: amused