DragonBlog

Little Ramblings

I have to say that even with my iPhone to help me sift through and delete the crap and spam email while I'm pooping anyway I have a free moment, I still feel like every free moment means sitting down at my computer and sorting through the rest. Right now there are 63 email sitting in my inbox on my main account and over four thousand in a reserved box in outlook that feeds off my "business" account for the jewelry stuff. No, these are not orders. I subscribed to a list where other jewelers share ideas and questions and I'm trying to glean the wisdom of the ages out of it.

Not ALL of it is wisdom, mind you. It's just that there's enough of it in there to make me want to read it.

Grrrr...

In other news, we did NOT suffer any problems from the recent flooding across the Chicagoland area. Thankfully it seemed to cut across just south of any area that might really effect us, although Brian did have to work from home yesterday because the office he goes to was closed. He was able to still do what he needed at home though, which was fortunate. Looking over the images and reading the stories though - I am really caught off guard by the scope of the flooding. It seemed strange to me to see that areas of the airport flooded - there were pictures online of busses at the airport with water coming up steps into the bus, and people being rescued from flooding baggage terminals. In pictures of other areas - further southwest, I saw an image of the football field at my High School totally flooded and while it's next to a tiny lake, it's not really near one of the rivers that closely. In the northwest, I saw a road I frequently travelled when we once lived in Streamwood - closed off and flooded out. Areas of Elgin were hit too, although that was by the river and further away from where we once had an apartment. It all has that "it could have been us" feel to it. My heart goes out to anyone who's having to deal with the aftermath right now - especially in the seven counties that have already been declared disaster areas by the state. My heart also goes out to those dealing with Ike too, however. I can only try to imagine what dealing with these kinds of disaster must be like. Today, I feel blessed that I am safe and dry.

The rain has, however, made everything look green around here again. Driving home from dropping Jareth off at school this morning, I noticed that the fields I pass looked greener today. It feels like the last great hurrah before everything begins to turn to deep yellows, oranges, browns and reds. Already some of the leaves are turning. I love the colors this time of year. It also helps that we're coming up on a point where my allergies begin to slowly subside and give way for me to open windows and air out the house. I find myself more inclined to do fall cleaning than in the spring and already I was vaccuming like mad yesterday - clearing cobwebs and getting dust off the baseboards. Time to tidy up before we are shut in over the winter. The Fall Equinox is coming next Monday and I need to prep. Brian may take the day off so we can go to the arboretum or some other cool tree-laden place with the kids. I might look for apple-picking places too - I know a couple web sites I can peruse for those. Each of our seasonal holidays are slowly becoming more interesting with each year we do them. I've already had a few people intrigued by our Winter Solstice celebrations. Just explaining them to others has been making me look forward to Solstice already. That's a nice change from the yearly dread that I used to feel about Christmas coming.

Rambling onwards - I had a few fun moments of conversation I heard from the children as of late. A few days back, on the way to school, Jareth and Kayla were discussing motorcycles. I believe they had seen one on the road that had prompted them to talk about what "their" motorcycle would look like...

Jareth: My motorcycle would be pink!
Me: Pink? Why pink? If I had a motorcycle it would be dark blue, or black, or gray...
Kayla: My motorcycle would be gray!
Jareth: (obviously contemplating) Well...
Kayla: And daddy would push me!
Me: Daddy would push you on the motorcycle?
Kayla: (with that excited, dreamy sound to her voice) Yeah!
Me: (slightly skeptical, but amused at the imagery)Oooo-kaaay.
Kayla: AND there'd be helmets!
Jareth: Yeah, I'd have a helmet too!

I shall need to remind them of this conversation if either of them ever actually DOES own a motorcycle. That's my kids... helmeted... awesome!

Then, yesterday, when Brian didn't go to the office for work, it meant that his car was still in the garage when we got back from dropping Jareth off for school. As we backed back into the garage, Kayla - Mistress of Astute Observation - pointed out to me:

Kayla: There's daddy's car.
Me:Yep.
Kayla:Is daddy going to walk to work?

Sometimes I just love how the little wheels in their minds turn, taking what information they have to go on and making assumptions with Kid Logic algorithms. Brilliant. And totally entertaining.

I probably have a million more, but they slip away quickly over the course of the day. I'll try to post them more often as Kayla seems to be a wealth of them right now. She brain-growth-spurting, which is totally fun to watch.

I just have to keep remembering not to warp their little minds with my sad, sick sense of humor. *wink*

Anyway, that's all for now. Still considering what I want to do about the photoblog thing and how I want to handle the transition from this one to that one. I haven't decided if I want to try to import all of this one into the new one and continue from there, or just keep this one as an archived, purely html output. I do want to save this one, as it has all manner of great stuff to blackmail the kids with share with the kids one day. We'll see what happens...

Current Mood: amused

Slow But Steady...

This week has been slightly more productive than most of the others over this summer. Despite having gone off my sleeping pills, and totally switching around when I take meds/vitamins/supplements, I have been able to get more done and get up earlier in the morning recently. Which, of course, means I am now just attacking a huge stack of "little shit" that has been collecting all around my computer. Ugh. Forms to fill out for Jareth's school, and a zillion other things that have been "awaiting my attention". Busy, busy, busy...

As for the meds, I am glad to be off the sleeping pills finally. After over a year on them, I don't think I was getting decent sleep AND they were no longer helping me GET to sleep in the first place. Without them, it takes me forever to get to sleep and I toss and turn and only get a decent sleep about every third night. Brian and I have been working with Melatonin in my system to try and reset my clock though and it's been getting better slowly. I think I have a problem with Restless Leg Syndrome though, and just started new meds to combat that last night...

Of course THEY made me nauseaus and then knocked me flat on my ass, leaving me drowsy again this morning - much like the sleeping pills left me drowsy. Argh. And that was the LITTLE dose. We'll see how the next few nights go, but I was at least getting better QUALITY sleep without nighttime meds when I did sleep, AND I was able to get out of bed in the morning. I don't want to go back to the sluggish, "I can't get out of bed" crap in the AM again - I lose nearly half the day. Not only that, but Jareth starts school again at the beginning of September so I'll HAVE to drag my ass out of bed and then DRIVE! I was having enough trouble before... ugh.

I've also started meds for my blood pressure. I have joked with Brian recently that all my worrying that I'd get cancer one of these days was clearly out of place - I'm going to get EVERY OTHER LITTLE FUCKING MEDICAL ISSUE INSTEAD!!! ARRRGH!!!

*pauses to destress, and thus bring blood pressure back DOWN again*

Ahh, yes. Much better.

I've been through the list of possible things that could cause blood pressure problems and the only one I can really blame is stress. I did have my blood pressure go up at the end of the last pregnancy though, and it has been "elevated" ever since. Now it's high enough that my new doctor has giving me meds to try and help.

Damnit.

Damnit. Damnit. Damnit.

I'm in a phase where I'd like to reduce as much medications from my system as possible, and detox, so to speak. I've already reduced my caffeine intake back down too. Mrrrgh. It's starting to feel like I can't have anything anymore. Nevermind I've been eating salads and slimfast bars for most of my meals for weeks now and not lost a damned pound.

*snarls vicously*

Oops. There I go again. Probably because I'm about to go stuff myself into a bathing suit again and walk down to the beach with the kids. It's wonderful having a little private beach in this neighborhood, only about a block away. It's not so wonderful having to go up and down the Super Steep Hill to get there though. But, more on that later.

Oh... did I mention that I've moved. Yeah. Except it's a pain right now, as we still need to sell the old house. At least it's finally on the market... at the worst possible time to be selling. But we're closer to the school Jareth is going to, and we have more room and a room I've been allowed to claim to be my studio... But, more on that another time. Meanwhile, I've got to get the kids some lunch before the beach. But, I wanted to check in. It's been a while since my last post. Not that I haven't written a thousand posts in my head again. I just haven't had time to write them.

Later!

Current Mood: busy

Quiet...

It is summer. Has been for a couple of weeks now, actually. We celebrated Summer Solstice by having a luncheon feast, playing outdoors, and making some simple, summery crafts to brighten up our house. Meanwhile, the "spring" decorations went back into their box. It seams we don't have a lot of "summery" items to distribute about, which I will have to work on. Fall stuff is easier to come by, and we seem to have plenty of Winter and Spring stuff, in their boxes oddly-marked as "Christmas" and "Easter". *cough* I really need to go 'round with a sharpie now and again and clear that up.

Summer also means no school for Jareth. While Kayla still has a few weeks of Parent-Child class, I decided not to go ahead with any classes or camps for Jareth. I thought it would be nice to have him home and we could relax and settle in before we start the hectic fall schedule, and Kindergarten. I also thought that we would have ALL THIS TIME to do the beach, play in the yard, see some sights (Jareth wants to go to the zoo and go on a train ride this summer) and maybe have Brian use up one or two or maybe even THREE days of his "vacation time" from work to do fun stuff with us. I was also figuring I'd have all this "extra" time that I normally spend shuttling Jareth to and fro for school. Extra time to spend working on jewelry.

And yet, it seems that so far the only chance I get to get into my studio is to water my spider plants. Which need hanging. They have baby spider plants growing on them and I'm afraid they aren't getting the right sort of light just sitting there on the ledge at the window. One of these days I'll find time to get the hooks and put them up. I suppose I could have been doing that now, instead of blogging, eh? Ahh, well...

What I AM having time for this summer is my kids! I have been playing with them (in-between all the Errands and Other Important Tasks), and doing my best to set some things up so that we will have "family time" available on the weekends. Last Saturday, we all hit the local beach and everyone except Kayla came back sunburnt! We were so involved with making our great Sand Lake and filling it with water until a wall burst, that we entirely forgot to put on sunscreen! Kayla was less ambitious about playing in the water, and thus stayed in the nearby shade more.

Of course, you'd think we'd learn from such mistakes. I spent the week staying inside mostly, attempting to avoid getting more sun on our already blistering backs. Lotioning up Jareth to try and keep him from peeling - although it peeled anyway.

But we're big, opposable-thumbed APES, really. We went out there yesterday again - more beach, more sand, more... that's right, say it - SUN! And, yes... more sunburn on Brian and I as a result. Somehow, as Brian was slathering sunblock on BOTH of our children, it never occurred to him to say "gee - should we have some of this on too?" And I LOATHE getting all slimy from the stuff so I seem to have been in avoidance mode. Fortunately, we were only out there for about half the time as before, and not at the prime burn hours.

Meanwhile, back at the... well, actually I don't live in a Ranch-style home at all, so I guess I can't use that line. Hrm. Anyway, I've been feeling a bit flummoxed (not sure if that's the spelling, but I don't know what anacronym to throw after it to show that I'm just feeling too lazy right now to look the bugger up) and frustrated. I'm trying to figure out why every morning it feels like I'm having a mild drug reaction even though I haven't changed anything in the mix lately. Grrr. I also noticed that it was HUGELY different the morning after allergy shots, which makes me wonder what's up with that. It's just never pleasant to wake up early in the morning, take some pills and pop back into bed for another hour or so and then practically NOT be able to get back out of bed because your hands and feel suddenly feel swollen and pins-and-needles! Anyway, needless to say, I should be getting off my ass and seeing a doctor. I keep trying to do things to diet and exercise instead, trying to convince myself that if I could just lose weight maybe it would make me feel better and I wouldn't have to worry about it. Except I seem totally unable to actually lose weight - I'm fighting over the same eight-pound range over and over again each month. I may have technically, finally lost a dress size in the last six months, but I am really frustrated it hasn't been better. Especially since I don't actually have any blue jeans that are actually IN that particular size. I'll have to go shopping, come Fall, and it won't be for my new "skinny wardrobe" at this rate.

The only good news is that my old, ugly swim suit actually fits me this summer. Fortunately, it's mostly black and tends to draw the eyes to the front, where the ample cleavage will distract most people from the fact that if you turn me sideways you'll see that my profile is considerably LESS of an hourglass shape than if you look at me front-on. *sigh* Back to relying on the "girls" for distraction again. God, I hate being so cliche...

For the most part, though. It is a quiet summer in. Time for me to figure out which direction I want to take a couple of things in the Fall. I'm considering applying to a college in Chicago so that I can finish my degree - this time in Fine Arts. I'm not sure that we'd be able to swing it just yet though, so it might get put on the back burner until Kayla starts school too. I am also working out how the schedule needs to start working to get my jewelry & art stuff back into gear more. I have at least three projects waiting to be finished in there and more in my head that need to be begun. I am also looking to be more involved at the school my kids are going to - They seem to want to start up a school blog, so I'll at least be involved with that. Possibly more though. There have been some issues within the works of the school - most of which I don't have enough info to really make my own opinions about - that seem to lead to a similar need for more communication between different areas of the school, if nothing else. Perhaps the blog can help facilitate that. Perhaps we will be getting involved in other ways too though, to make sure that if the school is not always what we wanted it to be, we can still have an effect on it being what we expect of it.

Okay, done rambling again. I have tons to say. Tons of pictures too. But I've spent all the time on the computer for today pretty much rambling. Bah. Maybe I'll upload some pics tomorrow. We'll see. Then again, I think tomorrow we plan to hit the beach again... Cross your fingers we remember to use the stupid sunscreen!

Current Mood: mellow

Belly Bug...

"The Belly Bug" is how the doctor layman-termed. AKA Gastroenteritis, or something like that. Kayla's got it. I've got it. Ugh.

Tuesday night, as I crawled into bed, I told Brian how miserable I was feeling. "I'm suffering," I complained. At the time, however, I thought it was just allergies. I'd been gettting progressively feeling worse for about a week, but most of the symptoms seemed to be allergy ones. Kayla, however, had thrown up the night before. She had been refusing to eat much on Monday, so I knew she was fighting something off, and I'd given her Tylenol and such to help ease the discomfort. She'd eaten great at dinner, so I thought she'd been feeling better. Then dinner arrived on her bedsheets. She was pretty upset. She's only had her "big girl bed" for a couple of weeks now and was devastated to have "noodles" (mac & cheese) all over her new butterfly sheets.

Then she seemed fine all day Tuesday. On the mend. Must have been a 24-hour bug...

Then, Tuesday night, she and I both started throwing up around 3am. I believe Brian said she threw up four times, or at least there were that many outfit changes for her. I wouldn't know for sure though - I was in the bathroom throwing up and having diarreah myself nearly every half an hour. Around 8am, I threw in the towel and we all crawled into the car for a trip to the ER. Kayla and I BOTH had IVs put in. My poor little girl was such a trooper. Brian has this picture of her sitting there with her arm all wrapped in gauze on a small board to keep the IV in place. She looks so sad and tired in it.

We were at the hospital for hours and hours - From about 9am to about 5pm. They gave me a couple of things for nausea and I had an allergic reaction to the second one. That's a first for me, so now I know I can't have Phenegran. I keep rolling that word in my mouth, trying to make sure I remember it well, so I can tell doctors later on. Fffffen-eh-gran. Phenegran. After the horrible tingling, pins-and-needles in my hands, arms, legs, and feet, and all the surface muscles in my legs clenching, and the roiling and twitching in my abdomen, and the overall feeling that something was just wrong with me... AND I was hypersensitive to every touch sensation. I haven't shaved my legs in a couple days and I swear it felt like someone had tossed a porcupine under the sheets to snuggle up against my legs. *shudder*

They dosed me good with Benadryl to deal with the reaction and gave me some other stuff. At the time I felt torn between that feeling that maybe more drugs weren't the solution, but still... glad they finally found the concoction to make me feel better. Still, there was a little while where I was torn when they offered to keep me overnight for observation. There was still some numbness and pins-and-needles feeling in my extremeties when we left the hospital, but I just wanted to get home to my own bed. After which, with some meds for nausea and pain I passed out for a good long time last night.

Today is a rest day. Brian stayed home (although he's been trying to telecommute on his work laptop too) to take care of Kayla and I while I rest. Problem is... can't just sleep the entire day away. The pain stuff they gave me doesn't totally knock me out that much. So... my laptop has travelled up to the bedroom for a while to keep me a little entertained. Thought I'd actually throw a blog post up for once. Heh.

Tons to get done tomorrow though, as a result. Grocery shopping has been bounced back to then. I also need to do final preparations for Jareth's birthday party this Saturday, as well as a family get-together for it on Sunday. I still haven't picked up the gift WE want to get him either. And I have some phone calls to make from the RSVPs. Happily, though - looks like it will be a fairly good crowd of kids for his party. He's totally excited.

Alright, enough for now. Tired of typing. More rest...

Current Mood: sick

Well, Crap...

Okay, third try to write this damned post...

Summary:

Saturday was my birthday.

Went really great.

Details LATER. Once I figure out why my browser keeps opening the wrong program for PDF files, which shuts it (the browser) down completely AND once I figure out how to disable the damned trackpad on my laptop so I quit bumping it with my wrists when typing - thus losing my entire (rather long) post.

I even tried to copy the last post before the program shut down, to keep the text to retry it. This is what I got when I pasted:

---------------------------
Acrobat plug-in.
---------------------------
The Adobe Acrobat/Reader that is running can not be used to view PDF files in a Web Browser.
Please exit Adobe Acrobat/Reader and exit your Web Browser and try again.
---------------------------
OK
---------------------------

DAMNIT! Let's not even TALK about how many times I have exited my web browser to try again. *grumble*

I think I'll go set something on fire now. Did I mention I got a new torch for my studio for my birthday? Or, maybe I'll just head upstairs and hide under my nice new birthday blankie. It's warm and soft. Not like the computer. It's warm and cruel. Grrrrr.

More later. Grumpy now.

Current Mood: grumpy

Slowly Getting Back Online

Well, my pretty new laptop arrived! Wheee! It's not even mega-top-of-the-line-cool, like a couple of the ones I saw online, but it's UBER-faster than my older-than-shit desktop downstairs. But, there's this little thing called "budget", and I was informed that the mego-drool-machines just weren't in it. Neither, aparently was the nearly $8000 plasma TV I saw at Best Buy recently. I've never been quite so enthralled by a pretty TV before. Brian appropriately dragged my ass away from it before I could even write down the stats so that I could buy one in, say, ten years or so. When I can get it off Craig's List for $50. But, budgets are harsh mistresses, and those pesky little things like "groceries" and "clothes for the children" took priority, so we ordered me a little Dell Inspiron, making liberal use of a discount Brian had through work. It may not be all top-of-the-line, but it's still got it goin' on. *bounce*

It arrived early last week and I've only JUST managed to retrieve all my archives off of my older version of Opera so I can properly log in to all my web crap and such. And I'm still having royal arguements with MS Outlook and iTunes, trying to import archives so they mesh with my phone... bleh. It all makes my head hurt. Needless to say I've been busy importing, downloading, installing, and cursing. Eventually, though, it will all be done and it will be totally cool at my little laptop. Yay! *crosses fingers*

That'll probably be about the time I need to upgrade again... right? *rolls eyes*

I'm looking forward to getting it all into some assemblence of order though. Then I can spend a little time each week working on the web sites that need updating. Like this one. *grin*

Meanwhile, this week is spring break. *twitch* I had the kids home all last week because of illnesses, and now this week there just ISN'T school. *twitch-twitch* I think I'm a wee bit stir crazy in here.

More later. Other stuff to do now.

Current Mood: crazy

Great Tits, Bad Ass...

Had my first mammogram just over a week ago. While I have an appointment where they will follow up with a yearly "woman's health" exam *grumble, wince, compain* the place I had the scan at sent me a "layman's terms" letter in the mail. I'm pleased to say that I got the all-clear notice. I've been dodging having that exam, and frankly I thought the stress of waiting for the results alone was going to put me into the grave. Any time someone starts using the C-word and pointing in my general direction I get... edgy. It hasn't helped that I think we've been battling some sort of stomach bug or other around here. I've felt prettey well flattened for nearly a week. Bleh.

Meanwhile, now I just need to stop trying to dodge the "colonoscopy" bullet. One of these days. Maybe. Mostly I'm still too terrified of that one to go. No matter how many times people tell me that I won't remember a thing... *shudder*

Anywho... All tests CURRENTLY in circulation come in clean. That's worth something. *nod-nod-nod*

Meanwhile, back at the ranch... in less than a week's time, my daughter will turn TWO YEARS OLD. Already!?!

Pictures coming soon. Ooooh! - and so's that laptop I've been whining about! *bounce*

Current Mood: relieved

Don't Piss Off The Mirror...

It's not that I haven't wanted to blog. It's just that the current location of my computer happens to be FREEZING all the time. So... until we resolve the situation, either by expensive and time-consuming wall-cutting, duct adding, and other mishap-ridden adventures (or *ahem* by just upgrading me to a *cough* laptop already *cough*) my teeth-chattering moments at the computer have been limited.

And then there's the little issue where this damned blog software got hacked. *insert angry dragon growl here*

Yes, someone finally hacked my old, battered copy of Movable Type and I had to disable a script. Scratch that... I had to DELETE the script. The sad part is that I can't even remember what that particular script even DOES, so I don't actually know that when I go to hit the "SAVE" button at the bottom this post will... um... post.

Yah. Lovely.

So, when I get my laptop have a chance to work on the computer again, I will finally bust my little brain on getting some newer software to blog with - ideally aimed at easier photoblogging so I can pop more pics up too.

Meanwhile, we have been uber busy lately. But really, I just want to share the best comment out of my darling little boy from late, as I was backing my SUV into the garage, trying not to smash my side mirror against the doorway in the process:

"Careful, mommy! Don't piss the mirror off!"

I had Brian on the phone via earbuds at the time and he heard it too, through the little microphone. We BOTH got a laugh out of that one. Fortunately, I did NOT bump my mirror or anything, but I think of that every time I back in now.

Also... my garage door opener... is a fair-weather friend. It WILL NOT open if it is under 20 degrees farenheit outside. You know - the kind of weather I do NOT want to get out of the car and "help" the damn thing lift itself for?

*rolls eyes*

As if I didn't have more important things to be dealing with than a geriatric garage door opener.

Ahhh, well.

Current Mood: hopeful

The Bitch is Back...

We are, FINALLY, back online. This is day two of having reliable, high-speed internet service once again and frankly - it's about damned time! Let's just say that mommy was getting a bit cranky. With the amount of winter illnesses and other major tasks and small catastrophes that have been running rampant about our house, I really didn't need to be offline TOO. Bleh.

But now, we are back.

And I still can't blog about all the GOOD stuff yet. *mumble, grumble, complain*

Suffice it to say that I have posted pictures to the gallery instead. That will have to tide you over for now. And, because my Mother-In-Law all but pouted recently that there weren't new pictures. I don't have time to go through and put up a ton right now, but I did just dump my camera after a span and so I put a few up of Kayla showing off her boots after figuring out how to get them on by herself, as well as a couple from the holidays, including Kayla in her fluffy, soft new robe (a gift from Brian's folks, I might add), and an absolutely beautiful shot of Kayla with Brian. Only one of my recent pictures of Jareth was post-worthy, but the one I did get turned out great. My guys clean up pretty good, I think. *grin*

But, not much time to actually blog. If you haven't read it yet on his blog, Brian got into an accident with his car (no, he's not hurt, but the car was fairly trashed). So I'm busy spending my fresh new bandwidth on online car-hunting for him. Then (despite snow and my snotty new cold) we're going to meet somewhere halfway after he gets off work so we can actually make it to a car dealership on time. Last night we got there just AFTER they closed and, therefore, didn't get to look at squat. He needs a new car. Right now is not the time to be dishing out money for a rental car (which we're doing so he can get to work).

Oops. The alarm on my cell phone just chirped at me to let me know it's time to go wake the kids, stuff them with food, and then shove them into their car seats...

Fucking technology. When's the alarm that says it's time for my nap? Grrr.

Meh. More when I get the chance.

Current Mood: sick

Another Catch-Up Post

Things that have happened over the time since my last post that I can mention here:

Two child head injuries - one where my daughter managed to trip and fall headlong into the corner of a doorjamb. This resulted in a perfectly straight wound that brought blood up just below the surface and the scab is still not entirely gone. The very next day, my son managed to flip over and smack the top of his head on the slippery floor at a place where one of his friends was having their birthday party. Her wound was more severe, but he sure managed to complain more about his. Fortunately, both are actually just fine. Neither required stitches or ER visits (although calls to the pediatrician were made). *phew*

I have finally earned my "squirrel-slayer" title, albiet only by unfortunate accident. Normally I'm the type that will throw on the brakes and swerve to avoid hitting the smallest of road critters (although twice I've strangely had birds dive-bomb the vehicle I was driving at the time!) but when the guy in front of my suddenly swerved, I followed suit - only to follow in his tracks as he failed to miss the squirrel. I will forever have this small sketch of horrible slow-motion stuck in my head as the squirrel twisted and writhed in obvious injury before the crunching sound that it made when my own tires rolled over it. *shudder* I suppose, at least, that I put him out of his poor squirrel-misery. *sniff*

Ohh... since I seem to be driving a lot lately, and also seem to be stuck behind them frequently - is it Lexuses or Lexi? We think Lexi. Because it amuses us. Brian and I, that is.

Then there's the train story. On my way out to meet Brian somewhere about a week or so ago, I was stopped near some train tracks as a bit of traffic congestion had built up. I was confused as I watched cars pulling off to the side of the road. Then I noticed the car ON the tracks. Something had happened and they had swerved such that the car had partly falled off the paved area going across the tracks so that the front wheels were over in the railroad part. He couldn't back up.

Let me just note that this was also during rush-hour. Prime train time, as commuter trains zoom back and forth getting people home from their workplaces.

Realization set in for me about what was about to happen. A train would come - shortly - and this guy couldn't back up from where he was stuck. His wife was walking away from the car, a car seat in one hand. I assume the child either wasn't with them, or had already been removed while the man desperately tried to save the car.

But the beautiful part is next. It still makes my eyes well up. I've seen so many instances where people just walk on by - I get very cynical about the human race in general as of late. So it was simply a beautiful thing to watch all those people streaming from their cars, leaving them sitting at the side of the road, engines still running, as they rushed to help this guy. He had gotten out and started trying to push it back up onto the paved area and they joined him. Within moments, I watched, (I would have left to help if my own kids hadn't been in the car with me - which was the only reason I hesitated - I didn't want to leave them alone) as at least a dozen men rushed in to help him get that car back up onto the pavement. They pushed it back, he leapt inside and backed it quickly up and out, onto the regular road again.

It was about 5 - 10 seconds before the gate started flashing. Less than 30, for sure, before the train flew by us. I can only imagine what might of happened if the car had still been on the tracks.

Once in a while, human nature will step up and surprise me. I'm glad it still can.

There's other stuff in the works that I'm leaving out of the blog for now. But we had a lovely Thanksgiving again this year, with Brian's family and my uncle in attendance. Hooray for family! And the fact that I ate beyond my normal capacity again. Hooray for stuffing! *grin* There goes the diet. Again.

Current Mood: busy

Halloween, Pics, & Illnesses...

Brian has been putting me to shame here, suddenly picking up the pace and posting a bunch on his blog recently. I, on the other hand, have been quiet. Some of it lately, has been lack of time. Some of it lately has been that I've got a little boy in preschool and I think he keeps bringing me home "presents" in the form of the latest virus for me to try to battle with my medicine cabinet and orange juice. Moms aren't supposed to get sick though. Nevermind - I ended up having to have Brian stay home yet again today to help me get him to school while I hid under the covers and tried to let the antibiotics do their job. Grrr. Not what I wanted for Halloween this year.

I have tons of pictures I need to upload. Haven't gotten to that either. Most of my computer time has been being spent just keeping up with email and two web sites I'm working with. My paying client got hacked, and I've had to have the server wipe his account clean so I could start from scratch. Not once, but twice. The second time I had to convince them to do it - they wanted to just close his account on them! Arrgh. I'm NOT a script person - I use bundled stuff and leave the scripting to the pros - I'm a designer. So finding the problem is baffling and basically I'm going to have to switch programs. The other web site is for a non-for-profit organization I'm involved in, for parents, and while I designed the site and have it up and running, I still need to get some of the nitty-gritty stuff in at the back end of things. It just feels like I haven't got the time or energy for much anymore so this blog has been falling to the wayside as something I don't have any requirement to do. Sometimes it's all about prioritizing.

And then, there's the doctor's appointments. It's frustrating, as I still don't have a primary care physician to coordinate and make sense of everything for me. I had a new guy, but the overly-long waits in his office made me reconsider him. I can only deal with keeping the kids quiet and subdued in the waiting rooms for only so long. They get bored and antsy and then it grates on my nerves. By the time I actually get to SEE a doctor, I'm a wreck, my kids are obnoxious, and I just want to get the hell out of there. Not a productive way to start a doctor-patient relationship. I have the name of the next contestant, and have been assured that the wait there isn't so abominable. Ugh. The good news is that my "bloodwork" is fine. It's always fine. Geez, people - how many times do I have to tell everyone that my goddamned thyroid is fine? *rolls eyes*

Anyway, there are pictures coming and what-not when I have more time. Meanwhile, go check out Brian's Blog instead. LOL. His posting style is utterly different from mine, but at least he's posting. I'll try to post again soon. And have a Happy Halloween. Try not to eat ALL the candy at once... *guilty look*

Current Mood: busy

Loose Change...

It was brought to my attention a bit ago that I never got back in here to mention the results of the Penny Incident. In fact there's tons of stuff I could be blogging about, including a wedding we recently had the opportunity to go to. Pictures coming, as soon as I have time to sort them out. My little guy looks SO adorable in his little shirt, vest, and clip-on tie! And my darling daughter spent about half the time bent over, checking out her shiny little black shoes. And I was... um... sparkly. And in heels. I sorta did the girl thing for that weekend. Don't ask.

As for the penny? It safely arrived back in the world, slightly discolored, in a pile o' poop on September 24th. I have bagged and noted it for his baby book. Something else to add to his therapy bill, I'm sure.

More later. I've been both sick and swamped and I just can't seem to find time for much of anything lately...

EDIT - something is screwy with my blog and it won't let me input links or images or anything other than base text at the moment. There may be an upgrade forthcoming which may make the blog look a mess for a bit. Bear with me as I don't have a lot of time to really deal with it right now. Seems like web sites are needing attention all around me this week. Grrr.

Rhythms...

With Jareth having started up preschool again this month, we are trying to find the "rhythm" of our new schedule after it being different over the summer. I have also signed on at a fitness club near the school so that I can start getting my chocolate-abused abs and glutes back into some assemblance of sexy. I am hoping to go both Tuesdays and Thursdays while Jareth is in class, with Kayla playing in the kid's room at the fitness place while I am busy dripping and making everything hurt just that much more.

It's supposed to be for a good cause (my health) and I do actually enjoy parts of the workout, but at the same time I have to wonder if putting myself into MORE daily pain is really the right approach. Maybe I could just starve myself or something. Then, at least, it would be only my stomach that hurt instead of everything, right? Pfft. At least I have my iPod to keep me motivated. While the elliptical machine I've been trying gives me a timer to go by, I tend to go based on the movement of the song I'm listening too. It makes it much easier. Rhythms again...

On Wednesdays, while Jareth is in class, I've signed Kayla and I on for a class at the school too. We're baking bread, sewing things, singing, etc. On one hand I like it, but on the other... I don't know. Maybe I just feel out of my league again. Everyone around me is busy reading up on the Waldorf philosophy and I can't get past the first chapter of most nonfiction books. I just can't retain stuff lately. And here I'm at a point where I'm meeting TONS of new people, getting "encouraged" to get involved in the activities relating to the school. I'm scared off my ass and totally overwhelmed. I have no clue what I'm doing, much less what everyone else expects of me and I feel like I'm totally doing everything wrong. Most days I just want to dig myself down into a small hole somewhere and cry. I keep trying to look at other areas in my life that I can remove stress from to at least balance this new stress, but I'm running out of options. I'm having more and more moments of panic in social situations where I feel trapped. Utterly trapped. Between that and the increased difficulty in memory retention (I find myself giving people more and more blank looks, shaking my head, clueless and it's scaring the crap out of me) I'm thinking of looking up that neurologist who I saw after my head injury. Perhaps we can slap the old scans up next to some new ones and make sure there isn't more to this than just stress. I keep telling myself that the migraines are just from allergies, but sometimes I worry. It would be good to just pack those worries away in the closet again.

In contrast, I went to a playdate yesterday with some moms from one of the mom groups I'm in and it was actually far more relaxing than most I go to. I think it helped that it was a small group (only three other moms) and I've known them longer than most of the other moms I know. I don't get to see them as often because I live further away, but when we eventually move closer to the school, I'll be closer to them as well. If I can just position it right so I can be closer to the members of Jareth's regular playgroup too... there I go, trying to please everyone else again... damnit. I really need to stop that.

I find it ironic that this month, when I most need to be grounding myself spiritually and finding my rhythms - BOTH drum circles we try to attend are cancelled. One was cancelled near the beginning of the month, as many people are busy with other festivals and family things right now and not many were going to be able to attend. The other is cancelled because the host & hostess's house is undergoing some renovation. When they both resume again next month - I think they are scheduled for the same day. Arrgh.

Ahh, but I'm being "paged" by the long, slow whine of a child, so that's all the post for now. More soon.

Current Mood: distressed

Birds of Prey...

I like boys. Okay, men, nowadays. Boys are, well, boys and aren't equipped to fully understand a woman with kids. Oh, they'd have potential to be fun and all, but really... Men. I've gone from the type of girl who'd ogle a tall, long-haired, brooding boy to a woman who raises and eyebrow at the guy two aisles down with slightly-graying hair and a kid in the cart.

The thing is - I'm not ogling them for THOSE reasons. Okay. Maybe occasionally. But I know that I've got what I need at home in my own little nest. What it is, is that I miss having "guy" friends. I used to have guy friends. I talked with them, about everything and anything and it always seemed as if I could relate better to them than most of my female friends.

Not a lot of guy friends are left, however. Most of the male friends I had over the years have wandered off to college and/or their own lives, wives, and what-nots. And now I find that making new male friends is, well, difficult at best. Most of the "activities" I go to where I might meet new friends are for moms, you see. And though there are a few stay-at-home-dads out there, they are still few enough and far between and tend to flock together for safety against the moms. Mind you, considering the kind of conversations I've had with some of the moms - I don't blame them. There's only so many times a man can hear a woman's labor and birth story, complete with episiotomy details, before fleeing to the safety of their fellow menfolk. Heck, sometimes it scares me, hearing all those birth stories, and I've been through childbirth. Twice. *shudder*

Which means that most of the other men I come into contact with are the husbands of the moms I meet.

Now, something happened when I got married. I entered a new genre of people-type. The "wife". Now the wife is a territorial species. She keeps her beady eyes on the lookout for anyone entering her territory. It is important to keep one's head down and not make eye contact with her male partner, or she will potentially tear. you. apart. Sqwawk, flutter, dead. One does not approach the male partner of the wife species until one has been cleared by the wife herself. With divorce rates as high as they are, women are becoming more and more proprietary over their husbands. Rightly so, in some cases I suppose, especially once parenting comes into play.

Because now, as a "mom" the wife has to divide her attention. Now someone could slip by her while she's not looking. Not only that, but now she has to struggle with the weight that came with pregnancy, mood swings from post-pregnancy, and the utter desire to smack the first adult that comes along after a long day of being whined at - simply because she couldn't smack the offending offspring that frustrated her in the first place. This does not lend to a good groundwork for a woman wanting to keep her husband under the myth that she is perfectly groomed, waxed, plucked, powdered, and otherwise someone he'd be proud to tote about on his arm. Now the wife has to seriously work at it. This is tiring, and makes us cranky. Oh yes, guys - it does.

Of course the men have changed too. Gone are the "guys" who can laughingly talk with women about music, movies, art, politics, and what-not. Now all the men seem to talk about is sports, mortgages and drywall. They certainly aren't going to talk about their wives with other women - that could get them into huge trouble. So there's a great, gaping divide that has managed to develop where the only "safe" conversation is about their kids. With the all-important occasional mention of some wonderful thing the wife has done so that her ears won't prick up from across the room and set her into a predatory state. Because if she thinks you are going after her husband for anything more than polite conversation - she will devour you. whole.

Now, bear in mind the fact that I hate shopping, have never had a manicure or pedicure in my life, and usually burn myself if I come too close to a curling iron. This limits my "relatability" to the other womenfolk whom I'm supposed to be building long-lasting friendships with right about now. My social skills seem to have slipped away too lately, but the topper is that I've always felt more comfortable talking to guys. Hell, I can have a better "chat" in ten minutes with the guy doctor I've been seeing for my foot problems than I have with about half the moms at the group moms' events I go to. There's a couple groups of people where I can chat with the ladies well enough but more and more I keep my mouth shut so I don't jam my foot in there, even with them.

But, with men - there's two categories now. Either they are Married or they are Not. The ones that are - make good with the wives first, so they don't feel threatened. The ones that are Not - make sure they know that YOU are married, so there's no misunderstandings. Which pretty much closes the door to friendship and general conversation in my experience. No single man seems to want to waste his time chatting up the married chick. It seems that men are actually more open to making new, female friends when there's a potential to get in their pants. *grumble* No, this is not a general rule, just a disturbingly frequent observation.

Although it doesn't seem to be the same in the workplace. Brian chats with women all the time at work. Women and men both. Now, this could just be an observation about him, or it could be an observation that the workplace is a sort of neutral ground where it's okay to talk to anyone. But my "workplace" is in the home, so I can't just meet someone at the water cooler to chat about the state of the economy when the "water cooler" is the spigot on my fridge.

*sigh*

Anyway... nope. Don't know where this is going. I rambled today. Sometimes it happens. Sorry. heh.

This little blonde makes my brain feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And a little sick in the stomach though. She demonstrates the answer to the question so... eloquently. Or something. But she manages to make my injury-rattled brain feel so... smart! No matter how much I might ramble, I don't think I've ever been quite that lost. Clearly she had prepped for other questions.

Later!

Current Mood: weird

Because it's his BIRTHDAY!!

Alright. It was pointedly pointed out last night that I haven't been posting regularly. And since I STILL don't have much time today to post (been a-painting the family room, doing laundry and other assorted chores today), I will still keep this one a brief, simple message of congratulations...

*grins & waves*

For those who don't know him, that was to my my father-in-law. Check the site. It's still a work in progress, but hey - it's rock-solid. *wink*

'nuff said. More coming, hopefully sooner rather than later.

G'night!

Have You Hugged Your Car Today?

Yes, I know. Been a bit remiss in my posts as of late again. Things going on I don't want to deal with, much less blog about. However, a bit of good news is worthy of sharing, even if I'm only just getting around to it a week late.

I finally have my car. As in the best vehicle for me. We traded up last Saturday when we finally found me a 2001 Infiniti QX4 SUV. Now I can stop whining about how I have to unload everything in the trunk to get the stupid stroller out, and that half the groceries end up having to be put in the front seat or even around the kids sometimes because space was such a premium in my sedan.

Although technically we traded up Brian's car instead of mine, since my little 1999 Infiniti G20 was newer and in better condition than his 1996 Infiniti I30 (yeah, a little brand loyalty thing going on here, I know - lol). And, technically, the G20 has a smaller engine than the I30 did (and a better CD player) so he's getting better mileage on his commute to work (and his music doesn't skip as often), so we've got a couple more years before we upgrade him. He is missing his leather seats (and will moreso in the winter as they were heated like mine now are, poor guy) and suave black sportier look, but otherwise he's good. He hasn't figured out what kind of car he wants for his next one anyway, whereas I totally KNEW I wanted an SUV. I've been drooling over the QX4 for a while now, but figured I'd end up with a Nissan Pathfinder (since that's the less expensive sister car to the QX4) or a Toyota 4Runner. I looked at Chevy vehicles, but decided I didn't actually want to try and park a tank anywhere. I get nervous enough about parking as it is, but the Suburban was huge and the slightly smaller ones didn't feel much better.

But I LOVE my QX4! I'm waiting for the dealership to fix my CD player, so I'm barraged with crappy radio (I hate radio - all those damned announcers and the commercials make me want to drive to the station and throttle someone sometimes), but I have so many other little luxuries in this vehicle I can't be annoyed much. I want to HUG my car. Well, actually I did. Twice. Just shut up already. I enjoy being in my car right now more than I want to be in my house. I think the car feels more spacious. And the kids are more frequently quiet on the car rides...

I still need to figure out her name though... For some reason "Bridgett" seems to keep popping up when I'm driving her. We'll see if it sticks. Maybe I should look that name up to see what it means...

Oh yeah. Pictures here. I just used the ones I stole from the ad for it, since I haven't had a chance to take pictures of it at home.

That's all for now...

G'night!

Current Mood: pleased

More pics!

Nevermind about that sidebar link I mentioned in the last post. I changed it to the Picasa gallery now instead. AND added more pictures from today. I was showing Kayla what fun "pretty barrettes" could be. What you DON'T get to see are pictures of ME wearing about six different flower barrettes in MY hair too. Because I only took one picture of that, at arm's length, and it went straight into the recycle bin when I uploaded it. Bleh! No makeup, new haircut that I can't seem to brush into submission, and flowery barrettes? Not a chance y'all are gonna see THAT online!

So Nyah!

But Kayla was totally having a blast and hamming it up! Go check it out...

Current Mood: amused

I must be nuts to even consider it...

Once again, it's been a bit since my last post. I've got this black planner I write all my appointments/places the kids need to be/etc. down in. I've moved over from red pen to black finally, at least. There are only five days on this month that don't have something written on them. Two of those have already passed. Oof. Busy, busy. This is the last week of the current session of Jareth's school. Next week, summer camp starts. We're not doing the summer stuff through the school, but another summer of camp through another group I'm involved with instead. Two mornings a week we'll be trekking out to meet other kids and their moms at a park and do crafts and play. I'm also now on the board for this particular group, as their website gal. Which means I really ought to start going to their board meetings. lol. Then there's other groups who've got stuff scheduled for spray parks and outings, as well as the upcoming Summer Solstice and then our camping trip with one of the moms' groups, to Jellystone Park in Fort Atkinson, WI. We've got a little camping "cabin" reserved to make me a little less paranoid about either kid wandering off out of a tent.

Kayla pulled three "firsts" in one day on me yesterday. First she took a "step" away from a wall to knock over some blocks while we were out playing at Pretend Playground. It was only one full step and maybe a half one after that, and she dropped right down to a crawl again afterwards, but she's getting there! Any day she's going to figure out she's got the capability to walk and she'll be toddling all over the place... oh boy. lol.

The second one was using a fork. We had some sausages for dinner last night and Brian skinned some and cut them into small pieces she could eat, since she hardly wants to eat anything that isn't the same as ours these days. On a whim, I took one of the training forks we have with a chunky handle that little hands can hold and rounded sides so she won't poke herself, and I stabbed one of the pieces up. I show her how to hold the thing and the next thing I know she just pops the piece in her mouth. She got a great kick out of eating the pieces off the fork once we had helped her stab them. She was trying to stab them herself too!

She's been making a sudden, huge leap in communication and understanding lately too. She's trying really hard to talk and tell us what she wants. I can't wait for her to figure it all out, but at the same time she's growing up so FAST! Last night, she and Brian were sitting on the couch, looking out the window, when I closed the drapes as it was starting to get dark. She looked unhappy about it and so Jareth, Brian and I all said "bye-bye outside" and waved at the drapes. The next thing we know she's trying to say "bye-bye" and is clenching and unclenching her little fist at the drapes, in that baby's way of waving. I could have just died from the cuteness!!

I've had this strange desire to have another baby lately. There's an overwhelming sadness sometimes, realizing that Kayla is my last "baby" and she's already playing on her own and almost walking! She only falls asleep in my arms if she's breastfeeding, and only rarely then too. She's so beautiful, and so little, but already she seems to have grown so much. While I agree with Brian that we'd probably not survive another round of non-sleepy, colicky, baby time, there's still this distinct ache that has me wanting to have just one more. Or maybe two more... *sigh* Unrealistic, I know. To be honest, we just wouldn't be able to afford more than two kids. I want a bigger car as it is - I don't know where I'd put another car seat!

It's like a can of worms was opened when Jareth was born. Bearing a child is the most "womanly" thing I have ever done. It's the closest I've come to feeling a connection to my physical self - this task for which my body was made - to bear my children. Something only I can do, and of such amazing significance. It still amazes me that these two little kids grew inside me. It amazes me ever more as they keep growing each day.

Enough ramblings. Stuff to do. More blog another time.

Current Mood: busy

Of Seasons and Circles...

Spring has sprung. Rolled in on a wave of snot and phlem it seems. Ugh. The 21st was the Spring Equinox - one of our holidays. Brian even has "floating holidays" through work, so he took the day off. He made us a breakfast feast for the first half of the day - omlets and sausage for breakfast, and applesauce crepes for lunch. We also hard-boiled a dozen eggs and then showed Jareth the joys of dying them. That, at least, was a lot of fun. It seemed like not much else went as we had hoped that day, but then again nobody was quite well.

Seems that we've been fighting off this virus/cold/flu thing that's been floating around. The past few weeks have been a haze of antibiotics, decongestants, cough syrups, and anything else that might help. Jareth has had it longest, I got it hardest all at once, Brian managed to skim through it in just a couple of days, and even Kayla has been fighting it off. Jareth and I are the only ones who ended up with antibiotics though. My doctor just blanket prescribed them to be sure, whereas we took Jareth back for a second visit that showed he'd developed an ear infection on top of the virus thing. The poor kid has been down for the count for almost three weeks it seems. Finally, he's up and about again. Tomorrow I may risk exposure to other children even. Cross your fingers we don't just pick the damn thing up again from going out...

More pictures should be coming shortly in the Picasa Gallery. Probably today. I've got some cute shots of my very messy little daughter at her birthday party, where she got a little cake all to herself and destroyed it rather thoroughly. There's also a cute shot I have from our egg decorating bit that I'll throw up there too.

In other news, I'm letting go of one of the domains I was trying to do something with - www.paganparents.com. I put up a farewell notice a while back, when I started getting the renewal notices and realized that I just plain don't have time to do the things I wanted to do with it - primarily turn it into a resource to find other "pagan" groups and information. However, the farewell notice generated an interest from one person in it continuing, so I am transferring the domain to her and she's going to even keep me in the loop, from the sound of things. Spring has also brought about renewed discussions in this house on how we would like to represent our somewhat unorthodox beliefs to the kids and in our everyday lives, so it's nice to see that the domain will not just be snatched up by some domain leech, trying to make money off of it. Since I do still want to be involved with it, it will be nice having someone friendly in control of it too! She's got a few web sites, so I may drop a link or two to her in the near future, once I see how it all goes.

Anyway... I'm sitting here typing this with the windows to the house open, airing things out in the nice spring air. I'm hoping it will rejuvinate me on some levels. Meanwhile, I'm also scheduling lots of appointments to doctors to try and get some issues resolved - like my allergies. Tomorrow I go for an allergy test. Maybe I'll finally find out which pollens and such have been giving me near-constant headaches all these years...

It's the colonoscopy I'm not looking forward to though. Looks like I'm finally going to end up having to get myself a gastro guy and schedule one. But I don't feel like getting into the literal shitty end of things today. Let's just think spring and bask in the fresh (pollen-filled) air!

*sigh*

It will get better, damnit. I could go on and on with a rant on the various problems I feel like I need to plow through right now. But I'm just trying to hang on to the whole "it will get better" bit right now instead.

Later!

Current Mood: optimistic (or at least trying to be)

Small Stuff...

Some people say "don't sweat the small stuff." The little things that pile up, whether they are chores, frustrations, or inadequacies. After all, just one small thing is generally not enough to really get worked up about...

One pet peeve, perhaps - like people who waltz into the house with snow-covered shoes and leave puddles all over my kitchen floor - no, I'm not naming names, since the "regulars" around here already know not to tug on my frazzled wit's end. They kindly remove their shoes at the door, and roll their eyes at my automatically telling them to do so even though I don't have to anymore. It's just an example...

Or one more thing to do, perhaps - like sitting down and going through the 8+ groups I "belong" to at this point to work out the scheduling for activities each month that I attend, mostly with/for the kids. That example also illustrates the "one more thing to attend" category as well. I've even got another moms' group lined up to possibly join next month...

Or one more thing to remember, perhaps - like the various foods that the people I occasionally cook for cannot eat or don't like for one reason or another. I always like to try and make something that everyone can enjoy...

Or one more thing to fix, perhaps - a spot of paint here, a new tile there, something leaky, something broken, something still not remodelled or repaired. Every time a toy breaks around here, my son knows to bring it to me. Somehow, mommy almost always manages to fix it...

Or one more thing to pay, perhaps - bills piling up in a basket by the door. Some recently paid, but not yet filed, others waiting for the next paycheck. There's always something (like Kayla's new car seat this time) that bumps how important it is to pay something else. While Brian's job now has us officially on the road to recovery, we are still catching up. It gets a little better each month, but still qualifies in the "small stuff" category...

Or one more box to go through - they never seem to cease. All these boxes from my mother and grandmother keep following me around, waiting for me to officially have the "time" to go through them. Boxes in storage. Boxes in the garage. Boxes in the house. There are days I just want to take a torch to those boxes. I would never do it, of course, but one day I will purge a ton of it. Whether through eBay, Freecycle, or just trash - a lot of it needs to go...

Or one more request - I too often say "yes" to things asked of me. No matter how many times I try, I'm still too damned gullible, pliable, useable...

One more pill to take, one more chore to do, one more paper to fill out, web site to visit, book to read, job to perform, note to write, errand to run...

One more "right" way to do something.

One more explanation or justification to give for not doing something the way society deems "right."

One more person to appease other than myself. One more minute I can't stop to play with my children, or watch the snow fall, or just crawl back into my bed and dream.

One more... one more... one more... Some days my head is ready to explode with all the "one more"s in my life. All the "little stuff". Too much "little stuff"...

So, if my "chores" aren't done, my "duties" not complete...

If my makeup isn't on, and my teeth weren't brushed after lunch...

If I didn't work on one of the many piles of stuff on my desk today or cross another thing off my several pages of "small stuff" written down for me to do...

Know that on Monday my son got "windows" cut into the box that he adopted from Kayla's new car seat. Today, he also learned the joy of standing up dominoes in a long row to be knocked down again. My daughter is pointing to things, clearly wanting to know the names of everything, and even trying to mimic the sounds sometimes...

Know that I did watch the snow fall recently. Brian and I sat, leaning on the back of the couch, gazing out the window while it blanketed the neighborhood. We spent that time together, just "wasting" time watching how beautiful and amazing it really is, ignoring the knowledge that we'd have to shovel it later...

Know that yesterday Jareth got to run and play with other kids while I chased a crawling Kayla, as they played at one of those "activities" I schedule in for them...

Because, frankly, if I'm not going to "sweat the small stuff" around here - then I'd damned well better get to do the good stuff too!

So, the next time you want to ask me "why didn't you..." about anything, I may not have an answer for you. I was busy doing something. Whether I was trying to take care of one of the "small" things on my list, or one of the unlisted small things that give me the joy to keep going...

In the big picture - it's all small stuff. And, at the same time, there's nothing small about any of it. Especially the good stuff. It's huge. And I simply refuse to miss it all because one more chore needs to be done.

So there. Nyah.

Oh, and there's some new pics up at the Picasa gallery. Some of the kids, and some of those dominoes I mentioned. Dragon double twelve dominoes, I might add. Dragon. Ooooh. I dubbed my ordered rows of dominoes as the Grand Army of The Dragon, lining up for battle. Then they all fell down. Doh. Not such good troops after all. I guess that's what I get for letting my soldiers fraternize in a box unnoticed for five or ten years before sending them to the front. They couldn't stay standing when faced with the hardened new technology of my Monolta Dimage. Enjoy!

Current Mood: thoughtful

Whoah...

I want to move. Yes. Soon please.

*looks around worriedly*

Why is this? you might ask...

Because, until I'd lived in this neighborhood I'd never seen police officers with guns drawn in real life before!!!

*whimper*

Jareth got a great kick out of watching the three police cars, fire truck, fire car, and ambulance yesterday. There were also another two unmarked cars that I saw police officers get out of. Most of these guys parked in front of MY HOUSE before drawing their weapons and moving down the street to one of the neighbors...

I still don't know WHY they were doing this, but I was NOT amused. Especially since it was garbage day, and I'd noticed a bag of garbage that Brian had missed when he collected it up the night before. That's how I found out which house they were going to.

"Don't mind me officers. I'm just going to pop this bag into the garbage can here on the curb and then ZIP back into my house, grab up my children, and worry-worry-worry until you all pack up and go away! Especially since whatever is going on at my neighbor's house apparently needs THREE officers with their weapons drawn and a few others loitering about for backup..."

*gulp*

The firemen didn't seem to be needed. They left first. Then the policemen left, one by one and finally the ambulance.

Oh yeah. I wanna host a freaking playgroup in MY back yard next month. Suuuuure. 'Cause, you know, it's so SAFE here. People wonder why I'll get in the car and drive to a park for my kids to play when there's one right down the street. That was the park where the SHOOTING happened a couple years back...

I wanna move. *whine* I wanna move to some nice, safe, QUIET little neighborhood where the worst thing that ever happens is somebody's dog poops in your flower garden.

In other news... my arm hurts. From the elbow to the wrist, my right arm is killing me. It's certain movements that hurt the most, although after doing the grocery shopping today it's been throbbing and having that about-to-cramp up in my hand feeling. Typing doesn't seem to hurt, but I can hardly use my mouse. I think the mouse is the culprit anyway. Either my chair isn't the right height for the desk, or something. I tried getting a mousepad with a wrist-rest thingy on it, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm not sure what to do. It just keeps getting worse. I may have to bump my doctor's appointment up and ask him to re-prioritize my ailments... *sigh*

Okay, done ranting for now. Time to go cook dinner. Urg.

Current Mood: cranky

If Only...

If only it really works.

Yesterday, I finally went to see a doctor. It's been a long time coming, as I waited for us to get insurance. Then, the paperwork got screwed up somehow and technically we still don't even have real ID numbers in the system despite the fact that the insurance was supposed to go into effect starting at the beginning of this year. But some nice lady from the company called and gave me an "alternate ID number" with a promise that I could use it and call a specific phone number if I had any questions or problems...

So I ransacked the web site, in search of a doctor and picked one from the lot of barely legible names. At least this guy's first name is pronouncable. And he's board certified and studied medicine locally. I still can't pronouce his last name, but hey... he's a doctor. What do I care, so long as he heals me eh?

I showed up armed with a list. At the bottom was a small spreadsheet of all the vitamins and supplements I take on a regular basis in order to betterfy my complainy body. At the top, a numbered list of 9 different complaints I want to resolve. In the middle was a list of known "conditions" or things to be aware of. I'm breastfeeding, for one. I've had my gallbladder out. You get the idea.

So, now, there's two little vials of my blood floating about in some labs being checked for some of the initial stuff. And two new little prescription bottles in my house. One I'm very familiar with, although the mention that they DON'T KNOW if it's passed on through the breastmilk alarms me, so I'll be taking that in extreme moderation. It's for my Irritable Bowel condition, to help against the raging bouts of debilitating pain and diarreah that I can get. With that drug (brand name is Bentyl) and an Alfalfa supplement, I can make the IBS tolerable. As in maybe one or two of those bouts per week on average. Without either, I used to have two bouts per DAY on average. I'll take the damn pills, thankyouveerymuch! For some odd reason pregnancy temporarily seemed to cure my IBS, but despite my hopes and wishes, it has returned once again.

Also in the works is a referral for an Ear Nose Throat doctor. Considering I've seen two other doctors about the "fluid" behind/in my ears, it's about time I get to move onward. The antibiotics I'd gotten from the other doctors made it seem like it went away for a while, but didn't fix the problem in the end. I've been battling ear pain since before Thanksgiving. Bah. The referral should be ready in a week or so, depending on the insurance. So it could be a couple of weeks. But at least it's being worked on. That's something anyway.

And then there's the other little pill I got. The one to help me sleep at night. That's right, they've given me sleeping pills! Egads. And, as a result, last night was probably the best night's sleep I've gotten in... Well, frankly it's been a long, long while. I have trouble falling asleep. I have trouble staying asleep. I'll toss and turn until I finally crash and then wake up only to have to toss and turn all over again. And then, by the time the alarm is going off in the morning I have FINALLY fallen asleep properly. It's no wonder I've winged a few alarm clocks across the room, frankly. I'm FAR too familiar with the snooze button for my own good.

And, honestly, I've had more energy today. I hope that maybe it's because I actually got a decent night of sleep for once. I hope. I hope, hope, HOPE. Although I loathe the idea that I could end up having to take sleeping pills indefinitely. Let's also hope that this doctor will help me find the solution to WHY I haven't been sleeping well at night too. I've had one too many doctors who are just happy to hand me a prescription and leave it as "fixed". I don't consider a lifelong prescription of sleeping pills to be a cure, frankly. Ugh.

However... I did spend all that energy. Damn snow. I shovelled the whole damn driveway and it's snowed enough since that you can hardly even tell. Pfft. If I didn't know that I saved Brian a TON of time tonight by doing it, I would be upset.

And, somehow, a few hours and a couple of Tylenol later, I still have a little spring in my step. Hmm. Sleep is good. At least I think it must be.

G'night!

Current Mood: energetic

Another one of those catch-up posts...

I've had a few posts coming that I just haven't had the time to come type up lately. I thought about doing one like Brian did, with his "I never" post, but I visited the topic while I read his, and realized that all the first things that came to mind seemed more negative than I really want to dwell on, much less post for all to see. So, meh, nevermind that.

Remodeling/repairing work on the basement is going slowly. It's basically still in "demo" mode, which means that things have been coming down but we're nowhere near ready to put anything back up yet. It SO frustrating. I just want it all done already.

Kayla seems like maybe she's starting to get a little less clingy, although I still reduce her to tears if I so much as try to leave the room to go to the bathroom. She's getting more vocal, able to communicate a little bit better each week, however, so I'm hoping that will boost her confidence. She had a successful babysitting session with her grandma not long ago that she was supposedly good for! I'm hoping we continue in that direction...

The sub-zero cold around here has kinda sucked. I'm not opposed to it getting cold, mind you, as that's when my allergies generally feel at their best. But when it gets cold enough that my car doesn't start.... grrr. The dragon is NOT amused. Brian is having to start my car up every morning to make sure it starts for me later when I need to use it. Again, with the frustrating. Mrrrgh.

Meanwhile, I've been banging my head against my monitor as I wrangle graphics and such into submission for use on my jewelry web site. The new stuff isn't up yet, but I may have something soon! I think I've settled on a logo/title graphic at least, and that's a huge hurdle. Now I just want to get the look and feel I want for the site worked out and then start filling in the content. Including a shopping cart. Which is a whole other battle that I need to research to decide how I want to handle that aspect. Right now I suppose I could have people plunk money into my paypal account, but that's not the feel I want. I also don't want to just be another "yahoo" shop either, despite the advertising advantages that would probably give me. I find it ironic that I'm having to research whole other aspects of web design implementation as I'm slowly phasing out of some of the web stuff. Ah, well. Always good to have a fallback plan, right? lol.

Anyway, so much else I could toss in here, but I don't want to be up all hours of the night tonight, as I've got stuff in the morning to take Jareth to. There practically isn't a single day this month I don't have something written on the calendar of things to do, whether with the kids or in the evenings. Brian has even already made reservations for us to go out to dinner on Valentine's Day! Brownie points for him! Although we'll be taking the kids with, so it won't be quite as potentially romantic as it might be for other couples. But hey - dinner out! I'll take what I can get these days. It's trickier to schedule in "couple" time when you've got two little munchkins about!

Enough for now. Getting sleepy....

G'night!

Current Mood: tired

Pictures, the six-hour-screwing, and other tidbits from recently...

I've been trying out Google's "Picasa" lately, as a means to an end to easily manage my image files. Thus, I'm also trying out the Picasa web gallery too. I've put a few pictures up in there for now. Consider it a bonus while you keep waiting for the several months worth of images I still want to sort through and post. If I ever. have. time.

Meh. Having time? What's that like again? *blinks*

I might just put the ones I've been meaning to post up in the Picassa gallery instead now. We'll see. Picassa doesn't seem to let me resize pictures, or maybe I just haven't found where yet. I might stick with it, or I might go back to the regular gallery. Eventually I'm going to run out of space on my server and have to take some of my own gallery back down, so putting some stuff on Picassa instead would resolve that issue at least.

Oh yeah, the "six-hour-screwing" thing? No, get your mind back out of that gutter, it's not what you were thinking. Sadly, having kids doesn't allow for that sort of entertainment around here. I did, however, get a new desk! It took us about six hours and a whole helluv a lot of screws but it's assembled in our living room now, along with my new jewelry workbench. The workbench only took a few minutes to assemble, since all I needed to do was put the legs on. But the desk was a lot of work. I literally had bruises on my hand from the screwdriver, despite using one of the ratcheted ones.

I take up a lot of space in the living room now, but it's how we've got to work it until the family room is fixed downstairs. We did, however, get the check from the insurance company that accounts for the carpet, so we need to get cracking on painting it and then finding someone to put new carpet down for a reasonable price. Meanwhile, we've been working on demolishing the bathroom/laundry room area down there. Okay, by "we" I mean Brian mostly. I had a happy time peeling the wallpaper off most of the bathroom walls, and doing a few other small bits, but mostly he's been the one pulling the panelling off the walls and getting the icky shower out. We have to cap off some plumbing before we can remove the wall framing between the two areas (it's horribly water-damaged at the floor too) and then we'll be able to start determining what all we have to do to get a new shower in there and figure out where the two rooms will actually begin and end. The upstairs bathroom is only a couple of steps away from being "finished" too - mainly just trim around the door and at the floor, and fixing some plumbing under the sink. And gluing one of the pieces of linoleum tile back down, but that's what? like a two-minute fix, including time to find which toolbox has the glue in it? Then again, finding that two minutes tends to be the tough around here. As evidenced, by my gaps in between blog posts...

Now that the holidays are over, the moms' groups events have started back up again, including our Friday playgroup. I'm also going to start talking to the preschool we're thinking of sending Jareth to in the spring. They've got a tour coming up soon and Brian might take the morning off so we can both go take a look at the place and make sure it's all we're hoping it will be. Anyone who's been following this blog a while or who's known me in person knows that we originally planned to homeschool the kids. However, I honestly don't know that I'd be able to do the best job of it with all the other interruptions that life tends to throw at us, so I decided I'd hand over the responsibility to someone more qualified. I was planning on following the Waldorf curriculum, however, so I'm looking at a Waldorf school. There's going to be a bit of driving involved to get him there on time, as well as the money factor, since it's a private school, but I think it will be well worth it. I'm also thinking the kids are going to need more social outlets. Despite my best efforts, I think Jareth still hasn't been getting enough time with other kids yet, although I have noticed him getting better about playing with others more instead of always playing on his own when we go to playgroup and other stuff. I think it's helping that he's starting to see the same kids over and over again and becoming familiar with them.

Well, enough rambling for now. It's naptime here and I have plenty of other things I need to get done during this short period of two-handed quiet...

Current Mood: working

The Budding Young Photographer...

I hope everyone has been having a good holiday season this year. Ours seems to be going well. There's still some awkwardness as everyone tries to figure out how to respond to us celebrating Solstice instead of Christmas, but overall I think that we're slowly working the kinks out.

Also on that longest night, we packed up two big Hefty trash bags of clothes we're no longer going to wear and tried to take them with us to donate the following morning on our way to breakfast. Unfortunately, someone saw fit to remove all the Salvation Army collection boxes that I knew of nearby and we had to wait until the next day when Brian headed out to run errands while I cooked up a storm for the family Christmas gatherings. He found a Goodwill store that took donations instead and dropped them there. I've determined that the Salvation Army web site sucks for finding info on where drop boxes and donation locations are actually at. Goodwill, on the other hand, with a smidge of digging, listed locations with hours they took donations and everything.

He was nice enough to take the kids with him so I could maximize my cooking time and I got a good majority of the two desserts and three appetizers I was whipping up done. Except for the incident in which I dropped the pan that had the crust for one of the desserts. This wouldn't have been such an issue, especially considering the pan didn't even break, but the crust calls for pecan meal, which is relatively finely ground pecans. Only one store around here seems to carry it and I'd already bought them out for the crust I'd just baked and then accidentally dumped onto half the inside of my fridge and the floor after it had been cooling in anticipation of the next layer. After a quick check for more at one of the other stores, (okay, sometimes it IS nice that Brian has a cell phone - I was able to call him while he was still running errands) Brian came home and proceeded to "grind" some pecans for me instead. We've determined that using a coffee grinding mill is NOT the way to go. It ends up looking like the thing is pooping clumps of pecan goop. Ewww. The food processor didn't get it fine enough either, but the "hack 'n slash" basic coffee grinder with the whirling blade did well enough. Good to know for the future.

For Solstice, Brian and I gave each other... dice. Yes, we're geeks. We'd also spent the "budget" on paying the plumber recently so we had to rethink any original plans. We'd thought about skipping it entirely but that seemed kind of... well, depressing, so we splurged on something we otherwise wouldn't be able to justify spending money on - colorful, fun dice for our pen and paper roleplay games (kinda like Dungeons & Dragons for those who don't know). We gave Kayla a soft interactive piano thing made by LeapFrog which she seems to love. She likes toys that make noise far more than Jareth ever did. Jareth, on the other hand, got a digital camera. Yes, we gave our three-year-old a digital camera. Because Fisher Price went and made one. It's not exactly high-res pictures, but it is certainly just right for kids. And thus, today I'll include a picture of myself, taken by my little photographer son...

Although, actually, after that first couple of days his non-stop use of the camera has died down a little. He's mastered the control buttons already, and loves seeing me upload the pics on to my computer (his isn't hooked up right now, so it all goes on mine). It's been dropped twice so far (that I know of) and is still in working order. His camera is red - a color that seems to have only been available in a deal with Target stores, where they included a small memory card. So he can get quite a few pictures on there before it needs to be emptied onto the computer. His favorite color is red right now too, so that and the bonus memory card made the deal sweeter. I'm glad he likes it though, since we paid more for it - everyone bought them up when they came out and I had to get it on eBay instead. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't the greatest price either. But worth every penny for how excited he is over it. He's already getting better at taking pictures, although he still wants to get really close to stuff sometimes and then the flash kicks in and he gets the mostly white picture instead. He's learning though.

Meanwhile, we've been trying to kick some things into gear around here in recovering from the water damage. We've gotten the upstairs bathroom functional enough that we can actually shower in the shower now (YAY!!!). Everything is painted and water-sealed and really it's just some trim and other small bits that need taking care of. We may even start demolishing some of the downstairs bathroom as early as this next weekend. We need to pull that shower out and see how all the plumbing work was done to determine how we're going to redo it when we put new stuff in. I'm both looking forward to and dreading this repair/remodel project at the same time. On one hand, it will be nice when we get it all done, and we've been kicked into gear to GET it done. At the moment the living room is an utter disaster, trying to accomodate the living room, family room, office, playroom, and jewelry scenarios all in one room. In ordering new desks and such I'm changing my layout around my computer to better incorporate jewelry - adding an actual small jewelry bench into the mix, as well as an inexpensive drafting table! Some of it will get set up in the living room when it arrives, until we have the carpet and paint done in the family room and can start moving back in there. I'm hoping we can move down there again before March, since I usually have everyone here for the kids' birthdays and Kayla will be having her first.

Seems like there is just so much going on right now. And I've been trying to take more time to work on jewelry whenever I get the chance instead of jumping on the computer. Sorry all, but there are actually a lot of things that take priority over blogging. hehe. But I pop in when I can.

And yes, I DO still know I haven't gotten the batch of pictures up in the gallery. I haven't forgotten. I'd do it right now, if there weren't nearly a dozen baby bottles waiting to be washed in the kitchen, along with a few other chores. Maybe I'll have a chance to get to it this week finally. Maybe not. No guarantees. But I haven't forgotten. It's going to be a huge upload to the server too, since I've got a few months worth of pics to show off at this point.

More later though. Off to get some dishes done!

Current Mood: busy

Unintentional Hiatus...

I was reminded last night, while with family to celebrate my sister-in-law's birthday, that I've not been posting as frequently as of late. I'd been trying to maintain at least a weekly post, if not more. Unfortunately, my littlest cutie is just too attached to mommy, and sometimes I don't feel up to trying to peck out a post with one hand while she complains that I'm not paying proper enough attention to her. My "beloved young warrior" indeed! She's a fiesty little girl, I tell ya!

I now have TONS of pics to put up for all to see, including pictures of Lissakatt's little boy. We took the opportunity to venture out to see her last Thursday, despite the late night it turned out to be. We probably wore her out, since time slipped away while we were there. But between the fact that we don't get to see them as often (they live about an hour drive away) and the cute that is their little one, we had a hard time prying ourselves away! Now that Brian has honest-to-goodness weekends again, maybe we can be more social and plan a Saturday gathering every so often to see them. Of course her little boy is being as stubborn as Jareth was when he was born - only giving them 2 hours of sleeping time at any given stretch - so it may be a bit before they get caught up enough to spend a Saturday hanging out and playing the "pass the baby" game we parents love so much. It was amazing to hold her little boy - the weight difference between his few weeks old and my Kayla's eight months just seemed so wierd. I am constantly amazed at how quickly children grow in that first year.

Now that the colder weather is on and the parks aren't as viable an option for parents to let their kids play, there is a relative slew of events scheduled in my various moms' groups too. There's play stuff we've got scheduled in pretty securely for most Tuesdays and Fridays at this point, as well as a bunch of other options for most days of the week. Sometimes there's even family stuff on Saturdays that I'm going to start bundling everyone up to go to. Tis the season to attempt to make use of those evasive social skills I'm supposed to try and have. Gotta set an example for my kids so that THEY don't grow up sitting off to one side "watching" the party go on around them. Of course with the amount of groups I'm in at this point, I'm overwhelmed trying to remember names. I suck at names to begin with, so having about a zillion different moms that I've "met" but only once or twice while we were chasing down our respective kids, is making my head swim. I think I ought to have a pin made that says "My name is "Hey You" too" to let everyone off the hook - possibly including myself. Or something. Urgh. I just end up feeling so bad when I can't keep people straight in my head. At least I'm starting to know the names of the moms at our Friday morning playgroup. Some of them. Okay, like, maybe three or four. Man, I suck at names. *sigh* I do try to lock a new one into my head each week at least.

Anyway, I don't have much more time left to type. Kayla is going to want another quick feeding before we head out to do groceries and I need to get the list ready. I'm also hoping to stop off and get Jareth a haircut today before Thanksgiving. The cameras tend to come out on the holidays and frankly we've been losing Jareth under his bangs again. I wish I could cut hair, since it seems like he needs it so often, but every time I've tried it's come out this lopsided mess. I'm enough of a perfectionist that it's NOT a good combination for me to try, either. Talk about frustration. And I'm not going to try and get my kid to hold statue-still for me while I do it either. That's what my mom tried to do, and I could never hold still enough for her. No, I'm not gonna put my kid through that. I go to a place that specializes in kids' haircuts too, so they are used to wiggly kids while they cut hair. In fact, I usually get complimented on how well he behaves while they do it! But then there's the part where he doesn't want to leave afterwards because they've made the place too kid-friendly fun! LOL.

More another time. Maybe tomorrow I'll even have time to get those pictures up. Maybe. Don't hold your breath or anything. All I can promise is that they will eventually get posted. Eventually.

Current Mood: okay

Still Here...

Yes, I'm still here. Frankly, I've just been too darn busy to post. I had one afternoon this week where Brian was home and I could get some stuff done, but it seems that all the things I wanted to get done with that afternoon got pushes aside for more pressing matters. As seems to be the case these days.

The aforementioned pictures are still coming. I just haven't gotten to resizing them for upload. At 5 megapixels, they are just to freakin' big to put up here as is! I just thought I'd mention them so you would know I haven't forgotten. I know you all just come here to bask in the overall cuteness of my kids. *grin*

The Halloween parties were a blast. Jareth threw a relative fit when it was time to leave any of them, as is his way these days. Any time we go somewhere fun he is great until it is time to go - then the demon inside comes out! I have a new routine in which I extend apologies as I throw my kid over one shoulder and take him out to strap him down into his car seat. Then I come back and extend more apologies while I collect up my diaper bag, purse, and baby. Fortunately, these are moms' events so they generally understand.

Congratulations go out to my friend lissakatt and her husband who have had their baby! On October 25th, the little one was born, a beautiful baby boy.

I was actually supposed to go and see them last night, but sadly I got what appears to have been the flu, so I stayed away. I wasn't about to go see a newborn with a potentially contagious disease! My fever seems to have broken last night though, so I think I'm on the mend today. I'm certainly feeling much better, although not quite up to snuff for my usual level of wellness. However, it appears that Brian is next on the queue to get it, since he came home from work yesterday feeling the same initial symptoms. I hope we don't just pass it 'round and 'round... ugh. Especially since he went off to work today, despite not feeling well. Then again, his new job starts Monday, so if he passes it to the ones at his current job then at least he won't be there to catch it back from them next week eh?

Other than that, I've been quite busy lately. I expected things to wind down for a bit so I could focus on the kids and my jewelry after I finished up the web site I'd been working on. I'd even hoped to get working on my own professional web site and revamp it to focus in more on the web design work I've been doing. But I guess there's still more to do on the web site in terms of design. There's a difference of opinion on that, but I won't go into it. It's frustrating. I've got two more potential clients lining up though, so I'm trying to get some other things around here taken care of before I take on those jobs. Chaos ensues. And the holidays are coming on top of that. *sigh* There's a rant I'll save for another day. The one about the dark shadow that the holidays always seems to throw over us, and the fact that we keep saying we want to do this, that, and the other thing each year and then never make time to do it. We didn't even bother putting up Halloween decorations this year, although I did make such a point of taking the kids to tons of stuff so that Jareth could have fun.

Although it looks like there will likely be NO festivities held in our house this year, at least on the family get-together end of things. The one holiday we actually shared with everyone over these next two months has been moved from our house because of "space." I suppose I should be relieved that I won't have to bother trying to get the house cleaned up in time. However, that had been my guarantee that the house would get cleaned up. Now I don't have a "reason" for the boxes and bins of tools and stored items to get moved out of my kitchen, living room, and family room other than the usual "I'm tripping over these things when I try to cook and clean, and by the way the kids don't have anywhere left to play!" I've been waiting a while to see these things move out to the garage. There's even room out there now. Somehow boxes came IN the house and none made it OUT on the day we all worked on the garage. Hrm. This will also be the first year since we moved into this house that Thanksgiving will be held somewhere else. Bummer. I keep saying we need to be in a bigger house. I guess I was right. Nobody likes our house. I wonder how we're going to sell the damn thing when the time comes...

And then there's another thing...my eight-month-old (exactly today!) daughter. Even my mother-in-law was amazed at how she will NOT allow herself to be put down! Brian's folks were kind enough to babysit last weekend when Brian took me to see a play - our first time out alone together since Kayla was born! I guess Kayla gave even her grandma an earful of unhappiness periodically while we were gone. Even right now, I'm typing this while she eats. Although I'd better finish soon - she's not too pleased about it. I had her in the walker a moment ago, but she's through being patient. My little princess doesn't like me doing ANYTHING else but tending to her whim. Some days it's surprising I get anything done that doesn't involve a diaper change or feeding.

Nope. That's it. End of my grumpy-ass post. So says Kayla, anyway.

Frankly (which seems to be my "word" this week for some odd reason), I'm starting to think my kids are spoiled. Meh.

Current Mood: grumpy

Not in the Mood...

I know, I promised pictures. I have blog fodder too - cute little sayings from Jareth and rants aplenty on all manner of things.

But some days... in the reality show of my life...

I feel as if I've been voted off my island.

I'm just not in a good place at the moment. We're standing at a crossroads, waiting for changes that are about to happen. Waiting to see what will be in so many things going on around us. Our lives are in this holding pattern, at the edge between hope and despair. It's stressful, and I'm busy just trying not to crack into tiny little pieces. Some days it's almost too much to face the day, knowing I've got to get up and put my smile on again.

Thankfully there's little arms with big hugs, little smiles, and little toes. And little moments where one's son explains, upon turning something over after it was upside down - "now it's upside up!"

More soon. But now... sleep.

Current Mood: tired

It's Not Broke! Honest!

I've been informed that my blog was "broke" today. Nope, it's not broken, down, or otherwise afflicted with anything more than my own lack of time and two-handedness. Whenever I have two hands free (a general requirement I often have for typing) I usually manage to find something more pressing that requires the use of those two hands. Kayla's bedroom is now a lovely yellow color, for example, and the carpet is gone. I still need to finish pulling up the carpet tacks and the staples from the foam padding, as well as paint the trim and door white, but it's a huge start we managed to make on the weekend of the 4th. I have hefty plans for this weekend, to get further along.

I've also got web projects I'm working on for other people, as well as a logo cleanup for one of the moms' groups I'm involved with. I have this nasty habit, as I've mentioned before, of saying 'yes' to projects even when I already have my hands full. At least the most recent of the web projects I've added to my plate will pay in money. That's something I feel like I haven't seen much of in quite a while.

Then there's "camp", every Tuesday and Thursday morning where Jareth does crafts and gets to play in a park with other kids around his own age while I attempt to get to know their mommies. I also am trying to get him out to some of the events my other moms' groups are doing too, while scheduling in Kayla's checkups and immunization shots (which she had today again, so she's cranky as I try to type this around her snuggling body). Add on the usual grocery trips, laundry, dishes, diaper changes, meal preparation, and... well the list goes on and on. There's not a whole heck of a lot of time left for blogging these days. I'm afraid it may stay a little sketchy here for a while. I didn't start blogging until Jareth was around the six-month mark I think, so if Kayla follows the same pattern, I should get my hands back more often around then. I think that's the point she'll be content to sit and play in the playpen behind me for little bits at a time during the day. Then I'll have time to get MUCH more done. Or, at least, that's what I keep telling myself, in order to keep the sanity levels in check.

There should be a picture post coming soon though. I've certainly taken a bunch. I may just do another batch upload and link to the gallery again. But not now. My upper arms are screaming at me from trying to hold a wiggling Kayla while I type this, so I think I'd better knock off and get back to my mommy duties instead.

More another time!

Current Mood: busy

Caught in the Downward Spiral (again)...

Yes, I haven't blogged in a bit. It's not because I don't have stuff to say. I most certainly do. But, most of the time, I don't have the time to blog. Or, if I find myself in front of my computer at all, I have a baby in my arms. Which makes typing highly inconvenient at best. Usually, it's more like impossible

And then, there's the depression factor. I often don't blog when I don't have anything I feel I can put some sort of positive spin onto at least somewhere in my post. I've been depressed for months. Long, long, long before Kayla was born. And, while my children are often the brightest spots in my daily life, they also add to the daily stress. I think I'm getting an ulcer. Literally. There's this odd pain in my stomach recently. It's either hunger, from the diet I've been trying to stick to, or an ulcer. Maybe both. It kinda makes me feel nauseous. The trick is that it's a little lower than where I think my stomach kinda sits, so it's probably just my intestines giving me the usual grief again. Lovely. More icing on the problematic cake. I think the candles are buried at this point.

We're making progress on Kayla's room finally. The walls are prepped to be painted and the door and trim are primed. Spackel has been liberally applied to the umpteen million holes left by the previous owners, and the flimsy mirrored doors have been removed from the closet. According to real estate terms, we only have one bedroom left in the house, since the closets in Jareth's and Kayla's rooms don't have doors. That makes them dens if I remember my little bit of trivia correctly. My kids have dens. Like bears. Maybe they'll hibernate for a while and I can have a little peace and quiet.

Don't mind me, I just need a little rant time. It's been less than two months since my class ended and I've hit that barrier where I've realized that once class ended so did any "me time". That was my time, excepting a bit between when everyone else went to bed and when I did. And I only stole that at the expense of my own sleep, generally. Nowadays, I can only barely keep my eyes open past 10pm, and Kayla won't let me sleep past 8am - usually it's earlier.

I guess I'd just like the occasional "me time". Maybe the occasional pampering. I spend all day, all week long, thinking only of how to get stuff around here done without it being at the expense of my children (i.e. - trying to do dishes or laundry while Kayla screams because I had the sheer audacity to put her down on her playmat fully dry, fed, and burped, and Jareth whined because I just want to put the dishes away quickly instead of letting him "help" by handing me every single dish in the dishwasher ONE DISH AT A TIME!!!). This is my "job", you see. It comes first, and foremost. Mommy, then Housewife. In that order, mind you.

It probably wouldn't be so frustrating if there weren't all the other jobs though. Chef, for one - these days I'm cooking nicer stuff than Hamburger Helper, and Lean Cuisine. That requires both time and skill.

Let's see... what else? Ahhh, yes. Remodeler/designer. Since the WHOLE DAMNED HOUSE needs work. Gardener. Although I'm probably going to lose most of the garden I managed to plant, since I haven't had a chance to thin out the seedlings and they're going to choke each other out.

Then there's the other stuff I got myself into without thinking first. Web Designer, for one. I'm still trying to finish a project I started months and months ago, but Kayla seems to be annoyed any time I sit down to do it. I also was "kind" enough to volunteer myself to fix up the logo for one of the parents' groups I'm in, and have that only about half done too.

And yes, I could be working on all those things right now, but then I'd probably pop a vein with the way my day has gone so far. I already had to bail on going to the bank and grocery store today for fear I'd somehow find a cliff here in the flat, flat midwest and drive my ass right off it if I stayed in my car for one minute more. I drove over an hour to take my son to a hot, crowded arboretum. He had a blast, although either he caught a cold or he's suffering from some allergy that even I wasn't overly affected by (my sinuses are throbbing right now and my eyes want to pop out of their sockets so I can rinse them off in a cupfull of cool water), since he's got a funky cough since the car ride home. He loved splashing in their faux stream and pond though. I had expected a real one. I went to that arboretum as a child, back when there was camping there and one lodge-like building. Back when it was more like a forest preserve. Now it's more like an "attraction", complete with gift shop. On one hand, it would have seemed cool if that had been what I was expecting. However, I was thinking of the arboretum I knew as a child. I don't always want my children experiencing "nature" from the sterilized, theme-park viewpoint. It feels so depressingly contrived.

I derailed myself there, forgot to finish my train of thought from before. Suffice it to say that I've managed to collect quite a few job hats around here and have nobody to delegate anything to. So, every day, I fight my better judgement and roll my ass out of bed for another day. Half the time I have to work hard to ignore the urge to just curl up in a ball somewhere and cry for a while. I keep pushing forward towards... what? All plans, all bets, seem to be off. The "five year plan" that we keep changing and restarting each year has fallen completely down the drain as far as I can see. For one, I was hoping that maybe this time next year we could start seriously entertaining the idea of moving somewhere where allergens don't try to pound me into teensy-tiny, little, flattened bits every year. I think I'm going to stop bothering with making plans for the future. Every time I begin to hope my life is going in a specific direction - I am, again, disappointed.

I guess I'm just too stubborn to lower my standards. That's my real problem. If I could just stop expecting... well, anything out of life... then at least I wouldn't be disappointed. Right? I'm getting cynical again. It's not a place I like to be. But it seems to be one I continually return to. The big things can knock you for a loop, but the little things really do add up. I feel like I've got an awful lot of "little things" right about now. And quite a few seem to be the type of little things that don't matter to, or get even noticed by, anyone else until they aren't getting done. I'm tempted to go on strike. Stop doing all the "little things" and see what happens. Watch the world around me screech to a halt as everyone goes into shock that I didn't DO all those little things that they're so damned accustomed to. Not bring in the mail. Not restock the toilet paper (okay, that one could backfire on ME, so nevermind). Not leave out clean towels for people to dry their hands on. Not run around trying to tidy, putting things back into their places. Leave toys lying about on the floor, laundry in heaps here and there, dishes on the countertops...

Don't get me wrong. I don't regret my choices. I wouldn't change (much) if I had to go back and do it all over again. I love my husband and children especially, and wouldn't make any changes that would jepordize having them in my life. But I'm tired. I'm just very. very. tired.

G'night?

Current Mood: tired

Mommy on Tap...

First off, due to spammage, I've had to kill the ability to leave comments on the post just before this. It seems that they are no longer content to pick through my older posts and find one I haven't closed out yet (since I only close them when they get spammed) to drop their spam down onto, but now they head to my more recent posts instead. So, if you find comments closed on any post you might want to comment on in the future, it's because someone put an ad on it for something and I refuse to give them ad space on my site. *grumble, mumble, bitch, complain* Anyway, you can always e-mail me. Although I may be changing my primary e-mail address soon too, as it's being spammed something terrible with no way to stop it other than filters. And they tend to filter out stuff I WANT now and again, so I still have to look through the spam anyway. Argh.

In other news, summer camp has begun for Jareth this week. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I take him out to a playground (different one each week and also three days of "field trips" at other spots like the Morton Arboretum and a couple others) where he gets to play and do a craft project over the course of one and a half hours. He loves it. I love it too. And, it's organized through a parent's group I'm with that keeps it reasonably inexpensive. I took him on Tuesday and the first craft project was a Father's Day gift, so I won't mention what it was here yet. The second project was a foam door hanger thingy with little foam pieces glued on and such. Brian took him, however, as I wasn't feeling so hot. I'm still not feeling good, but I can't ask for Brian to take Fridays or Saturdays off of work,