DragonBlog

TWO? Twooooo!

Better late than never, but I've finally logged in to post that on Monday, my beautiful, precious, gorgeous, CUTE, sweet, adorable, princess-of-a-little girl turned TWO!!!

Oh MAN, but it slips by so fast.

And she is in this super-uber-knock-you-off-your-feet-'cause-she's-so-damned-CUTE phase right now.

I swear, sometimes I don't get anything done because I'm just sitting there, mesmirized by the cuteness...

Go on... I dare ya... pictures are here! If I get a chance, I will add captions. Some are from the weeks before her birthday, and some are from the dinner celebration we had Sunday night, as well as Monday itself.

Current Mood: jubilant

Photo pretty

So much going on and I'm looking at changing formats here on the blog. It's not that I don't want to keep blogging, it's more that I don't have a lot of time for long posts and I know most of my readership won't mind at all if I bulk up on the photos of the kids and such moreso than the long-winded posts...

Thus, when I have time, I think I may pull this blog into archives and upload something more photo-blog like. I'll still have some antectodal space for my ramblings, but I think I will be heavier on imagery. No clue as to when exactly it will happen though. Things are busy, busy, busy right now.

Meanwhile, in proper photo-blog style, a picture:

She finally let me put little pigtails in her hair. They didn't last long, but I totally got pictures. Wheee!

EDIT: sometimes pictures aren't showing up properly on my blog. Not sure why, but I've also been uploading them to the gallery too. Link on the left. :-)

Current Mood: amused

My Little Toddler!

Okay, first off - don't use the link to the left that points to the old gallery anymore. Because I was told to upgrade my installation of the program and it messed up. And my backup restore stuff didn't work. Whatever. The pictures from the past posts should still be on the server and all, but the actual gallery program is down, so no more of that nonsense. The Picasa web thing is working fine for now. In fact - there are new pictures up there and a couple of new videos of Kayla. In one of which, she is WALKING!

That's right. Yesterday, while we were at Cosley Zoo in Wheaton for a field trip with Jareth's summer camp, she was cruising along the benches and then just started wobbly-toddling off to try and check out the deer next to the program area. While Jareth was busy getting to feel the soft fur pelts of foxes and other critters, and checking out a feather and a turtle, his sister was finally taking her first bunch of steps. She's taken one or two to cross a short distance from one piece of furniture to the next before - but not that big of a difference. I'm seeing a huge burst of confidence in her standing now too, and last night she was doing some walking around on the carpet at home too. Oh - and there's a picture of a turtle who totally posed for me. His name is Flare, and I mentioned if the picture was good I'd put him up on the internet. His picture turned out totally awesome - the poser. lol.

Also yesterday, after a LONG wait with her calling me (and everybody else, for that matter) "daddy" (although it was pronounced "dotty" when she talked about me) she called me "mammy" (with some prompting). Today I got her to say it as "mommy" finally, and I think she's slowly starting to figure it out.

Yeah, I know. I'll regret that one soon enough. When I start hearing her whine "moooooooommmmmeeeeeeeeee!" all the time. lol. But, for now, it's SO beautiful to hear her say it. *big, proud-mommy grin*

Painting has begun on the family room downstairs in order to reclaim it from the flood. I recently finished priming most of what needs primer so that we can actually start working on the paint end of things. We also have to get as much crap out of there as we can before we have someone install carpet so we can get back in there. I'm MORE than sick of being squished in the living room as our Living/Family/Office room at the moment. Every time Kayla crawls behind my computer chair I have to be extra careful. I've nearly rolled back onto my cats before when we were down in the family room. I'd be horrified if I accidentally rolled over her little fingers! We NEED to be able to spread out again, even the little bit that having that family room back can afford.

But, unfortunately, there's only so much we can do when we have to take turns with watching the kids. And we can only get babysitting so often. Kayla's still SO picky about people that I can't even pay strangers to come sit with her, so it has to be familiar faces. I left her with some of the other moms yesterday for FIVE minutes to take Jareth to the potty while we were at the zoo, and she screamed the WHOLE time. She was in her stroller and not even being picked up by them. Aparently there was even a singing attempt to calm her, and one little girl drew her a picture on an index card. Which she has treasured ever since - she folds and unfolds it (okay, scrunches and unscrunches really) over and over again and toddles around clutching it like it's the coolest treasure since Little People. lol. The things that will amuse my kids also don't cease to amaze me.

Anyway, the priming is mostly done and we can move on to painting the room and clearing the stuff out. Except for the iguana cage. That sucker is too big to move, so the carpet people will have to move around it. We have to literally break caulk seals and partly disassemble it to get it out of that room, so we're not moving it until WE move.

Brian posted on his blog this morning. It's been a while since he put anything up. He kind of alludes to the reason why, as well. Sometimes it's just better to say nothing at all than talk about the real, problems. This is supposed to be my place to vent - let things out for some relief. Oh well. Maybe when it's all over I can tell the tale. If it doesn't utterly shatter me into a million tiny emotional pieces, that is. I hate that my kids are seeing me go through this. Hard as I try, I can't mask it off all the time. I just try to keep them busy so they don't notice. Camp two days a week. Friday playgroup. Wednesdays there's usually an event too. Mondays I have a playgroup we've been trying out too. All these things are in the mornings and then naptime in the afternoon. Then I try and cram everything else I need to do into their naptime. Just keep busy... swimming, swimming... one foot in front of the other until this is over.

Damnit. I wasn't going to go there. I just wanted to mention that Brian posted, since it's been a couple of months since his last post. I want to just focus on my little girl walking. Walking! And gathering words like nuts for winter as she points to EVERYTHING and looks at me with those gorgeous blue eyes to find out what it's called! Sometimes she'll repeat it back too, albeit a bit garbled. She's learning SO much right now. I almost want to ask her to slow down - to stay my little baby girl for just a tiny bit longer.

That's all for today. Go check out the picasa gallery! I have to snuggle my kids before naptime now. *grin*

Current Mood: indescribable

One Year Ago Today...

One year ago today, Kayla Evina Howard was born. My goodness she has grown!

Pictures are being uploaded to this gallery. I won't get all the good ones up today so check back to see the rest.

Hopefully, her actual party will happen next weekend. Today we gave her our gifts to her - a fuzzy leopard snuggly and a Little People palace, complete with dragon. She also got a bunch of clothes, but I wasn't going to bother wrapping those. She'll wear one of the outfits tonight though, and has a pretty new dress for her party too! Sometime next week I'm going to take both of them in for haircuts... I'm at a loss on what to do with those fine little golden locks of hers since they simply refuse to stay in barrettes! I guess it's finally time for an official trim. I did snip a little off myself a few weeks back, but she needs evening out everywhere now. And Jareth has been getting a little shaggy around the edges too.

More later. Lots to do now!

Current Mood: enthralled

Quick Update

Today, Kayla is nine months old. Yesterday evening she did the most amazing thing! While she's been thoroughly entertaining as of late, pulling herself around in a half-crawl and learning to clap and express herself so much so suddenly, we certainly weren't expecting this. About a week ago, at a moms' group party, we saw her pull herself back up to a sitting position after she'd gotten down from one to start crawling on the floor. That wasn't so surprising, in that she was already in the right position to backtrack to the sitting position, and she'd been trying to learn that one recently. She's not been able to really pull it off since then, however.

Instead, she cut straight to pulling herself to a stand last night!

It's not a fluke either. She did it again this morning too. She grabbed hold of her walker while crawling on the floor, and pulled herself up to standing so she could play with it while not actually in it. She's hardly pulling herself up off the ground yet while trying to crawl, and yet I think she's going to skip half the crawling stage and jump to toddling about instead!

I've heard lots of things about the second child learning things faster as a result of watching the first, but this is one of those moments of evidence for it. She's been trying to launch herself down to play with the others for quite a while now. I think she's going to zip over a few bits just so she can try and keep up with her big brother. I've been worried about getting gates up to keep her safe while crawling - I guess I'd better worry more about what's going to be in reach when she starts standing more and moving from one item of furniture to another in order to reach the fun things she sees about.

Anyway, she's nine months old and beautiful and growing up SO FAST already! Wow... just WOW. I love my little girl!

That's all for now.

Current Mood: enthralled

Wings will set you free!

Not much time right now, but I wanted to mention a landmark for my smallest child - she finally managed to roll over from her back onto her tummy yesterday! She'd been rolling the other way (tummy to back) for a while now, but couldn't seem to quite figure out how to get back, which was frustrating the heck out of her when she did. Yesterday I had her in her costume on a blanket on her bedroom floor, playing and she managed to do it - despite the wings on her costume! Looks like she's my kid for sure - waited to do it the hard way!

Behold - my little fairy:

More pics and post soon. I've got some cute ones of the kids together and Jareth in his costume, along with the tale of the first Halloween party I took the kids to this year.

But now I've gotta run. We've got fun stuff afoot today again, as well as groceries later and a small list of other tasks that need doing.

Later!

Current Mood: enthralled

Well, Crap!

I have a fiesty little girl on my hands. Oh, yes I do!

Seems she hates the whole "day care while mommy's at class" thing. I've been told she's scared of the providers. I guess she's been wailing and carrying on while she's there. And it's been getting worse.

And just when Jareth was starting to make friends with the other kids too...

*sigh*

There's this term for some of my parenting "style" according to some of the moms' online discussion boards I'm on. "Attachment Parenting." I guess you apply it to people who don't let their kids cry it out, breastfeed, wear their kid in a sling, and/or otherwise spend lots and lots of time and doting attention on their kid. Being a stay-at-home-mom, this is something that has been natural for me to do. My kids are at the TOP of my priority list, right there with their daddy, and I do my darndest to give them as much of my attention as I can.

But in this case, it's come back to bite me in the ass.

Figures.

Mind you, these were the ONLY people she didn't scream about during the interviews. I considered that to be a really good sign. All the other potentials that held her seemed to have her angst right off the bat. But these two she seemed happy with. I took that and ran with it, especially after talking with them and reading the handbook they even gave me, outlining how they follow all the guidelines and requirements that they are supposed to as a daycare. Despite the very normal pangs of seperation I was feeling every time I dropped the kids off, I was feeling very positive about leaving them there overall.

So, imagine my surprise to find out that they have given US notice, because they don't want to take children who are afraid of them, so they won't traumatize my little girl! While, on the one hand, I appreciate them doing it, but...

Damn.

Damn, damn, damn, damn!

So now we're back to Brian arranging to take two half-days in place of one of his off days, so that he can watch them while I'm in class. Which means there's a possibility I won't even take class next semester, because us not getting any weekend equivallent time is just TOO MUCH as it is! Only having one full day with my husband each week and constantly having to share that day with a thousand other things that come up... Let's just say it's putting a serious strain on our relationship already, so it's only going to feel worse for the rest of this semester. I hate having only one day to spend with him each week and having to actually spend it working on remodeling or other projects instead of doing "family things."

We're going to get started on setting up the workshop for me sometime next month. I just hope we can get it set up before the semester is over, so I have somewhere to work once class is done. Taking the class helps me keep the momentum right now when it would be too easy to drop the ball while I try and get everything else taken care of.

I'm so overwhelmed...

*sigh*

Current Mood: cranky

Down to a reasonable level!

Well folks, I finally broke down and did the dirty deed - turned on Spam Assassin on my server to cut down on the 100-some-odd spam e-mails I was getting per day. So... If I don't respond to an e-mail - it's possible you got filtered out! I don't know how strongly it filters, to be honest, but so far I think I've gotten an average of about 5 or 6 spam messages per day now, mostly coming in from other e-mail addresses I haven't turned it on for yet. That just gave me back something like 10 minutes of my life each day. Yay me!

I've also decided I do NOT like GoDaddy.com for web hosting. Unless you are willing to pay the excruciating $88 per month for dedicated hosting - you cannot install Movable Type on their servers. Bugger that! The client I'm working on a blog for right now signed up for GoDaddy. I didn't realize that a hosting/domain company as popular as they are would be so restrictive. I think they just want people to put up simple sites, preferably using their little program instead. Bah! No fun at all. Or, maybe I've just been spoiled rotten by the good folks at Cleverdot.com. They may have the occasional glitches in the system, but they do a great job and give me lots of tools to work with.

I swear though, they should seriously give me kickbacks for all the times I've plugged them on this blog or with other people... LOL. Then again, if they keep bumping up my server space and upgrading stuff every so often - I'm happy.

In other news, I picked up a Kodak EASYSHARE Photo Printer 300 on eBay, which arrived yesterday. This little jobber rocks. I've already picked up more paper and such for it so I can print more, although it looks like I'll get a better deal buying online in the future. I am VERY pleased with the output on this little printer, and have already whipped up wallets and desk photos of the kids for Brian and I.

I'm using this photo of Kayla, from the end of July:

Yeah, I know. She's cute. I added this photo to the gallery too, so you can gaze at her cuteness in large-sized bliss, and let her cuteness own you. 'Cause you know she's totally got us wrapped around those little fingers of hers already. I'm just working on increasing her fan base. *grin*

Meanwhile, more stuff to do, so that's all for now.

Enjoy!

Current Mood: enthralled

Process of Elimination...

I have discovered something both sweet and annoying about my little girl today. In the process of an experiment, wherein I pump the milk and give her formula to see if she'll actually nap ('cause she doesn't like to, don't ya know) and maybe be less gassy in the evenings, I found the following:

She won't let ME give her bottles!

Arrrrgh!

Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE having all that warm, snuggly suckling time with her all cuddled up against me. But I've found that she quite literally grazes through the day. This leaves me no more than five to fifteen minutes (depending) of two-handed, productive time (YOU try remodeling projects while holding a baby in one arm! Nuh-uh!) at any given moment throughout the day before said time suddenly has a background screaming motif going on. I was hoping that by giving her bottles, be it formula or pumped milk (which I tried a couple days ago with limited success), it would leave her filling satiated and content to nap or play for some of the time during the day.

*holds head in hands*

But while she was starving enough in the morning to grudgingly take the offered bottle, she basically screamed at me on and off for hours after the hungry monster returned in her tummy. Every time I offered a bottle she would drink maybe an ounce of the stuff and then howl at me like I was my own evil twin come to plague her very existance! I changed her diaper, held her, burped her, tried again and again to feed her, and even took her temperature. But nothing seemed to be wrong. She just wanted to scream. But she was also acting hungry. The hungry monster makes her loud. Ow. I was wishing I hadn't been so hasty with the Q-tips this morning.

So, not long ago I caved. I whipped out the only half-full breast (since it hadn't quite been long enough since I'd pumped to really fill up) and let her at it. I swear she had been trying to curl and twist to get off my shoulder from the burping position and down to get to that boob anyway! She gave me this "well it's about damned TIME!" kind of look and then latched on like she thought I'd snatch it away at any moment. She has, since, been content to be burped and then popped into her swing while I took Jareth up for his nap. She's still there - the first "quiet time" I've gotten today with both hands free.

I will admit though, I also love that look she has when it's been a while since she ate last. That "Oh my God! This is phenomenal!" look. Followed by her nuzzling in so far I get worried she's going to smother herself in my chest. I remember having pizza that good once... Mmmm.

Oops. Looks like my five to fifteen minutes are about up.

G'night!

Current Mood: amused

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...

Seems the spammers are back again, plaguing my web site. More and more entries in my archives are having their comments and trackback pings shut off to keep them from being spammed. Mostly I seem to have one person who comes back every so often to drop a single trackback ping on 8 or so posts. They do this for several days and I diligently delete them every time I see them come in. Eventually they get bored and go away to bother some other poor soul. Still, it's annoying as hell. I have far better things to do with my time right now.

Like take more pictures of my baby...

Brian has managed to convince the people he works for that he needs Monday mornings off right now so I can go to class. This gives me some more time to figure out what to do with my kids in the fall while I'm at class. I've found a few options but some are rather costly and others are things I didn't want to do - like put them into daycare. Maybe I'll have better luck while I have the summer semester to look. There's no jewelry classes offered over the summer, so I can't go in to the lab to work anyway. Come fall, I'm planning to take an independent study class. I can choose my hours, but I'll still need someone to watch the kids while I'm there. Short of just making it so that I go in for a full day on Wednesdays...

We'll just have to see what happens I guess.

G'night!

Current Mood: okay

Searching For The Rythym...

I've still been searching for that pattern - that rythym that forms as mother and child settle into some assemblance of a routine with one another. Today, Kayla is one month old, and still we are struggling with breastfeeding, sleep schedules, and her gas pains as she and her gastrointestinal system come to terms with each other. I know enough to realize it's not necessarily what I'm eating - I've been trying to keep a rather mundane, yet healthy diet going, but avoiding things like broccoli (yeah, I know, that's rough huh?) that might cause undue gassiness. Most days I can bring it down so that she has maybe two to four ounces of supplemental formula total - usually at night, when I'm trying to get some sleep and Brian is looking after her. Otherwise, it's breastmilk all the way, despite the fact that it seems like I have her attached to one nipple or another for a good 80% of the day. Hopefully, by doing that, my milk supply will increase enough and then we can narrow it down to bigger, more fullfilling feedings. Plus one pumping per day (hopefully) to have milk on hand for when I'm in class or otherwise unavailable to whip out the old boob. *snarky grin*

Some of the roughest stuff to deal with, however, is when she gets gassy. She cries and cries and there's really not much I can do for her. We give her baby gas drops, and try and find positions that she's more comfortable in, but otherwise she just needs to cry it out. Sometimes the pacifier helps, sometimes she ends up wanting what I call "comfort boob" where she's not really drinking, but suckling purely for reassurance. I try to discourage that, so that she will associate being latched on with eating, but there are times when I just can't bear to hear my little sweetheart cry any longer and I let her just snuggle up and take comfort in me.

She has developed a small case of "baby acne" as the pediatrician calls it - something normal, although it seemed like Jareth had less of it when he was little. Brian has this theory that maybe she's also responding to hormones changing in my body right now too, something I'll try to remember to ask the pediatrician about tomorrow when we go for her one month checkup.

She's also following things with her eyes very avidly and loves watching things during her awake "playtime" when she is active and cooing at everything she can see around her. Jareth has already gotten to "play" with his sister, showing her small, colorful stuffed animals at close range. I've got the 30-second video footage to prove it too - having snagged some .avi files on my digital camera. One of these days I may even get around to putting up a file for the relatives who check in here to download if they wish. Maybe. I tend to get kind of strapped for time though and don't get around to as many of those little things as I'd like to.

In other, slightly belated news, one of Brian's cousins had a baby last month too, which means that Kayla will have a relative her own age! Their baby girl came a month early so she's especially teeny-tiny. The proud parents e-mailed out photos and she's absolutely beautiful. Of course, not a cute as MY little girl. But then I'm not biased at ALL. Nah. *evil grin*

There's other news, technically too. Tons of things I either could or would blog about if I had more time. Much of it is depressing, frustrating, or otherwise unhappy so I've been generally leaving it out. Jewelry class is going well though, despite the leave of absence I took. I finished up a project today at least. Wednesday after next I'll maybe stay late after class while Brian is at home and get more caught up. Not this Wednesday though - that day is MY birthday. I'm gonna kick back and relax after I get home from class. In the meantime, I've got other things to address. *grumble*

Going back to the more cheerful note though, also this week - Happy Birthday to our friend Dr. Matt, who's another year older tomorrow, and to RainMoon, who's birthday falls on Sunday. And to Griffin - in case he's still checking in... isn't your birthday on Wednesday too? Or are you the one who was on the 14th? Arrrgh - I forget which! *grin* So many birthdays in April! Wow!

And last, but certainly not least, here's another photo of Kayla - taken just a couple days ago during one of her "playtime" moments...

G'night!

Current Mood: distressed

Oh Baby!

As promised, more pictures. As always, these pictures are also located in the gallery, where they will show in larger sizes for your viewing pleasure... *grin*

That's all for today. Enjoy!

Current Mood: okay

Sleeping Beauty...

The Obligatory Tits and Ass post...

First off, I'd like to thank everyone who's sent e-mail, left comments, or otherwise shared their good wishes and congratulations on Kayla's birth. I've got an inbox full of e-mail and not remotely enough time to answer them, so I figured I'd drop a note on here instead. I'm one of those people who feels guilty if I pick one e-mail to respond to and then end up having to forgo answering another, so rather than give myself a total guilt complex I'll just have to hope that everyone is stopping by the blog at the moment.

Now, I'm not usually what is referred to as a "Google slut", but I couldn't help myself with the title today, since that's pretty accurately what this post is going to be about. Tits and Ass folks. Of course, not in the way that the people who might be searching Google for that phrase might like. But then hey - they ought to get their minds out of the gutter now and again, yes? *grin*

So, yesterday I ended up going to the doctor. Brian gave them a call on Tuesday, trying to see if we couldn't just get the prescription that the doctor had forgotten to write me for pain meds, since the area where the stitches are at hurts if I sit on my butt for too long. Since breastfeeding generally entails that I sit on said butt, and occurs frequently throughout the day, I'm sitting on my butt a LOT right now. Normally, sitting on my butt would be considered as "resting", however it seems to be taking it's toll as I progress into the day. I had also had an instance where I moved a little too quickly and was concerned I'd pulled one of the stitches. The doctor said everything looked okay, but she still was kind enough to give me a small prescription to help me out. I'm only taking it when I can be relatively sure I can sleep for a longer chunk of time, however, as it knocks me out pretty good.

Stitches. Other than in my mouth, from tooth removal, I've only ever had stitches after childbirth. The closest I've ever come otherwise was when I sliced open my finger while we were living in the motorhome (I was cutting a plastic shelf to be smaller and fit over the bathroom sink) and it wouldn't stop bleeding. We went to the emergency room, where I gave them a sigh and told them I probably needed "a stitch". In the end, they didn't even give me one, they were able to get the bleeding to stop and use a little funky bandaid instead.

But, well, as much as a woman's body is built for childbirth, there are just some things that don't seem to stretch as much as they need to in order to let the kid out. Last time I needed two stitches. This time it was three. They sort of glossed this bit over in childbirth class - not enough for my eyes not to get as big as saucers as I took great gasping breaths of horror, mind you - suggesting that if the doctor thought it was going to be a problem, they might even cut the mother a little to ensure it wouldn't be a jagged, difficult tear.

Um... no. No cut. No no no no no... So I put on the sheet, with my preferences about what should and should NOT happen during the delivery, that I didn't want to be cut unless absolutely necessary. Thus, I tore. I didn't feel it happen though. Neither time. And they gave me something to numb the area before stitching me up, so I didn't really feel that either.

But, the info they gave me suggests that I LOOK (imagine big, round, shocked eyes in that word, folks) at the stitches so that I'd know how they were doing. Now, sorry, but I'm squeamish when it comes to that stuff. I'd make a horrible doctor or nurse. So far I've remained calm when I've seen blood on my son, but his injuries have been very rare and entirely minor. I wasn't too keen on the idea of looking at Brian's knee when he had his surgery a while back, however. Stitches weird me out. There's no way in HELL I'm going to snag up a mirror and start trying to angle in on my private places just so I can see something icky like stitches. Nuh-uh, no WAY.

In the meantime, then, I've been going overkill on keeping that area clean, while using the gentlest means possible. *sigh* I was told it took a week to two weeks for the stitches to dissolve, which suggests thats how long I need to be extra careful, and will likely be tender. Ow. *grumble, grumble* I already feel like I have my sense of balance mostly back, since I'm not front-heavy anymore, and in some aspects am feeling great, and ready to hop back into things. Of course, I mainly feel this when I'm lying down. I stand up, or shift in my chair, however, and am reminded that I'm NOT fully healed yet. Brian darn near needs to tie me down already, because yesterday I overdid it entirely. My sister stopped by to see the baby last night and I stayed in my chair the entire time. Not because Kayla was breastfeeding or anything, but because I couldn't get out of the chair without revealing just how difficult it was just to walk. But that mostly has to do with internal healing. I feel like I'm degassing or something as everything settles back in to place again within me. My innards are making odd noises and hurting. So the part of me that is ready to jump up and throw in the Tai Chi tape and get myself back into shape again just has to wait. Let's just hope I can hold onto the inclination to do so this time, instead of letting it slip away in a puddle of sleep deprivation and frustration. Overall, however, that seems to be going better than last time. Brian and I already know how to handle the sleep thing (he's catching up on some right now, actually), and breastfeeding is going much better this time than last.

Breastfeeding. Enter the "tits" end of the blog post. My double-D cup overfloweth with milk! *bounces around cheering* Last time it felt like I was starving my child. I couldn't seem to produce enough milk for Jareth, and certainly not enough to pump too. While I haven't started pumping just yet, it's coming soon (I'll need to pump some for when I go back to class, at the very least), and I don't think it's going to be a problem at all. We had some problems with Kayla latching on in the hospital, but she seems to be eager enough to breastfeed at least. We have supplemented a little bit with the occasional half ounce of formula, and fortunately that hasn't seemed to deter her from the breast at all. She still occasionally doesn't latch on correctly, however, but I've switched to a different lotion that seems to be doing a better job of keeping my nipples more intact. Ow. One evening during the last few days, Brian looked over at me and said, "You know, everything I've ever heard about breastfeeding has always been that it's this beautiful bonding experience, but it sure doesn't seem like it's going that way..."

The struggle to get the positioning right, the latching on correct, and for her to drink enough without passing out at the boob, has made it tricky to say the least. Those first few days, I totally understood why it is that some women choose bottle feeding from the get-go. I even considered it, but the overall health benefits for Kayla are what kept me trying so hard. I want, very much for her to have the benefits of the antibodies and nutrition and so on that my body is tailoring just for her needs. While bottle feeding would be more convenient (then Brian could feed her too, for one), and feedings wouldn't take as long, there's no formula company that can honestly say they've matched or surpassed what breastmilk can offer. I wish I'd been able to get more time breastfeeding Jareth, but we had lots of problems, mostly with how much milk I was producing.

I think, however, we've finally gotten over the major hump of the issue, and the mini-bottles of formula to tide her over and get her to sleep so she feeds properly at the next feeding have greatly decreased in occurrance. My actual milk coming in (as opposed to the colostrum that is there in the beginning), and doing so plentifully, has made all the difference. Now I just need to find a damned bra that fits. You can't just go to the store and buy a breastfeeding-enabled bra that's double-D or bigger these days. Google, here I come. I've already warned Brian that I'm going to order about three different ones and then send the ones that don't fit right back. Hopefully one will and then I can just order more of that one. *sigh* Curse my ample cleavage!

I'll also have to get a handle on the breast pump. The one I used last time hurt like hell, although that might have also been due to having so little milk coming in. I have another pump I picked up at a resale, however, that might be more comfortable, so I'll give them both a try and see what works. The first week of April I'll be heading back to class, so I want to stock in some milk before then and make sure there's at least a couple of feedings available for each time I'll be gone. I'm just hoping that giving her breastmilk in a bottle won't slowly degrade her latching on properly. It would suck to end up doing nothing but pumping and feeding her via bottle instead.

Ahh, well. Enough rambling for today. There's other stuff I need to get done during this little bit of quiet time I have right now. I just have to remember to pace myself while I'm at it.

G'night!

Current Mood: energetic

The Delivery (or How To Use One's Diaphram For Optimum Volume)...

Sooo... I don't think I really went into detail here on how my son's entrance into this world went, partly due to the fact that I began blogging after the event occurred. The last time, I found it rather amazing just how much the mind manages to block out the pain aspect of childbirth. Within a day, I realized I had a difficult time actually wrapping my mind around how painful it had really been.

That's because it wasn't. Epidurals ROCK.

With Jareth, I went into the hospital around 1:00 am. After a short while they had given me a shot of Nubane to take the edge off the contractions and sent me in the attached bathroom to take a warm shower. The contractions became difficult when I started having back labor (where the baby is turned so that his/her head smacks against your spine every time you have a contraction), and I finally broke down and asked for an epidural when they were a bit late bringing a Nubane shot. They gave me the IV (a traumatic experience in and of itself for me, since I'm terrified of needles), the epidural (easy enough, except for the holding still during contractions aspect), and then something was put into the IV to help speed the whole process along so the epidural didn't slow it down unecessarily. That last bit worked really well, as I delivered in rather quick time after that, popping Jareth out in about a half an hour of pushing. I remember a particularly weird moment when he was coming out and only his head was out - I was worried about it being so tight around his poor little neck and wanted to finish pushing him out right away, but they stopped me while they cleared out his mouth or something. Very odd feeling to have your child half into the world like that. Then he was suddenly out all the way and placed on my stomach, all still gray and covered in bloody fluids. I was both in absolute awe and almost afraid to touch this beautiful little being they had just placed before me. I also remember being frustrated that they took him away so quickly to clean him up and people kept standing in the way so I couldn't see him over there while the midwife bugged me about one last push to get all the other stuff out. It seemed to take forever for them to bring my little boy back so I could hold him again.

This time, it was vastly different. Vastly.

Before arrival at the hospital, I'd made sure that I was really in labor. The last time I'd had a "false labor" a couple days prior, where the midwife had told me to take a shower to see if the contractions stayed steady afterwards or not. They had pretty much stopped afterwards and thus I didn't go to the hospital that night after all, so I knew to check on that this time around. Within a half an hour after the long, hot shower, however, I knew that it was time. Contractions were running about six minutes apart and getting steadily stronger. I called and had the doctor paged. She told me to head to the hospital once I felt I needed something for the pain. About a half an hour later, we told Brian's folks to head on over since his mom was coming with to the hospital and his dad was going to stay with Jareth. We grabbed the last few items for the bag together, tucked Jareth into bed (late, mind you. We were distracted), and otherwise got ready to go. A short bit before his folks arrived, I put in a call to RainMoon, as she was coming to the hospital with us too, but a lot closer distance-wise. I couldn't reach her, so I left her a message that I was heading to the hospital, so she'd know where to go.

We arrived at the hospital around 11:30 pm, having to use the ER entrance that late at night - same as we had for Jareth. It took a little while to get the paperwork out of the way, despite the fact that I'd pre-registered. They still needed current insurance stuff and to have me sign off on stuff. We were in the delivery room by about midnight. The nurse checked me and said I was about 3 centimeters dialated at that point, but she still wanted to "make sure I was really in labor" so I wasn't given anything for the pain yet. In fact, it seemed a really long, long, long time before I got the Nubane - they wanted a good fetal monitor test strip first too, aparently. The contractions seemed like they were getting awfully strong to me...

Eventually, the Nubane shot was administered. Didn't seem to do a whole hell of a lot of good by that point, if you ask me. Last time it had seemed to work really well. This time it just seemed to make my head a little hazy instead. About halfway through it working, I said that I was probably going to want that epidural again this time. I said this to the people in the room though - not the nurse, who was off doing other things just then. When she came back, as the Nubane was pretty much wearing off, I mentioned it and she checked to see how dialated I was.

Let's just say it went all downhill from there. The key phrase that was spoken that heightened my overall sense of horror? "I'm sorry, but it's too late for an epidural."

Apparently she even meant it too.

And thus began the screaming in earnest. I have never screamed, yelled, or otherwise vocalized with so much emphasis or sincerity in my life. I seem to recall yelling for "someone to PLEASE HELP MEEEEEE!" at some point along the line. If there were any other women in the ward (and it was full - they almost didn't have a room for me) who were considering natural childbirth just then, I expect all the nurses had to say was "SHE isn't having an epidural. Are you sure you wouldn't like one for yourself?" and they probably would have signed right up for that teeny little needle in their back. I really don't know WHAT all came out of my mouth, to be honest, just that it came out REALLY DAMNED LOUDLY. It was not one of my finer moments, to be sure.

A couple of tips for pregnant women - 1) The epidural is your friend. Embrace it. Risk vs. Reward here folks. 2) Learn that Lamaze thing. All the breathing? Yeah, they kinda skipped over most of that in the childbirth class I took before the last pregnancy, and I didn't end up needing it so much with Jareth's delivery. I could have REALLY used it this time, however. Brian said it was all he could do not to pass out from trying to "coach" my super-fast breathing. I realized early on that it WAS easier with him breathing along with me. He blew on my face with each breath, which helped distract me to focus on him and his breathing. It got to the point that when another contraction started I all but yanked him back over, screaming for him to help me breathe.

Last time, I said pushing went for about a half an hour right? This time, it was maybe half that time. The nurse looked down after she'd given me the go ahead to give a small push or two and then sent RainMoon running out to get help as the baby was already crowning. She tried to tell me to STOP pushing at this point (I think she even had her hand there, trying to hold the baby inside me!). The doctor had been "on her way in" and only barely made it into the room in time to help catch the baby! I swear that Kayla must have come out in about four pushes total. The water broke on it's own too, early in, and instead of all gray and bloody, it washed her off and she came out already starting to look pink and having been cleaned off from the fluids rushing out around her. They left her on my stomach longer than they did with Jareth and I got to really touch and see her before they took her to clean her up properly and such at the little table in the room they do that stuff at. I still couldn't see her while they did it, which was just as frustrating as last time, but then I was busy with the aftermath again. This time, instead of being told to push it out though, the doctor waited for my body to naturally contract again and push the rest of the stuff out. I expect that difference had to do with the epidural/no epidural difference, since one of the concerns with the epidural is it's numbing effect can also make it harder for the mother to push.

Kayla was born at 3:31 am, only four hours after we arrived at the door to the hospital. It was the most intense and painful four hours of my life, mind you, and I'm pretty damned sure I never want to feel pain like that EVER again, but still...

It was all worth it.

As I type this out, my little girl is sleeping in a spare carrier on a chair next to me. Every now and again her eyes flicker or she makes a soft sound. She is so tiny and fragile, beautiful and precious. I wouldn't trade her for the world. Once again, a small being is filling my heart with more joy than I could have imagined.

Once again, I have been blessed.

Note - I've put a couple more pictures up in the gallery. :-)

G'night!

Current Mood: grateful

Kayla Evina, My Beloved Young Warrior, Is Born!

I am now a mother of two. At 3:31 am, Thursday, March 10th, 2006, my daughter Kayla Evina Howard was born. Behold, my littlest joy...

This photo was taken moments after she was born, by my friend RainMoon, who had my digital camera ready to capture the moment. My mother-in-law was also armed with a disposable camera I picked up for the occasion - those pictures will come later, once I've had a chance to finish the roll and develop them.

This photo was taken minutes after she was born, once the umbilical cord had been cut and they'd had a chance to clean her up. Kayla was measured at 21.5 inches long, 7 lbs, 9.5 oz.

This picture was taken just a little while ago, before I came down here to drop a line to friends and family via e-mail and put this post on the web. She's sleeping happily in her daddy's lap, although some family members just arrived, so she's about to be passed 'round and snuggled by them as well. The pictures are also located in my gallery - the link to that is in the sidebar on the left.

That's all for now. The full story later - and believe me, there is one. This is MY little life - there rarely isn't some kind of story behind an event like this.

G'night!

Current Mood: enthralled