DragonBlog

Just Tits Today, No Ass...

I guess there's a little bit of fuss over this cover of Baby Talk magazine. The main issue being, of course, the fact that there is a *gasp* breast prominently displayed within the image. No nipple even. Just the side of the breast, and the beautiful child who's eyes are lovingly gazing up at mommy while breastfeeding. One of those moments that only a mother and child can share. The article that the cover refers to can be found here, and is dead-on when it talks about some of the issues that cause women to stop breastfeeding. I experienced nearly all of them, some of which ended my breastfeeding with Jareth earlier than I had hoped to do it for.

I'm the type of person who doesn't like to ask for help at all costs, and I had been given the impression that anything other than the breastmilk was a sin while breastfeeding, for example. This time my milk came in better, yes, but supplementing with formula is the real reason that I'm still breastfeeding today. The knowledge that a little formula once or twice a day (some days, not even that now!) isn't going to ruin my breastfeeding has been a huge blessing for both Kayla and I. Now that we've gotten past the sore nipples, the clogged milk ducts (mostly, at least I guess that's what the horrible pain I was getting was all about), and the bazillion feedings each day, we've settled in rather nicely most days. At least I feel less like a failure each time she has to have a bottle of formula to top her off. I say less, only because I'm a perfectionist like that. Sucks to be me.

But this AOL News article was brought to my attention through the online discussion in one of my moms' groups. It's about the cover of the magazine itself. And that so many people are up in arms about how disgusting it is...

Alright, THAT just pisses me off.

It's not like I didn't have enough problems breastfeeding. Talk about conflicting messages here. I've got people who made me feel guilty for even considering quitting with Kayla. People who left me feeling guilty for bailing out with Jareth, even after I cried for weeks before Brian and I decided that Jareth would be better off without the stress over it all. It was like day and night when we switched Jareth to formula. Something in my milk was making him extra gassy, (I've since found out that it was probably because I couldn't get him to stay latched on for long enough, and he wasn't getting the tail end of the milk) and he was miserable. On the formula he was a happier baby. And yet, I still have people who quietly shake their head and leave me feeling as if I failed my child somehow. Even with Kayla, I get left thinking people think me a failure because I supplement. At one point, when I mentioned thinking about quitting with Kayla, I had someone lead me to believe that it was expected I'd quit, I guess because I "failed" with Jareth. And there was one friend who left me feeling like she would look down on me if I bailed, since she had managed to go for 18 months with her child. She had told me of another mom who had switched to bottles, and how disappointed she was in that mom. Instead of support, all I seemed to get was reminders about how I'd be a failure as a mother if I didn't do everything possible to continue breastfeeding. How I must be a failure in their eyes for not continuing with Jareth.

And, to top it all off, it feels as if I've gotten a lot more of "well, did you do this?" instead of "I've heard this works" or "this worked for me" from people close to me. Once again, the amount of information passed down to me by my mother on the subject was left lacking (in this case because she died long before I ever got married, much less pregnant), and I didn't have time to read a whole lot on the subject. As a result, I'm left feeling like an idiot again because I didn't know something. This is why my husband is the only one I ask for advice from. He's the only one that seems to understand the concept of "no stupid questions." Unfortunately, as a guy, his wealth of knowledge is somewhat limited when it comes to the subject of breastfeeding.

I'm also the type of person who worries about other people's opinions of me. Too much so, I admit, but that's one of those things I've yet to be able to stop doing to myself. As it is, when I breastfeed in public, I judge the company I'm in before I determine whether I need to hide behind a big blanket, thus dooming myself and my daughter to sweat in the summer heat just so she can get a meal without offending someone. I am relieved when I go to places with my moms' groups, as I generally don't need to worry as much, but I still choose my shirts based on whether or not I'll need to feed Kayla while I'm out. I long for the day when I don't wear big, baggy shirts purely because I want something that I can better hide what I'm doing without the big blanket. I'm not comfortable exposing my breast in public - but that discomfort is purely because I don't want to risk having someone come by and be disgustedby what I'm doing. Because they can't seem to separate the innocence of feeding my child the way nature intended from the sexual tag that has been attributed to the female breast.

Sorry, pious people, but as my husband is keenly aware of - Kayla owns my breasts right now. There's nothing sexual about them. They are milk machines. End of discussion. So, when I whip one out to feed my daughter, try to think of it like a beer tap for babies, only more nutritious. Except, I suppose that's not the best analogy, since they use sex to sell beer too. Damn. Maybe one of those dispensers for the ice milk at Dairy Queen? Only still - more nutritious.

I find it interesting how everyone is so upbeat about the idea that companies are providing rooms for women to go pump at work now. On one hand, having a little privacy is nice - get away from the constant interruptions at a desk so you can get the pumping done. I get that. On the other hand, it strikes me as that they are putting the women away in a little "lactation room" so that they don't have to risk seeing *gasp* a breast! Because that would be disgusting in a work environment, right? Because some people can't make the distinction between lactation and lust.

I am sick of feeling like I need to hide this natural thing that I supposedly would be a failure for not doing! Damnit! Can we get our heads on straight and at least all agree on one damned thing already? Because this whole "it's the best thing for your baby, but make sure you do it where we can't see it happening" thing is just not working...

Okay, /rant off.

Current Mood: bitchy

More ranting on the insurance thing...

This time it's not me. No, RainMoon is the one getting screwed over by the "lack of insurance" thing. Because yesterday they gave her the boot out of the hospital. I wasn't there at the time, it being Father's Day and all, but from the sound of it they all but ripped the IV of pain medication out and shoved her out the door. They gave her the name of a doctor and said "sorry, we can't do anything more for you."

Bullshit. Even the nurses aparently agreed that it was likely the "no insurance" issue that was the real reason they sent her away. The doctors weren't even nice enough to give her a prescription for something to help with the pain. Nope. Nothing. Nada.

And they never bothered to give her an ultrasound looking at her gallbladder, after their first diagnoses was that it might be gallstones... um? huh?

I'm confused. And irate. Because I've been there.

I got sent away too, off to University of Illinois Medical Center in Chicago. Because I was told, pretty pointedly, that nobody else was going to give me the time of day. I trudged into the city and went through all the humiliating crap where they made me feel like crap for not being able to "afford" insurance for myself. They not only treated me like I was no more than the number on the little blue card I had to show everywhere, but they also tried to tell me I was lying. That they couldn't find anything wrong with me.

Shortly after I finally HAD insurance (Brian's job had become permanent in the duration and after a certain amount of time the benefits kicked in) I got a doctor on the insurance plan. Within weeks he had done an ultrasound and I was scheduling my gallbladder surgery to have the damned thing removed. They also mentioned, after removing it, that the spastic colon problems I have with my irratable bowel, had been rubbing against the gallbladder, probably causing additional pain.

Nevermind that the STRESS that being without insurance caused me was giving me additional irritable bowel "issues" too! Thus, the act of just diagnosing the problem was actually making it more painful throughout.

*grumble, mumble, explative, grumble*

Now, with RainMoon, maybe it's not the gallbladder after all. But you'd think they'd run the tests on the right spots to check. Wouldn't you? I guess not. They did give her an ultrasound, but I guess it was checking something else altogether. They could have moved it to a different spot while they were there and given the gallbladder a proper look-see too. But that's just my thinking. I wouldn't expect doctors to use common sense when ordering testing on their patients. Nope. That would obviously be asking far too much.

*stops to mop up the sarcasm off the floor*

There ought to be a law. Good people should not be given the shaft on their medical health just because they are going through tough times financially.

It's also got my own stomach grumbling again over the fact that I don't have insurance either. Brian and Jareth are covered in an emergency, but I am not. The private insurance we're paying through the nose for refused to take me. Because some doctor wrote something said in casual conversation down on my medical record. I guess from now on I'll let the doctors figure out what's wrong with me without giving them any family background anymore. And I most certainly won't repeat anything that was mentioned to me by a doctor previously regarding my health but wasn't specifically diagnosed or put on paper. Because it might, accidentally, get put down on paper and suddenly be considered hard-core, solid FACT. After which point I could spend the rest of my days trying to prove that it isn't really true after all.

That doctor that wrote the info down on my file is SO FIRED too! I won't go back to THAT office again. They also wanted me to pay them $50 in "copying fees" to get a copy of my file. Screw that. I guess I won't give the next doctor records of my medical history after all. I'm not going to have inaccurate crap following me around.

Okay. Done now. I'd better go do something uplifting. Or violent. Maybe a computer game, as that can be a bit of both... *shrug*

G'night!

Current Mood: bitchy

I demand a recount...

No really. Can we maybe just toss these damned political fish back into the sea?

At this point, I'd rather vote for the green party, but they won't be on the Illinois ballot!

*sighs with extreme exasperation*

So what the hell is this crap I'm hearing about Kerry anyway? Not that I was planning to vote for him anyway, but first his wife says something that basically could be taken as if she doesn't consider "homemaker/mother" a viable enough responsibility to be comparable to a job?

Well fuck you lady. I'm soooo sorry that I don't want to just dump my kid in daycare and let someone else raise him for me. I guess I won't be looking to you for an example on "family values" if your idiot husband becomes our next president eh?

Speaking of the candidate himself...

What's this utter shit I'm hearing today? My husband, who keeps me up to date on some of this crap as it comes out, comes home today to let me know that if Kerry doesn't win the actual election, he's going to drag it through the recount court to be abso-fucking-lutely sure he didn't maybe really ought to win for some absurd reason?!?

I once again stand saddened that our country is in such a piss-poor state that we have only these few candidates to consider. I am highly tempted to go through the write-in process at this point. Although, the last time I wanted to do that and it sounded more complicated than it ought to be just to do it.

And I'm still not sure I want to vote for some Libertarian guy who hasn't ever held any political office before. All the other politicians would eat him alive! But the Green party guy isn't going to be on my ballot and I'll be damned if I'm voting for Kerry or Bush. I try like hell to vote for the lesser of the evils, thanks.

*mumbles something nasty about deep-seated capitalist countries still trying to pretend they're democratic*

Some days I just want to run around and grab people by the shoulders and shake them...

WAKE UP!!!

Oh, and, um... pardon all my swearing today please.

*guilty look*

G'night!

The lesser of three evils?

I almost went to bed without blogging tonight.

More than nine months of blogging, with at least something up here every day, and I almost totally forgot?

Where is my mind tonight?

Art class. Writing. Theatre. Other stuff.

After missing the last two weekly sessions of my art class, I was pleasantly surprised that the teacher was super nice about it. It probably helped that only four students showed up tonight though, as she had more attention available to spread out amongst us. The common theory was that the other students must have stayed home to watch the debates tonight.

Oh yeah... that election thing coming up...

Pffft. I didn't need to watch that boring stuff. I don't intend on voting for either of them anyway. I guess there's a third option - some Badnrik guy that Brian happened across and gave me a link to check out on. I can't decide if he's the lesser of the now three evils or not though, so I may just have to leave it blank or something at this rate. This Badnarik guy sounds like he means well on several of the issues, but it also sounds like he has no experience, whatsoever, in politics. He's a computer consultant now, and has done some computer teaching and programming or something for a living thus far, before starting to teach a class on the constitution...

Ummm...

This doesn't make the guy qualified to run our country, in my humble opinion. And having a nice lawyer as your V.P. doesn't make up for it either.

I fear they'd be eaten alive by all the politicians who know the game.

*sigh*

One day... One day we will have a proper candidate to vote for...

Yeah, it's a nice dream, but I don't believe it either. I do so like fairy tales though...

G'night.

Who's land is it anyway? I mean, really?

Compliments of Father Jake's blog, I found this little tidbit of humor:

This Land.

The elections are coming. Oh yes. They come.

Are you ready?

But it's all just part of the experience...

I'm tired today. I pulled some muscles in my leg at some point this weekend, and that hasn't been helping. But mostly I'm just tired.

And, by the way, happy Memorial Day...

It was a national holiday today. Not just an excuse to take a day off of work. It was a day of rememberance.

Not that we did anything special. It occurred to me tonight to wonder if there was anything we should have done today... some ritual or other.

I found this site in a quick Google search that pretty much sums it up.

It's about remembering those who've died serving their country. Not a day for a party or a picnic, but a day for somber reflection and rememberance.

Since I've not actually known anyone who's died while serving, it tends to be a holiday that doesn't affect me directly. Then again, I disagree with much of our government and how it is run, and some of the premise behind our Revolutionary War, but I frequently go out for the fireworks on July 4th. They're pretty and they make a nice boom.

And then there's Memorial Day. I didn't go see a memorial, or stop and think about those soldiers who gave their lives in the service of their country. Some of them dying in useless, unecessary wars that didn't do more than boost our national ego that we could still kick another country's proverbial butt. But they went. They made the choice to support our country through thick and thin (at least for the duration of their contract) and, in the end, they made the ultimate sacrifice for that promise. That, my fellow countrymen and women, takes balls. Even if they didn't see it coming - it took courage to go out there in the first place. And I salute them, and their courage. And I am thankful that there are those, brave enough to go where I lack the courage or conviction to go. Brave enough to fight for their country.

It's too bad that, as a country, we don't really deserve their sacrifice. How many people, who haven't lost someone near to them, actually did something to commemorate today? I'd bet we'd be pretty disappointed if we saw those numbers. I'd be tempted to put up a poll on this site, but I'm not sure I want to know the statistics.

I'm ashamed. Of myself. Of my country.

Next year - I plan to do something for Memorial Day. Go to a Memorial somewhere and thank them properly. Because they damn well deserve to be remembered.

G'night.

A country without honor...

Well, I spent a chunk of time today re-building some of the titles on my older posts, as well as putting in categories. I'll have to re-categorize some of them later, as "web stuff" is an awfully broad one at the moment - anything from web links to my fiddling with my site. I don't have them all done yet though. It looks like I might not be able to open my archive file from December for some reason, so I may have to give all of the posts for that month new titles instead. It also looks like it didn't grab some posts from earlier (added in from my old web site before I started on Blogger), so I'll have to put those in and then fix the dates...

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I also fixed up To Our Children's Children and Quick Shtick Writing today. Both now have categories in the form of chapters so people can follow along easier. I've also moved a couple of links off my personal blogroll to where they really belong - there are two people linking to Quick Shtick Writing, so we're linking back at them. Call it a possible "reader's list" if you will. Yay!

I also threw the "rules" page up, but it's the old one from blogger. I haven't had time to fiddle with design in Movable Type yet, and all my tags have changed, so bear with me while I regain my bearings. I'd also like to not have my site in so many frames, but I'm not understanding CSS enough yet to make a proper transition from html on that level. I'm just fiddling about here, learning as I go...

Last, but most certainly not least...

I don't normally bring up the news on my blog. I want to stay out of that area, as I can frequently see both sides. I don't support the war - I'm a pacifist myself - but at the same time, I can understand some of the possible "why's" that the war might be needed...

But there's still no justification for someone wantonly taking the life of an innocent bystander. Soldiers fighting soldiers is one thing - they signed on for it, so to speak - but this incident with Nicholas Berg is entirely unjustified, even in my most liberal moments...

My heart goes out to his family members - The shock and pain that I'm feeling over another life being snuffed out cannot even begin to compare to what they must be going through. And the justification for that death is entirely unbalanced... Those men had no right to kill one innocent man just to make a point!

I agree that our soldiers have no right tormenting their POWs in any manner. I don't care if it's still "better" treatment than Sadaam was giving. I thought we held ourselves, as Americans, to a higher standard than that. I thought we were trying to be the better men and women.

Some days I wonder if we aren't repainting our flag in stripes of blood, and if the stars aren't looking very tarnished about the edges.

What happened to our honor?

I pledge allegience,
To the flag,
Of the United States of America,
And to the Republic,
For which it stands,
One nation,
Under God,
Indivisible,
With liberty,
and justice,
for all...

I think that's how it went. And you can define "God" however it suits your needs... perhaps it would fix it if we just pluralized it.

With liberty and justice for all. I guess that only applies to other Americans. We apparently can't seem to take that with us on foreign soil. Perhaps we didn't learn the lesson well enough while we stood there each day in school and recited it, hand held over our breast. Or before each ballgame. I guess rote learning doesn't work after all. Considering we have people starving in our own streets. Is that justice? Are the homeless to be considered "liberated"?

Where is our HONOR?

Where are those men with white gloves and smart blue suits saluting the flag in the recruitment commercials? I thought honor was supposed to be a part of it. The honor of carrying our flag on foreign soil, of representing our country for us...

As an American, I am ashamed for us.

It would be one thing if we'd gone in and dealt with the situation. But we continue to piddle about trying to negotiate, now that we're already there.

What the hell?

You don't go blazing halfway through and then stop to compare notes! DO or DON'T - make up your damned minds!

I just want to know why it is that we don't just allow the highly trained agents that we "don't have" go over there and deal with the actual troublemakers - quickly, finally, and efficiently. Like the one who claims responsibility for the killing of Nicholas Berg. He's on a "most wanted" list. C'mon - we can do better than that. Some serious undercover work and a well-placed sniper. Perhaps we'd consider that "tax dollars well-used" if it got the job done right the first time. I bet it would actually cost a whole lot less too.

Then no innocents would have to be killed. No infrastructure would need rebuilding. No prisoners would have to be taken.

I wish we could just take all the world leaders and put them in a boxing ring together to duke it out any time there was a conflict. It would be a whole lot simpler.

Do we have any right to be over there? I don't know. If this is a "holy war", which I think it is for them, then no, we don't. We have no right to go over there and tell them what to believe.

If it is, as was said, concern about "weapons of mass destruction" that could be unleashed across continents, then yes we do. With the United Nations.

Since when are we the policemen for the whole damned world?

*sigh*

I'd better stop here... this was going to be a "short" blog tonight.

To Nicholas Berg - Good luck on your new journeys... may your next one be filled with joyous experiences instead.

Good Night.

One Nation, Under God, with Liberty and Bling-Bling for All...

Okay, so I've been following this post over at Father Jake Stops the World. He and his wife Demi attended a meeting about gangs in their area.

It sounds like they addressed methods of identifying possible gang members through insignia and hand gestures. They also brought in an ex-gang member, who is now in prison for murder. He doesn't say who all was present at this meeting - whether it was meant as a neighborhood "come and be informed" kind of presentation, or one that was only attended by certain professionals. I'm assuming, for the sake of argument, that it was an anyone-can-come kind of thing.

This will probably ramble a bit - I'm ranting and making some comparisons here. Bear with me.

First off, it seems Father Jake is unhappy with the classification of "gang". So I will separate into two types of gang for clarification: "family gang" and "thug gang".

"Family gangs" were probably not the focus of the meeting. They are merely banding together and causing a little bit of trouble here and there to show off and feel cool, but they aren't the ones being charged with murder, or rape. They will most likely get into trouble for tresspassing or vandalizing. What to they want? Attention, respect (according to Demi's post on her site), and enough of a "presence" that the "thug gangs" won't mess with them. They will probably only become seriously violent if they are approached wrong and feel backed into a corner.

"Thug gangs" are the ones who want the power, respect, and "bling-bling" (per Demi's post again - means stuff/riches). Land has always been a sign of power. Voting priveleges were first given to land-owners, for example. So these gangs stake out their territory and protect it as if they own it. These are like mini-wars. How would we react if Canada decided they wanted Michigan as theirs? We'd defend it. We'd push them back - with force if necessary. These "thug gangs" are no less dangerous on a neighborhood level than countries can be on a global scale. Challenge any of them, and they will want to show you who's boss. It's Bush vs. Saddam on a mini scale...

Now, for point of reference, we are not a Democracy in America - we have a Capitalist government. And we demand the power and respect of other countries, and show off our "bling-bling" every chance we get. So many people want to be part of this "gang" called America that we close our borders and make people go through initiation rituals, so to speak, to have the right to live here. We're a big enough gang that some people slip in unnoticed.

We'd rather be a family gang, but in reality - right now, we are a thug gang. And, those who don't conform to the gang rules - are "out". We put them in jail, we take away their right to a say in how the gang is run. No more priveleges.

Now, if a person in this country commits murder - gang member or otherwise - they go to prison (assuming they are caught). They took someone's LIFE away, they deserve whatever they get! I feel that the crime of murder is not judged harshly enough. I can't condone "an eye for an eye", because I don't condone the taking of another person's life and thus ending their experience. But they put themselves in a position to be punished - punish them damnit!! Yell, scream, smack them around, I don't care - they lost their rights and priveleges when they took someone else's life.

So, the convict who got reamed out by some guy at this meeting? Damn straight!! Especially since the likelihood of that particular convict knowing who that particular angry man is - is probably pretty slim. We should be mad! We should do more...

I agree that more could be done in the beginning. Programs to help encourage family values and togetherness are good things. There are some "gangs" called Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts and similar groups that are a positive experience - we should be reinforcing those.

But there are those who've passed the point where a kind word, a hot meal, and a hug are going to help. And if some do-gooder-average-Joe just walks up to try and "help" that type of gang member towards a better life - they're likely to get treated rather poorly. Anything from a tongue-lashing to a shooting could occur.

And that is what the police officer was likely trying to make people understand. He's saying "here are the signs to watch for - if you see them, stay away - let the professionals handle it." Sometimes the "professional" can be a social worker or a priest perhaps. Sometimes it has to be the police.

By not trying to change the rules of our government, we are saying that we are willing to live under those rules. If there is a law that says a girl can't sleep in her car, for example, then either work to change it, or accept it.

I'm wondering why she didn't want to go to court?

By breaking the rules, you are saying that you are willing to pay the consequences for your actions.

But perhaps she didn't know there was such a rule...

Now some would say "ignorance is no excuse", but I disagree on that count. The rules themselves have gotten so out of hand since the first constitution and bill of rights were written, that it's a very rare person who knows them all. I've been saying for some time that the whole thing needs to be re-written from scratch again, to better reflect our current technological and social developments. The internet alone changes how individuals interact with the world around them. Suddenly we are a global community too.

Nonetheless, the girl could have gone to court and stated that she didn't know there was a rule, and that she was sorry and wouldn't do it again. At worst, it was probably a fine. Instead of helping her to escape the law - why not help raise the funds to help her with the fine, and raise awareness about getting that law changed?

Then there's the view of the police in general. It's almost been trained into us at this point - even with my "good suburban upbringing" - that the police are "pigs", or essentially "the bad guys". We let these laws remain - they're just doing their job and upholding them. Sometimes they break the laws themselves by letting people slide. How many people have been let go with just a warning for speeding? Yet we put that speed limit there for a purpose - our own safety. And that's the most frequently broken law there is.

I've met quite a few very nice police officers. However, I still get a lump in my throat if I see their lights suddenly go on from behind me. It was trained into me to have that response. Pavlov-esque.

A few bad officers spoilt the whole bunch, so to speak. I'm also thinking that once you've had a bad encounter with an officer, you're likely to expect the same for each encounter after that. Thus, you'd approach them with this preconception that they aren't on your side. That will affect how they react to you as well. Negative energy will draw negative energy from those around you.

Now, continuing with my gobal comparison - who polices the world? The United Nations? Not really. The idea is there, but not all countries are willing to conform to the rules enough to even be a member. What if we compare the gangs to the "enemy" in the middle east? If we hold out a proverbial hot meal and hug to them and they slap our hand back and give us attitude - how do we react? We "arrest" them. Siege. And, in the process of trying to gain control, we are condoning murder somehow... and the innocent get caught in the crossfire if they don't know what to watch for (gang insignia) and what to do if they see us (run!!! run!!!).

I just found this blow-up from neighborhood to world that came into my head a little too much to not post. I'm not much for political commentary - I try too hard to see both sides. So feel free to begin picking it all apart now...

*cringes*

Wow... this post gave me a category I wasn't expecting to make. LOL!